Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children: Emphasising Emotional Care

As a parent, your emotional world has a profound impact on your child's emotional intelligence. By providing emotional care and support, you can help your child develop stable, consistent, patient, and reliable emotional skills, enabling them to navigate the world with greater understanding and empathy.

Here are some practical suggestions to help nurture your child's emotional intelligence:

1. Teach Emotional Literacy: Use age-appropriate language and concepts to help your child identify and understand their emotions. Engage in activities such as using emotion charts, role-playing scenarios, or storytelling to encourage your child to express and recognize their feelings effectively.

2. Cultivate Mindfulness: Introduce mindfulness practices to your child, such as deep breathing exercises or guided meditation. Encourage them to appreciate the present moment and help them incorporate mindfulness into their daily routine. For example, you can have a mindful minute together before starting a new task or enjoy a brief morning run, appreciating nature and its surroundings.

3. Foster Social-Emotional Learning: Encourage your child to learn valuable lessons from their everyday social experiences. Teach them to consider different perspectives, be open to others' opinions, and practice inclusivity in their thoughts and actions. Engage in meaningful discussions about their interactions, to help them develop empathy and understanding towards others.

4. Promote Empathy-Building Activities: Share ideas for activities that promote empathy, such as engaging in perspective-taking exercises, participating in community volunteering, or collaborating on group projects. Discuss how these activities can help your child understand different viewpoints and develop compassion for others. Consider joining a group or organisation together to reinforce the value of empathy and caring for others.

5. Teach Conflict Resolution Skills: Guide your child in resolving conflicts peacefully and constructively. Encourage active listening, compromise, and problem-solving discussions when conflicts arise, such as those between siblings. Use these moments as opportunities to practice simple conflict resolution techniques, helping your child develop valuable skills in managing disagreements.

6. Be a Positive Role Model: Serve as an influential adult who models emotional intelligence for your child. Demonstrate empathy, self-control, and effective communication in your interactions with others. Be mindful of your own emotional responses and provide a supportive, nurturing environment that encourages your child's emotional growth.

Remember, nurturing emotional intelligence is a gradual process that requires emotional care, patience, and wisdom from caring parents. By exposing your child to emotionally mature adults and providing a safe and loving environment, you empower them to interpret the world with greater empathy, understanding, and resilience. Hence they become more emotionally mature.

‘Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.’

                                                                                               - Jess Lair

Nine Proactive Strategies for Fostering Mental Health in Children

Promoting mental health in children is of utmost importance, particularly in our current world.

Here are several insightful strategies that can be employed to nurture and sustain mental well-being in our young ones:

1. Demonstrate Positive Emotions: Being a consistent source of happiness and positivity around your child is critical. Let your joy radiate visibly, providing them with a secure feeling that everything is alright. Your smile can serve as a comforting reassurance.

2. Encourage Physical Activity: Exercise is known to boost mood and overall well-being. Engage in regular physical activities with your child and make it a family routine. This not only benefits their physical health but also their mental state.

3. Cultivate a Love for Music: Music has a profound impact on our emotions and can uplift the spirit. Incorporate a variety of music into your family life, utilising it as a background score to your everyday activities. This creates an ambience of positivity and serves as an effective stress reliever.

4. Foster Positive Associations: Direct your child's attention to the good things happening around them. Discuss amusing anecdotes, talk about jovial and optimistic individuals you know, and celebrate the positive aspects of life.

5. Promote Generosity: Demonstrate to your child the power of giving. Instilling a sense of generosity can enhance their mental well-being and give them a broader perspective on life. You can exemplify this through simple actions like donating toys they've outgrown.

6. Encourage Proper Rest: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's mental and physical health. It helps their brain process the day's activities and sets them up for optimal performance the next day.

7. Teach Healthy Recreation: Equip them with various recreational activities like sports, reading, or simply relaxing. These pursuits can help them carve out mental space for themselves when needed. Your role modelling in this area is vital.

8. Cultivate a Sense of Humour: Encourage them to appreciate the lighter side of life. Too often we focus on the negatives or the potential risks, but teaching them to find humour can provide them with a more balanced view of life.

9. Nurture Social Relationships: Facilitate the presence of your child's friends in their lives. Friendships play a significant role in their social development, and your active involvement in fostering these relationships can be highly beneficial.
   
   Above all, it's crucial to create an environment where positivity thrives, life is cherished, and the world is perceived as a beautiful place to live. By being such a parent, you can positively shape your child's outlook and foster their mental health.

‘Life is always better with a smile on your face’

                    - Gail J Smith

How many battles do you need to win?

In the business of the week and with all sorts of family issues to address, the question is how many battles with your child do you want to win?

Perhaps the better question is, how many battles do you need to win to keep stability and balance in the home and to remain sane? Teachers are quite clever at picking their battles in the classroom. They recognise that some issues should simply be left alone. They have a way of taking care of themselves. Other issues can be dealt with at an appropriate time and some may need immediate action. The skill comes in recognising the issues that need addressing and why you, the teacher are concerned about them.

There are several factors that drive our motivation to deal with taking on battles with our children. These include:

• Tiredness.

• Preoccupation.

• Busy times.

• Focusing on what presses your buttons.

• Irritability.

• Opinions of others about your parenting.

• Wanting to always win.

• Frightened to be out of control as the parent.

What we need to do as parents is take a step back and when an issue has come up, try to reflect on how important is it to resolve.

• Is now the best time to deal with it?

• Are we in the best framework to manage the situation?

• Is it an important issue?

If you are questioning whether you want to deal with the issue, this is an excellent way to start reflecting on how, when and if necessary you will deal with it.

Here I say:

• Be confident that you will make the best decision of how to deal with it. After all you are now giving it some thought!

• Allowing time to reflect slows down some anxious thoughts and makes the situation less heated.

• You will evaluate the worth of going into battle if you simply stop and think about it.

• It is always important to evaluate why you are angry and this should guide you in the best response. What is driving your anger is an important and often revealing thought to explore.

Finally, our children challenge us in many ways. We are definitely challenged by simply choosing how we respond to those situations. Our response will dictate how our relationship keeps developing.

‘Perfect parents exist but they do not yet have children.’

-Unknown

Practical Ways to Nurture Learning: A Guide for Busy Parents

Parenting can be demanding, but incorporating learning into your child's daily life doesn't have to be an uphill struggle.

Here are some hands-on steps with accompanying examples to make the process easier and more enjoyable:

1. Establish Routines: Life's rhythm can simplify many things. Set up routines like breakfast time, homework hour, and bedtime rituals. For example, an after-school routine could involve a snack, a break, homework time, and then free play.
   
   2. Promote Positive Conversations: Maintain an encouraging dialogue about their school work. For instance, instead of concentrating on scores, discuss what they found exciting in their science project or history lesson.
   
   3. Utilise Incidental Learning: A casual chat during a car ride about how engines work or a discussion about photosynthesis while gardening can lead to learning moments.
   
   4. Optimise Lighting: A well-lit space enhances productivity. Ensure their study area has plenty of natural light during the day and an effective lamp for evening studies.
   
   5. Encourage Physical Activity: Play games that require movement, like a family soccer match. This balance ensures they're not stuck in front of screens all day.
   
   6. Initiate Engaging Conversations: Find topics they're interested in and discuss them. If your child loves space, for example, a dinner conversation might revolve around recent Mars missions.
   
   7. Celebrate Their Passions: Even if your child's fascination with drumming seems noisy, support them. Set 'drumming hours' to manage the noise and encourage their passion.
   
   8. Express Confidence in Them: Show excitement for what excites them. Your positive reactions, especially when they master a challenging task like a tough math problem, can do wonders for their confidence.
   
   9. Nurture a Reading Culture: Fill your home with varied reading materials. Leave books in their room, the living room, even in the kitchen. A family reading hour can be a fantastic daily habit.
   
   10. Foster Independence: Allow them to make choices, whether it's picking their outfit or deciding the weekend meal. This autonomy builds their confidence and decision-making skills.
   
   11. Model Positivity and Problem-Solving: Maintain a positive attitude and frame challenges as solvable problems. If a favourite toy gets lost, turn it into a fun detective game to find it.
   
   12. Personalised Learning: Tie their tasks to their interests. If your child is a football fan, use the sport to teach concepts such as angles and speed, or percentages by analysing player statistics.

Remember, every child learns differently. Embrace the diversity of experiences as learning opportunities and stay spontaneous. As Leonardo Da Vinci aptly put it, 'Learning never exhausts the mind.' This approach fosters a lifelong love of learning in your child.

Talking positively to your child makes all the difference.

Engaging positively with your child can have a transformative effect. The manner in which you converse with your child significantly influences their communication style and their receptiveness to you.

Bear in mind the following:

• Show genuine interest and engagement when they speak. Treat these moments as invaluable opportunities for them to convey their thoughts to you.

• Employ a gentle and soothing tone of voice. Harsh tones not only discourage attentive listening, but also inadvertently convey negativity. Strive to soften your voice, even when discipline becomes challenging.

• Your child is more inclined to listen attentively and emulate good speech habits if they consistently hear a pleasant and comfortable tone from you. They will reciprocate the same respectful way of speaking if it's consistently modelled for them.

• Consider the power of respectful speech. Using a gentle tone makes the conversation more engaging for everyone involved, fostering an atmosphere of respect.

• Pay attention to your choice of words. Could your language be improved to express ideas more effectively? Implementing a rich vocabulary can be an excellent tool for enhancing communication.

Why speaking well to children is important.

1. Boosts Self-Esteem: Children often view themselves through the lens of their parents' comments and reactions. Speaking positively and constructively helps build their self-esteem and self-confidence, shaping a more positive self-image.

2. Improves Cognitive Development: Language-rich interactions can enhance children's cognitive development. Varied and complex vocabulary can stimulate their brain, encouraging them to learn and understand new words and concepts.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships: Effective and respectful communication sets the groundwork for building strong, healthy relationships. By speaking well to your child, you're teaching them the importance of clear, kind, and respectful communication, a skill that will benefit them in all their future relationships.

Helping the shy, less confident child

For some of our children, finding the confidence to speak up is a hard process. In fact, it can become quite a habit to sit back, observe others and have no expectations of putting yourself forward in a group situation. The confident, more dominant personality, will take centre stage and the quieter child will become the audience. There are some strategies you can use to help build a child’s stamina in this area.

 Consider:

• If you are a louder, more prominent personality, try to tone it down around your child. They will step back and not engage as effectively if they feel that you are taking over.

• If there are other more confident siblings around, make sure that your quiet child gets their voice heard. Perhaps at dinner time, everyone takes turns to talk about their day.

• Reassure with plenty of ‘I’ statements. ‘I like it when you tell me what happened.’ ‘I am so happy to hear that story.’ ‘Well done. That is a great idea. Tell me more.’

• Choose your words carefully and avoid harsh criticism. This is such a setback for a less confident child. They remember all the negative words.

• Giving them more independence builds their self-confidence. Start doing things for them but pull back and let them finish the tasks.

• Exercise listening more to what they have to say. This will affirm their worth. Give excellent eye contact and undisturbed attention when they talk. Choose a special time on your own to have those chats.

• Talking in front of groups can be difficult. Invite them to practise in front of the family, talk about their hobbies etc.

• Joining extracurricular activities means they will need to engage with others. Being a team member means committing to collaboration and engagement with others. Learning an instrument means presenting in front of people. It all helps.

• Encourage friendships. Having a friend requires effort and commitment.

• Remember when you praise be specific. ‘I was so impressed with how you spoke to your friend who was upset. You were so sympathetic.’

• Use open-ended questions. This gives them scope to answer expressively. ‘Tell me about the project?’ ‘What have you learnt at basketball training today?” We don’t want ‘yes, no’ answers.

• Surprisingly shy children act out in plays very well. In fact, they enjoy taking on another character. Encourage joining a drama group or simply dress up and reenact fairy tales at home. Home can become a great uninhibited theatre for the whole family. Perhaps your child can act out what happened at school that day.

• Reading stories out loud to the whole family is helpful. How about a family novel where each child reads a small section after dinner?

• When you hear of some lack of confidence they display with regard to something at school, encourage them to set little goals to work on the issue. Then praise them for their efforts.

• Set realistic expectations at home. They want to please you and if they succeed they feel so much more secure in themselves.

• Play often with your child. This helps with building positive self-talk. They feel confident and happy to plough through the play and learn more about themselves.

Little by little your shy, less confident child can become quite a strong, capable personality over time. Slow, steady encouragement while at the same time respecting their emotional and social stage of development is the best way forward.

‘Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

                                                                            -Theodore Roosevelt

Keeping perspective on what is important

Time goes so quickly with children. One minute they are a helpless infant and then the terrible two-year-old and then the sweet five-year-old ready for school. We cannot keep tabs on every moment, but we can try to reflect a little more deeply on just simply enjoying some moments, especially those that tell us more about our child.

I always remember how quickly a year went in a classroom. There were some precious moments with the children that you try and keep in your memory banks. Time can so easily diminish those memories.

This blog is inviting you to value those special moments as they will be those lasting and important memories going into your future. Do you remember when your child first walked? Perhaps you have a wonderful memory of them smiling at you for the first time. These special moments will become the fabric of your memories over the years. It is important to recognise that they have value and you need to look for those moments that are unique and special to you and your child. Their uniqueness makes them memorable.

Consider:

• The more you identify those special moments, the greater appreciation you have for your child’s development. You begin to notice so much more of their subtle aspects of growth.

• Each day, find something special that you notice about your child. Think about it and look for occasions when it is evident.

• Talk about those special moments to others. There is nothing more reinforcing than having conversations about those moments you cherished.

• Keep it simple. The very best moment can be found in the simplest of situations.

• Find humour in what your child does during the day. Try to avoid getting frustrated by their actions. In some cases, there can be quite delightful moments in seemingly difficult situations.

• If you see your child in a positive light, you will easily see those special moments in your child. They are not difficult to find.

• Sometimes saying nothing and just watching your child interacting with play or with others can give you such satisfaction.

• Some parents keep a journal of those special moments and enjoy going back over them through the years.

• Opportunities will pass you by if you are rushing through life. Each moment has its own merit and we often are too focused on what lies ahead and what we must do to get there.

• Never underestimate the value of that special moment that you are feeling with your child. It is precious and unique to you. Learn to look all around in odd places to find that moment.

• If you haven’t found that special moment for a while, take some time to slow down and just enjoy your child for a little while. That moment will come.

 Finally, because life is on the move all the time, freeze frame some moments to store for your future reflection of your child.

‘Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.’

 -Dr. Seuss

Help your child improve their mental capacity

We can do many things to help our child improve their mental capacity. Some of them are very simple and are already in place. However, each day in different ways, we can keep building that capacity by challenging them across different formats.

• All children need adequate sleep. The rest they get will influence how they operate the next day. Teachers will tell you the difference it makes when a child comes to school having not slept well. Their learning capacity is considerably down and their mood and temperament makes them have quite a sluggish and dull day.

• Teach your child different ways to self-regulate. This is all about being self-disciplined and emotionally capable of controlling themselves. In the home, there are many ways in which your child can be disciplined and together work on their ability to manage themselves, show independence and take ownership of jobs and duties around the house. Your patience and tolerance are needed here.

• Play games with your child. Read with them and challenge each other through board games. All this is about building mental capacity and teaching them to work on problem-solving and healthy competition. Let them see that you enjoy problem-solving with them.

• Conversations at home should be open and as positive as possible. Give your child plenty of room to talk and tell their story. Be an effective listener so they feel that they are taken seriously. Having family discussions and debates stimulates their thinking and encourages healthy dialogue. Allow them to be confident in what they have to say.

• Challenge them through problem-solving of all sorts. This could be driving in the car and searching for addresses. It could be working through a recipe, fixing broken toys, building Lego shapes etc. When you see an opportunity for them to problem solve, invite them to have a go. Look to them for assistance in solving the problem. Let them know that you work through the solution together.

• When they ask questions throw the concept back with another question:‘You want to know why that lid doesn't open? Have you seen other jars like that before?’ It’s all about posing inquiring questions that make them think through solutions themselves. Let them accept that you will not always give them the answer.

• Laugh a lot and enjoy the jokes that you share with each other. Developing a sense of humour also enlightens the mental capacity to see the world from a different perspective. The world is not always black and white.

• Do crosswords together. Perhaps a jigsaw or have an ongoing game of Scrabble on the table. Keep them working on thinking through the process.

• When school problems arise, especially with friends, talk through possible solutions that can be managed by your child. Let them see that you expect them to have an idea of how best to solve it. Emotional challenges are sometimes difficult for children but mentally, they need to work through the process as best they can. The more they can regulate their emotional responses, the stronger their mental capacity.

• Teaching gratitude in your child is also a strengthening mental process. People that show and demonstrate gratitude have a stronger mental approach to life. 

Finally, there are many and varied ways to strengthen a child’s mental capacity. Just be the catalyst that presents challenges and doesn't always offer the solution. Value what contributions they make. After a while, the child takes more ownership of themselves and feels mentally safer and confident.

‘Be the catalyst to a healthy mental approach for your child.’

                                             -Gail J Smith

Can we control everything?

At this stage of the year, there are plans to be made and decisions settled on for the year, especially regarding school. The question I pose is, is it necessary to be in control of everything?

There is always a small control freak in all of us. If not fragrantly displayed, it’s hidden somewhere in the deep recesses of our mind which, on occasion, makes its appearance. The more we know and the more we control, the safer we often feel.

Your children are taking on a new leaf at school this year. They are going up a notch and teachers will expect them to take on more responsibility. Perhaps this is a time to let loose a little and not be so preoccupied with everything that happens around your child. They may start telling you a little less about their day. That’s OK!

Here are some sound reasons for controlling a little less and supporting a little more of your child’s sense of personal freedom:

• You certainly control your opinions but not always the external events that happen around your child. They are independent of you.

• Developing an honest understanding of what is really within our control makes for realistic thinking and reduces worry.

• The challenges put ahead of your child at school are their challenges and should, to a large degree, be managed by them. Of course, when issues are out of control, parental support may be necessary.

• The more we let them develop independent thought and self-manage their plans the more they slowly and steadily grow stronger. The cocoon is dying and the butterfly will arise with strength and beauty after its struggle to come through that dark cocoon.

• The research is clear. If a child takes ownership of their own life, they learn faster and develop independent thinking earlier and display more creative thought. They become less vulnerable to risk, are more resilient and feel happier in themselves. This builds healthy mental habits.

• If we take too much control, a child will no longer own the problem and pass it over to you. It becomes your problem. Time and time again I have seen this at school when a parent wants to solve their child’s problems.

• When you listen to your child talking about an issue, listen with interest and sincerity, but first, see it as their problem where you have some clear expectation that they will try to solve it. ‘I am sad to hear that Mark was mean to you at school. I am wondering how you will deal with that?’

• With each new year at school comes differing challenges. Reflect on how your child is choosing to manage them and quietly step back where possible.

• Think about your role as a parent. Do you have all the answers to your child’s needs? It is another generation with shifting expectations. You are there to listen and support, perhaps consult, but it is their world to own. It is their world to solve. Slightly different in expectations from yours.

• School holidays are over, but that does not mean that we take some of that relaxed summer feel into our new year plan. No need to suddenly over control or feel that without good management, everything will fall apart. The chaos theory is all about the fact that out of disorder comes order. So the challenge is to let loose a little more. Can the children pack their own lunches, be responsible for school notes etc? Try to find new areas in which it is all about your child taking a little more control over themselves.

From my observations at school, I always found that when parents reduced their worry and felt less accountable for their children, they relaxed and often enjoyed the experiences of their children more fully. They enjoyed the little things and would often find pleasure in just the ordinary experiences of the day. It was like a cloud was lifted. Let loose a little and see the joy in the simple day-to-day experiences with your child.

‘I learnt that when you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.’

                                                                                       -QuotesGram

Watch out for self doubting. It can creep in slowly and stealthily

Now that children are back at school and getting orientated around a new school year, keep an eye out for the creeping nature of self-doubting or more destructively known as self-downing. Children are very prone to make comparisons with other children. It is natural. What is a concern is when they begin to see themselves as less worthy or less capable. They can make strong connections between their self-worth and their performance.

From an early age, we need to build a sense of self-acceptance. This is separate from performance. It is all about building a strong self-image and yes that will come with some failures and lack of success from time to time. That’s touching on building resilience which should strengthen self-acceptance.

Consider:

• Be repetitive. Tell them often that they are worthwhile and outline what makes them unique.

• Notice that they start to recognise that they can’t be perfect at everything and affirm that concept.‘Well done. You know how capable you are and sometimes not everything goes your way. That’s normal.’

• Teach them by your own example, that making mistakes is natural. It has nothing to do with how worthwhile you are as a person. You still like and value who you are.

• Show them that we all have strengths and weaknesses. It’s part of life. Let them see that we can also learn from experiences where we are a little weak. That makes us stronger and feeds into our self-worth.

• I have heard of an activity where you set up a box and from time to time, write down qualities that you notice about your child. Some parents do this as a journal and at the end of each week, they talk about what the journal has to say. Children love hearing about themselves in such a way.

• Watch the language. Take care not to use downing words with your child. When they hear them, that is all they hear, even though you may have thought what you had to say was helpful. Downing words are powerful destroyers of rational thinking.

• When your child tells you that others have put them down, remind them that sticks and stones may break bones but they are fly-away words. Teach them to shut down when they hear such negative talk. Learning to shut down on such words reminds them that self-approval will not be interfered with by such talk. I am stronger than this!   

• Always keep in touch with your child’s teacher if your child is troubled by some downing at school. Teachers are very skilled at managing these issues which can become quite unsettling in classroom situations from time to time.

• Listen to the conversations they have about self-acceptance. For example, if they feel they are useless because they failed a test, put it into perspective.‘OK, so this test you were not successful in but given how determined and capable you are, you can move on from this test’.

Here you are separating their sense of being worthwhile from a simple test.

• When you spot examples of them talking about how they feel strong and competent, jump on it and reinforce the various aspects you notice that demonstrate their personal strength. Try not to use general words but rather be specific.‘You are so skilled in organising those games with your friends. So wonderful to be an organiser.”

In your day-to-day experiences, talk about how mistakes are natural. Just making a mistake is part of how we learn. It does not reflect who we are or suggest how vulnerable we are as people. At all times remind them that they are worthwhile and have much to offer the world. 

                  ‘The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.’

                                                                                       -Sylvia Plath

14 easy parenting strategies

There are countless ideas in parenting courses, not the least of which is from my book: ‘The Primary Years. A principal’s perspective on raising happy kids.’ Here I have compiled a list of easy-to-apply strategies that can have a remarkable impact on making parenting a little easier. These strategies will be well received by your child who feels more easily connected to you. We could call them the simple language of parenting.

Consider:

• Become a natural, spontaneous parent in praising children where possible. Try to mention why you are praising them. This hits home very quickly with a child.

• Behaviour that we favour is especially valuable in rewarding. ‘You are such a caring person to hug your little brother when he cries.’

• Be very clear when setting expectations. Keep the message short and use simple words that make it easy for a child to translate. Sometimes asking them to repeat back what was asked of them ensures that everyone is on the same page. This is especially important for younger children.

• Be a problem solver with your child. Sit with them and together execute planned ways of looking at problems together. Share in the process of working through problems and make it a family habit. Point out that you do not have, nor should you have all the answers.

• Slow down the anger. Being quick to anger can escalate the problem. Allowing some breathing space brings the anger down a notch or two. It also gives you time to better assess the situation.

• Live out your values happily. Talk about them often. This way your child knows what is important to you even though they will change over time.

• Gradually provide opportunities for building your child’s independence. From the minute they are born, we should be finding ways to let them build their independence.

• Involve your child in family decision-making. This can be part of your family culture to be inclusive and to engage with them about holidays, activities etc.

• Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. This means that you are prepared to listen and compromise. This is all about being fair, just and respecting your child’s opinions.

• Wherever possible be the coach not the lecturer. This is about giving independent guidance but not having expectations that they will always follow suit.

• Create a safe happy home where your child feels that they have a voice and are valued.

• When setting expectations, make them age appropriate and realistic. This way, your child will not be overwhelmed or feel intimidated.

• Create a home that is also a creative and positive learning environment. Spread books around the house, ensure that there is plenty of light and good study facilities near and around the family room. Have music playing. Talk about articles you have read.

• Be engaged and involved with your child’s school. Talk about it a lot and show interest in what work comes home. Volunteer and find out how you can support the school.

This list gives you some ideas for building a stronger relationship with your child. You can, with practice, get better at using these strategies and once you feel some success it is amazing how you condition yourself to keep them up. You may find that some will be easier to adopt than others. You may also find that you are successfully and naturally doing these strategies already. If so just keep up the great work!

‘The golden rule of parenting is to always show your children the kind of person you want them to be’

-Elizabeth Roxas

How to get the best from your child's teacher

Teachers lead a busy, demanding, life and each day presents a range of challenges that can surprise them in so many ways. Being in tune with the teacher and sensitive to the changeable nature of their day can mean that you get the best from your teacher when you want and need a chat with them.

Here are some reflections that might help you plan a more productive time with the teacher.

• Sometimes talking about matters on the hop at the classroom door can be frustrating for you and the teacher. Gauge how busy the teacher is, if you wish to approach them at the beginning or end of the day. Sometimes this can be not the best time to resolve matters. You may leave feeling quite frustrated. Respect the business of that time.

• If you have several matters to discuss, I recommend writing a list. Three points at the most. Make an appointment with the teacher. This way they are better prepared and more relaxed to chat.

• Take care if you have an issue regarding an incident in which your child was involved. Talk as though you appreciate that your child may have some accountability in the issue. There is nothing more frustrating for a teacher when a parent doesn't take a balanced approach. Your teacher is very astute at seeing how your child works and operates around their peers. You want and need an honest appraisal of the situation.

• If you are meeting to talk about concerns, ask about the positive aspects that your teachers see in your child. This is always important for a teacher to talk about the aspects that they really love about their students. This changes the tone of a meeting in a heartbeat.

• Occasional notes to your teacher thanking them for noticeable care of your child goes a long way. You can imagine that many of the parent calls they receive are always about problems.

• Helping in the classroom also creates a positive, more authentic relationship with your child’s teacher. Here they are prepared to be public with their teaching and your confidentiality and professional approach goes a long way to building relationships.

• Remember that if you have concerns regarding some matter in the classroom always address it to the teacher first, not the Principal. This shows loyalty and trust. Obviously, if the problem is unresolved then you could take it further.

• Try not to write long emails that are all about a concern that has unsettled you. These can be quite frustrating to teachers and if written late at night, a teacher can find them quite intrusive and in some cases intimidating. If unsettled about something, deal with it in the morning and make that appointment. Sometimes waiting some time can get you to reflect more reasonably on what is best to talk about. Angry emails only complicate the situation.

Teachers spend an amazing amount of time with your child throughout the year. It is a privileged position and gives an amazing insight into your child. Trust what they have to say and support their work throughout the year. In this way, your child and yourself will get the very best from their school experience.

         ‘Your children need your presence more than your presents.

                                                                               -Jesse Jackson.

Poor behaviour can get you down - 9 ways to better manage

From time to time, continued poor behaviour can be tiring and may cause a frustrated parent to overreact on the littlest of issues. It is always wise to remind yourself of one important fact, when taken seriously, it helps to ease the pressures when things just get too hard. Remember what you are seeing with your child is simply behaviour. It is acted out because of some reasons where satisfaction has not been gained. It is a call for help. It is not the nature of the child nor should you begin to feel guilty because you have feelings of not liking your child. What you do not like is the behaviour, which is temporary and is not the child.

Here are nine thoughts to help understand the best ways to respond when poor behaviour interferes with your relationship with your child:

1. Be a proactive parent. This is where you are actively engaged in their life and always on the lookout to be proactive. This means spending time with your child, talking to them, playing, reading together and encouraging independence. It is all about having an active presence in their life. You have more chance of being heard when disciplining and will be respected by your child when rules, routines and rituals are put in place to enrich the family.

2. Catch them when they are good and keep the affirmation at a high level. Be specific and let them know what you affirm them for rather than just general acknowledgement.‘Well done. You put the dishes away and now I can go to bed a little earlier.’

3. When problem behaviour occurs, try to think about what and why the behaviour has occurred. Finding the reason takes away the feelings of disappointment and reduces angry disappointed feelings. Listen to your child and hear what they have to say.

4. Prevention is better than cure. Here I suggest you make sure your child knows what is expected of them and this may mean demonstrating the expected behaviour to the child. Having regular routines is helpful in developing regular behaviour patterns. Younger children especially, may not know what is expected of them.

5. When disciplining, take care to criticise the behaviour of the child and not the child. Upset children can misinterpret very quickly that you dislike them. It is all about disliking the behaviour, not the child.

6. Learn to negotiate with your child and get them involved in talking about the consequences of their actions. Keep the punishment to only suit the crime and move on quickly. Never surprise your child with some new way of dealing with the problem. Keep consequences familiar and consistent. Check-in with them later to make sure you are back on track with your relationship.

7. Are there some situations that you can let go and decide that some things can just pass? It is OK to just forgive, forget and make a fresh start. This is important to be intuitive enough to know what is best left alone.

8. In solving problems, it is vital that it’s done with the child. Once the problem is established, look together at possible ways to deal with it. Together, choose a solution to trial. Try it and later evaluate if it worked. This is the best way to teach them how to solve problems.

9. Keep things as simple as possible. When a child is upset, their capacity to reason and be logical drops immensely. They need you to be clear about the concern and to direct them into managing the problem calmly and with a belief in solving the problem together.

Finally, when we think about supporting our children with behavioural issues and problems, keep in mind that children have rights. One is to be treated fairly and consistently. Parents have rights also. One is to decide what standards of behaviour are acceptable in their own home. The invitation is clear. Treat your child with dignity as you educate them into managing themselves in a loving, respectful family, where effective listening and appreciation of each others’ rights are paramount. This can start from a very early age.

‘Challenging behaviour occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills they have to respond.’

                                                                                  -Youth Dynamics

What about our so-called underachievers?

I have real concerns about the word ‘underachiever’, especially when referring to children. This implies there are children who can perform much better, but actually do not perform well. The name and hence label ‘underachiever’ puts a very damning perception on a child. It implies that they are just not up to the mark and will always be below the line.

In my experience as a school principal for 30 years, I have seen many children, who for a variety of reasons, underperform in some way. Yet over those same years, through sound support and shifting social and emotional growth, they no longer underperform. We all are evolving and morphing into well-rounded human beings. There will always be variations as we grow in how we perform.

If a child has a perception that they are an underperformer, they feel a sense of failure in many and varied ways. It totally saturates their sense of self-worth and their endeavours to do better are very poor. They have little motivation to change that perception.

Here are some reflections to help your child if they feel they are underachieving:

• Look at your own parental attitudes towards achievement. Take care not to demand unrealistic high performance. Are your expectations appropriate in light of your child’s anxiety in this area? Remember every child is different.

• If you have little interest in your child’s performance and general school work, they can’t see the point in trying too hard. Always show interest that demonstrates excitement in their work. It is easy to disengage when interest from parents is low.

• Be careful not to put your child down if they perform less than perfect. Always acknowledge their efforts, applaud the process and celebrate how far they have come. Affirming their performance only because it reaches your suitable expectations can lead a child to be very angry, frustrated and disheartened. They will feel despondent because they cannot reach such expectations all the time.

• Some children will underperform, as they do not want to be different from their peers. I have seen this quite a few times. Easier to be one of the gang, than to stand out with a good effort. In this case, discussions need to be had with the teacher to establish how socially active your child is and how they engage with others. This is more about self-esteem matters.

• If your child is underachieving, take little steps. Affirm their work along the way. If they write a story, affirm the stages they are at and compliment them on their efforts.

• Play games where they sometimes win and talk about the fun of having a go and succeeding. Simple games like snakes and ladders can build confidence in young children. Building blocks are a great tool for seeing success through the endeavour.

• If your child hates chores and says they are boring, simplify the chore. When they finish, have some fun and tell them how finishing the chore makes your life easier.

• Select small attainable goals at home. They will be less frustrated as quickly and feel that they want to finish it off. Sometimes doing the goal with them can be helpful as well.

• It can become a habit to underachieve. Find occasions at home to notice when they did complete tasks well. Talk about them and make a fuss about the success it showed.

• Use positive upbeat language. Not words that can easily put down your child. Words like:‘Wonderful effort’,‘Great show’, ‘Much appreciated’, ‘What an outstanding effort’ and‘Wow what a great job’. It’s all about getting them to hear positive thoughts about their achievements, no matter how inconsequential.

• Little positive notes around the house, in their bedroom and in lunchboxes, about how they did well to achieve certain things is a very effective visual way of letting them feel like an achiever. I used to put a little positive note in each child’s desk each night. This made such a difference to their motivation and drive.

We all have periods of underachieving. Our children will have shifting emotions that, from time to time, may lead them down that path. Just keep up the positive talk and minimise occasions where that sense of hopelessness and reduced drive can linger longer. We don’t want over-achievers; we want natural achievers. 

‘The achiever is the only individual who is truly alive.’

                                                                                          George Allen

Think about cultivating good habits

As a family, we are busy doing many things across the week. Some things are repetitive and some are simply done once or twice. We also practise certain rituals as a family. This may include being pedantic about having a meal together, watching a program together, attending family functions etc. Every family will set up routines and schedules that are very specific to them across the year.

This article is to invite us to reflect on cultivating good habits with our children. They could be simple habits or more complicated ones, but the message is all about conditioning your children to savour and value good habits that they take with them for life.

We can teach these good habits slowly and steadily over the years. They simply require repetition and your child needs to see how you value such habits that enrich your life. Once a child sees the value in the habit and learns to enjoy the experience, it will often stay with them as a useful tool for life.

Consider:

• Tell your child what you really enjoy. For example, do you enjoy planting your own vegetables? If so, teach them how and what you do. Give them exposure to that often and share the joy of sharing your own vegetables.

• If sport and fitness are important aspects of your life, your child will enjoy being part of that self-discipline and sharing in the exercise.

• Your passion and the demonstration of your passion will have an impact on your child. Use it wisely and often. Talk about it and celebrate what habits work for you.

• Remember you are a coach and your child may listen and decide that such a passion or habit does not suit them. Accept the results and be patient. It is amazing how much subliminal learning is held in store.

• How you work will be another example of developing life habits. Talk to your child about what drives your passion in your work and how you best like to work.

• A child will be more inclined to listen when they see how you enjoy something, but place no expectations on them to be or to do the same. Take care to be a model that enjoys what you do and is simply happy to share your knowledge and experience.

• If you have a habit that you value, be consistent with it, this gives it credibility and shows your determination. A child will remember this even though they may not immediately adopt the habit.

• When you have a good habit, remember that when your child adopts it, there will always be room for improvement and your child may wish to reshape the habit. Roll with the changes and let them see how you value their contributions.

• Routines are a great way to teach good habits. A routine is secure and a child knows that boundaries and limits give them a form of reassurance. This is very comforting for most children. Involve your child in setting routines. This way they own the process more and the likelihood of turning goals into lifelong habits is greater.

• Developing good habits is essential for our health. They give direction, reassurance and support better mental health. Achieving and managing lifestyle goals have a better chance when a child sees the regularity of good habits happening at an earlier age.

• Consider starting with very simple habits. Initially, children need to feel that setting up good habits is simple. It is all about developing an easy, enjoyable habit that can then become a life habit.

• Remember to reward along the way. We all need consistent encouragement as we progress. Also, keep the experience positive throughout the entire process of teaching and modelling good habits.

• Be realistic with your expectations. In developing good habits, everything has to be within reason and age-appropriate.

• Have your ground rules expressed with strength and with compassion. Ground rules that work for the whole family are also an excellent way of developing good habits. For example, how about the rule of being on time for the family meal?

• Being involved in your child’s life is a sure way of being a successful model demonstrating how good habits work for you. A child respects and values parents who are actively interested in them.

There are many examples of setting good examples such as demonstrating good manners, caring for elders, showing respect for others etc. The important factor is to be consistently living out those habits in your own life. The example is the key for the child.

All in all, let them have a voice and invite their thoughts and ideas of the family habits set up over the years. The more they feel they have a voice, the greater they will own good habits and build these for themselves their own story.

         ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.’                   

         -Will Durant                                                                          

9 ideas to get the term off to a good start

Term two begins in school with a whole different feel. By now there is a general expectation that relationships have formed in the classroom and that children have a good understanding of where they sit with their teacher. Not to say that this is still a work in progress and children need to feel secure and valued over the school year. Sometimes, with more vulnerable children, that can take some time to develop.

1. Routines should be well set up at home. This should especially apply to before-school routines and homework patterns. Providing such an order does keep children busy and focused. This reduces small anxieties about school that can creep up, particularly in the morning.

2. Every now and then check in with your child that they are keeping in touch with their teacher. A measure of this is usually that they talk about them at home. If you have concerns, talk to your child and follow up with the teacher. They need to be kept in the loop.

3. Routines are well underway in a classroom. Children know the routines, the regular test patterns and the extras that are built into the day. Chat about how their day works. This shows interest and that you have up-to-date information.

4. The teacher will have set expectations of how the children should work by now. It is important that your child understands and is in the swing of following the routines of the school day. A chat at home is also helpful here.

5. Sometimes, with younger children, fatigue can set in and occasionally you may hear ‘I don’t want to go to school.’ Sometimes it comes in the form of stomach aches etc. Here it is important to be strong and keep up with regular school attendance. Research shows that more and more absences from school becomes a habit and has a significant impact on learning.

6. Try to keep up with parent nights, sports days etc. I know the year gets complicated but your continual, ongoing presence in their school life, keeps their optimism up for the year. It can wain once the weather gets colder and days darker.

7. As the winter sets in and the children seem less engaged, maybe this could be the time to throw in some treats or simply reduce duties etc. A little lighter period on everyone can ease the winter blues.

8. Keep up the important family rituals such as having meals together. Such regularity helps everyone feel consistently connected and necessary.

9. Bedtime rituals are important as the year rolls on. Children enjoy that time to often disclose concerns or simply feel connected in a special way to their parents.

Finally, the school year can be challenging for some children. It can also put undue strain on a family that is busy and has a range of expectations. As a parent, keeping the happy momentum is what it is all about. This may need some adjustment and maybe adaptation from time to time. It may also require that you check in with your own needs across the year. Your mental health has a direct impact on the well-being of your children.

         ‘One way to keep up the momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.’

 -Michael Korda

Parent involvement reaps all the benefits

No doubt about it, when parents are actively involved and interested in their child’s learning, the child has an optimal chance of being successful at school.

When your child feels that their school life is connected to their home life and that parents enjoy and participate where possible, great expectations are the order of the day.

Here are some of the outcomes when parents show interest in their child’s schooling:

• A child will have a more positive attitude to their work when they know that parents are interested in what they are learning. This becomes a normal part of home life, talking about the activities and discussions held at school.

• Reading accelerates early when parents engage with them in reading at home. Keep books visible around the house and demonstrate to your child that reading is a natural family experience across the week.

• Parents interested in their child’s learning are always keen to be around at homework time. They understand that there are expectations set by the school and their support makes it easier for children to fall into the routine of doing homework.

• Interested parents are naturally encouraging their children in the whole learning process. Therefore, it’s no surprise that these children are developing an interest in learning and higher education.

• A parent involved in their child’s education also gains some joy from learning new ways and being part of the bigger life of the school. There is nothing more enriching than a school community in full swing.

• When school problems appear, engaged parents are quick to respond and given their insightfulness, problems can be solved more quickly and with less interference.

• Parents engaged with the school build a strong relationship with the teachers. This makes such a difference when issues occur. Teachers are more at ease with interested parents. They feel very comfortable talking to them.

• Talking about school regularly as a family builds a happy image of the paramount importance of school in the life of the child and family.

• A great way to support your child’s learning is to set an example by reading, writing and engaging in other learning activities. Children then see how you value the learning process for yourself.

• A parent is involved when they develop a communication style that invites questions, enjoys problem-solving and having open conversations. The more you show an inquisitive style to a conversation and invite alternative solutions to problems, the more you are teaching your child to think laterally and become a problem solver.

• Proudly boast your child’s school work by having pieces on display around the house. This shows your approval and praise of their work.

• Children who get support from parents do feel more competent at learning. Parent support gives them this boost. It also keeps their interest in attending school regularly.

• When parents show interest the child is happier and their morale is high. This affects their whole disposition to school. They are more inclined to be interested in engaging in more activities.

• Teaching children to value education and is solidified if parents are actively interested in their child’s learning.

Finally, enjoy the journey. You will learn so much from being an active participant in your child’s learning. Nothing is ever lost from exposure to learning and your child will feel more secure knowing that you are walking the path with them.

                          ‘If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.’

-Milton Berle

Using our language well

One of our greatest gifts is the power of speech. It starts from birth with simple sounds and some not so little. As we develop language, we listen and learn about what is said around us. Even intonations are often picked up from family connections and familiarity with people. Language can be used for good and sadly for evil. We teach our children how to use language from our own way of communicating and how we send messages to others.

When we use language effectively, there is so much more to gain and in its own right, it carries more power than blustering through conversations that are reliant on aggressive expression.

Let us think about how effective language can make a difference for your child:

• When you speak calmly and without raising your voice, people will listen with more sincerity. Louder more aggressive tones are often ignored or overrode by people who can become anxious with what is said.

• When you speak, stop and think. Just a little thought about what you have to say can make such a difference in the way you express yourself to others.

• When responding, keep a positive tone. Throw in a little affirmation and reassurance sometimes. ‘Thanks for the lunch. I really enjoyed my time with you.’

• Use words that are not harmful at all times. There are ways of expressing your displeasure, but be careful, using words that label will stick.

• Every now and again check your vocabulary. Can you increase it and find words that are more enriching when explaining situations to others?

• I have always said fewer words are better. This is true, especially if what you have to say is about something negative. Say it and move on. Repeating it does not give it extra merit.

• Children always look for reassurance in your words. Keep a mental check of how you are speaking to them and build positive thoughts about your children. Everyone loves to hear something nice about themselves.

• Remember the ‘I’ statements. ‘I am angry that you broke the vase. That was my favourite gift from my aunty’. When angry, an ‘I’ statement with a logical reason behind it is more effective than using poor language and just being angry.

• Play games like scrabble. They increase your vocabulary and teach your children the benefits of having a broad range of words as back up.

• Remember, when speaking, talk at a pace and a level of hearing that works for your child. Talking too fast may mean that they do not hear or listen to what you say. Choose a pace and volume that works.

• Do not use an aggressive voice when dealing with children. Hostility can be picked up from the voice and this can very easily intimidate and overwhelm your child.

• When your child speaks, become a good listener. Try not to interrupt. They need to express their thoughts in complete sentences and with time to reflect. Jumping in quickly undermines their voice.

• Practise expressing your words clearly. Avoid abbreviations and take your time saying what you need to say. Your child is learning from you, the art of speaking well.

• Monitor your body language when speaking. A lot can be said from poor body language.

• Try to focus when talking and not drift away onto other topics. Children will listen more if you talk about what is important and nothing more. Idol chatter is seldom heard.

• Speaking can use empathy and other essential emotions that are important in building relations with children. Use these motions wisely and not for manipulative purposes.

• Speaking well to children helps them shape their emotional development and builds relationships with others, A child who is spoken to with dignity and respect learns to like and value themselves.

• If children are surrounded by good language, their literacy skills improve immensely and their confidence in using good language grows. Such growth feeds into their self-esteem and the child feels able-bodied in independently talking about things that matter to them. A confident, well-spoken child is a joy to behold.

Finally, a parent who uses language as a skill that will give their child a better chance in life is a wise parent.

‘The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.’

-Ludwig Wittgenstein

Friendships are important in your child’s life

I am certain that a social anthropologists would tell us that somewhere back in the cave man era, man grew the desire, perhaps need, to develop friendship. Coming out of their cave and socialising would have been yet another important step in mankind’s evolution.

We all need friendship and we need to have the ability to connect with others. We do not need, nor were we ever designed to live in isolation. It must now be part of our DNA. Children at school age start to develop friendships where they gradually develop a sense of belonging. This process begins at birth. It is a slow, steady process and for each child, the journey will be different.  

There is so much to say about the value and necessity of the child developing friendship. Within each relationship there is so much about themselves they learn and this will come with some pain and glory. A child learns much about developing resilience, becoming intuitive and above all, goes through the rigour of developing emotional intelligence all through the journey of forming and sustaining friends.

As parents, we have a very special role to support them in their evolving understanding and development of friendships.

Here a few thoughts to give us direction in this critical guiding role:

• Remember, your child’s friends are not your friends. Sometimes we can show our disapproval of who they bring home or who they befriend. In subtle ways we can say and do things that worry your child about the friends they enjoy. This can make them doubt their own judgement. 

• Your child will meet friends and move on after time with some of those friendships. Accept that they need to be the one who judges the worth of their friends. This can sometimes come with pain but that is how they build resilience and grow wiser in making suitable choices.

• Support their friendships by getting to know their friends. Be interested in them and organise play dates to support the friendships.

• When you see friendship troubles brewing, simply remind them about social cues and listen to their concerns. Once again, remember they are not your friends nor is it your responsibility to sort out their concerns.

• As a child builds friends and they go through the rigour of the ups and downs, they will learn about empathy and altruism. They will discover many emotions through their friends and will be introduced to other ways of viewing the world. Be open and listen to what they say. Take care not to shut them down too quickly. They expect to learn from their friends. It’s natural.

• Watch and learn how your child plays and socialises. This will help you fit into their world with ease. You will understand them more by watching their games, chats etc.

• Model positive social behaviour. Let them know and see that developing your own friends is important for your social world.

• Affirm your child when they show initiative in approaching others to develop friendships. For anxious children, this can be a very difficult step to take.

• All of your children will approach friendship differently. One child may be incredibly gregarious and would like everyone in the class to be their friend. Another child is perhaps more reserved and may be happy with just one or two close friends. Accept that the needs are different for each child. Celebrate their differences in this way.

• Children gain amazing opportunities from joining activity groups and through organised sport. Even if they are not great communicators themselves, sport takes care of that as they become an active team player.

• Respect the fact that a loss of friendship can be quite devastating for a while. Often girls can harbour upset feelings for a long time. They don’t seem to forget their hurt easily. Generally, boys will get angry and blame the other person for the breakdown. Sometimes a quick fight sorts it out. Either way be a good listener and understand that a loss of friendship can take a while to heal. They need space to grieve and heal.

• Play is a very large part of how children connect from infancy. From an early age involve your child in playgroups, friendship meetings with other parents etc. From a very early age, your child needs to be playing alongside other children, which will ultimately lead to social connections. In these settings they learn to control negative emotions and begin to recognise other people’s emotions. At first they simply play alongside each other, but after a while they need to make connections and that is when it all begins.

• Your child learns to be more social, through your loving disposition, warmth and positive way of disciplining your child. Parenting in a punitive way will only delay a child’s ability to effectively socialise. Strict discipline lowers a child’s self confidence which retards their ability to socialise effectively.

Socially anxious children need parenting that is sensitive and positive. Through your gentle support and encouragement in a safe and happy environment that encourages social engagement, friendships will develop. Here they will need plenty of trust and reassurance around them.

                  ‘Childhood friendships are timeless treasures of the heart.’

                                                                 - Proud Happy Mama

Swearing is something we need to monitor in our children

Language is such a powerful tool. Children learn quickly that language gives them a great ability to get their needs met and to communicate with others. Children learn language primarily from parents and other environments such as kinder and school. They need to decipher early what is acceptable language and what will cause some distress. Of course, children will use swearing for different purposes. Some do it as attention seeking, some feel some kudos from doing it and others might feel it gives them some power.

These reasons are clear indications that we need to encourage children to understand how destructive swearing can be when it comes to forming their character. They need to identify what is unacceptable to say and when one should be aware of what is appropriate to say.

Consider:

• When you hear your child swearing, walk away. Look uncomfortable. Do not respond and show by your action that you disapprove of the swearing. You will not be party to such unacceptable language. Discuss later why you feel very unsettled by their swearing. They need to learn how isolating and damaging swearing is to building relationships.

• Talk to your child about how to express themselves when angry, disappointed etc.‘I am angry at…’  ‘I am sad when you…’.

This is all about finding alternative ways to express strong feelings, other than swearing. They need to learn the value of an ‘I’ statement that will give them more control over their feelings. However, it does need practice.

• Watch your own language at home as they will of course repeat what you say. Talk about finding a common word like ‘bother, darn, fruit’ etc that can be used instead of swear words. Make it a game if necessary that highlights the need to stop swearing.

• Older children sometimes enjoy a swear jar. Here you put in money when you swear. Parents should be part of this, it should become a family exercise. When a child uses a swear word that is totally unacceptable, take care to check if they actually understand what the word means. Sometimes they simply think about the effect and have very little understanding of its meaning. Here you will need to take the child aside and explain how this word is hurtful and inappropriate.

Some home truths to ask your child:

                   How do you like being sworn at?

                   Does it make you feel poorly?

                   Do you understand what has been said?

          The child should reflect on how the impact on them is hurtful.

There are many people around them that will swear to achieve an effect. Try to simply teach them that explaining yourself clearly can have much more of an effect than swearing. This is all about teaching them how to diffuse the short-term power that comes from swearing and replace it with solid sentences that have a more mature way of dealing with emotions. This of course may take time.

Remember that your child will try on many hats when growing into an adolescent. Teaching them the power of good language is giving them wonderful tools to use in building their self-confidence.

          ‘The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.’

                                                                            -Ludwig Wittgenstein