Swearing is something we need to monitor in our children

Language is such a powerful tool. Children learn quickly that language gives them a great ability to get their needs met and to communicate with others. Children learn language primarily from parents and other environments such as kinder and school. They need to decipher early what is acceptable language and what will cause some distress. Of course, children will use swearing for different purposes. Some do it as attention seeking, some feel some kudos from doing it and others might feel it gives them some power.

These reasons are clear indications that we need to encourage children to understand how destructive swearing can be when it comes to forming their character. They need to identify what is unacceptable to say and when one should be aware of what is appropriate to say.

Consider:

• When you hear your child swearing, walk away. Look uncomfortable. Do not respond and show by your action that you disapprove of the swearing. You will not be party to such unacceptable language. Discuss later why you feel very unsettled by their swearing. They need to learn how isolating and damaging swearing is to building relationships.

• Talk to your child about how to express themselves when angry, disappointed etc.‘I am angry at…’  ‘I am sad when you…’.

This is all about finding alternative ways to express strong feelings, other than swearing. They need to learn the value of an ‘I’ statement that will give them more control over their feelings. However, it does need practice.

• Watch your own language at home as they will of course repeat what you say. Talk about finding a common word like ‘bother, darn, fruit’ etc that can be used instead of swear words. Make it a game if necessary that highlights the need to stop swearing.

• Older children sometimes enjoy a swear jar. Here you put in money when you swear. Parents should be part of this, it should become a family exercise. When a child uses a swear word that is totally unacceptable, take care to check if they actually understand what the word means. Sometimes they simply think about the effect and have very little understanding of its meaning. Here you will need to take the child aside and explain how this word is hurtful and inappropriate.

Some home truths to ask your child:

                   How do you like being sworn at?

                   Does it make you feel poorly?

                   Do you understand what has been said?

          The child should reflect on how the impact on them is hurtful.

There are many people around them that will swear to achieve an effect. Try to simply teach them that explaining yourself clearly can have much more of an effect than swearing. This is all about teaching them how to diffuse the short-term power that comes from swearing and replace it with solid sentences that have a more mature way of dealing with emotions. This of course may take time.

Remember that your child will try on many hats when growing into an adolescent. Teaching them the power of good language is giving them wonderful tools to use in building their self-confidence.

          ‘The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.’

                                                                            -Ludwig Wittgenstein

Teach our children to be flexible and with this, determination

We live in a world that demands a flexible and open way of being and doing. The more obstinate and single minded we become, the more obstacles we have and the lack of interest people will show in our causes. This blog is a combination of thinking about flexibility and with it the importance of being determined.

Let’s teach our children that they can be flexible and when things don’t go their way, they can change direction, try another way and with determination, keep going. How many times do things go wrong and we are left with the question of what now? A determined mind and a disposition to be flexible and try a different way, shows stamina and invariably leads to success and most definitely more satisfaction.

Take for example a child who struggles to understand subtraction. Try as they might they just can’t understand how it works. In this case, if he decides to learn a different way or perhaps set up separate lessons with his teacher, he is showing determination and a flexible approach to solving subtraction. Here there is no defeat, but a stoic approach to getting on top of the problem. What great resilience to teach your child. What wonderful feelings of being successful a child will have.

 Consider:

• There will be times when a problem gets on top of you. Talk to your child about all the approaches you will try to solve the problem. Let them know that with flexibility and new way of thinking, the problem can be solved. There will be no walking away from the situation.

• Your child will need help from time to time. If it’s homework, avoid frustration and look for alternative ways to solve the issue. It may be a simple solution of just talking to the teacher. Either way, you let them know that it is important to get on top of the problem.

• When you see your child struggling with their toys, games etc, rather than putting them away making excuses like, ‘it’s too hard or you’re so tired’, try working on suggestions: ‘Let’s find another way to put that Lego together.’ ‘The jigsaw is tricky, let’s turn it around and start from the other end.’

Here we are saying that all is possible with new ideas and the belief that you can do it.

• How many times do we put things away to avoid increasing problems or disappointments? Show them that conquering the problem is the way to go using creativity and finding flexible tools. The reward is to complete the task which is so satisfying. Of course, everything within reason and a responsible parent knows when enough effort is enough.

Try to teach the principle.‘If we can’t do this, then we can have a go another way.’

Teach them that something tackled is worth finishing and that finding different ways around the problem is very satisfying.

• Children can often get disappointed because they discover that they are not good runners, or they are poor at spelling. This is where we move in by reminding them that you find other things that they are good at. Teachers are very capable of redirecting a child’s focus when they feel let down when they are not showing skill in a certain area. This is being determined to not be put down by failure, but redirecting one’s thinking to what makes you shine. It is also recognising that we cannot be perfect at everything.

• We all have losses and we all recognise that some things may not be obtainable but if we teach our children to be flexible and keep persevering, who knows where this life lesson goes? How many stories do we hear of brave acts such as sailing solo around the world with major disabilities?

A child who learns the value of perseverance and has an optimistic approach to solving problems in different ways is a fortunate child. They learn that having a go may mean failure but having another go, it might just work!

        ‘They can’t use up creativity. The more you use the more they have.’

                                                                           -Mayo Angelou

Watch out for the impostor syndrome that can creep up slowly

Have you ever felt that you were just not worthy of rewards or that you felt that people had misjudged you or that you weren’t as capable as people thought. Perhaps somebody else should have your position? Beware, this is called the impostor syndrome. This is where we tend to believe that we are fooling others and rising above our status and capabilities. It can be one of those syndromes that can start early and I have seen, in some children, a lack of willingness to take awards, or put themselves first, because they thought others were more worthy. A child can start to develop stepping back approach to and not expecting to be chosen because of their feeling of unworthiness.

Let us consider how we can ensure that our children reduce their feelings of insecurity:

• Always try to reinforce with them why they have succeeded. In this way you are being specific about their achievements. They are real and clearly being stated “Well done. You won that award because you can run so fast. It is a great skill of yours.”

• Encourage your child to put their names forward for all types of events and opportunities. Explain that better to be in the race than not.

• Talk about how you cope with feelings that others deserve it more than you. Perhaps you have had times when you were reluctant to put yourself forward. How did you handle it?

• Having knowledge that you are capable and that there are good reasons why you should be chosen is a key to being on top of this problem.

• Reinforce regularly to your children that we all have some fear about taking on new steps but that they are worthy and that they should feel proud of all their achievements.

• Sometimes it’s worth just listing all the capabilities your child demonstrates. Sometimes seeing it gives a strong message of their sense of worth.

• Talk to your child’s teacher and ask if there are any signs that your child is choosing to stand back from being chosen or is reluctant to put up their hands. Teachers are very good at bringing children into the scene and ensuring that their engagement in the class is full and healthy. The classroom is an especially important space for your child to feel strong and confident in themselves amongst their peers. So much of this impostor syndrome is about you feeling less worthy than others.

• Try to avoid put downs to your child. These are sure fired ways of making them feel less worthy. Words stick and can be remembered for a long time.

• Take care not to rush to negative talk when a situation develops. Here we are trying to encourage our children not to immediately focus on the negative. When a tricky situation occurs think about the positive first. Be drawn to thinking about good outcomes before honing in on the negative.

Finally, we all can suffer from being a little nervous but here we are trying to ensure that our children do not become conditioned to stepping back and feeling less worthy than others. A healthy dose of personal confidence and feeling of worthiness is what we seek for our children. It is a very healthy disposition to like yourself and feel achievable and worthy.

                   ‘Love isn’t something you have to deserve.’

                                                                                  -Jennifer Echols

Keep an eye out for perfectionism

Perfectionism is closely aligned to anxiety of various sorts. It can be triggered in many ways, but once it takes hold it can very destructive. It can become toxic. Children particularly can be affected by perfectionism. It may manifest itself when doing a test. It can be all about not completing work for fear of getting it wrong. It can also encourage procrastination where a child chooses not to make decisions. There are many irrational beliefs that a child can develop when perfectionism creeps in. I have noticed that first children can have reservations about completing tasks that are not good enough. Often, the second child was more relaxed, the first child showed reservations caught up with fear of making a mistake. Here it was about not letting anyone see their mistakes, the least of which was parents. Perfectionism holds you back from achieving your goals.

As parents, we can be partially responsible for our children having fears and doubts, as they do not want to disappoint us. This is very big in their mind, especially as they see how excited we are about their achievements. At a very early age, they see the excitement on the face of their parents when they are successful.

Consider:

• When affirming your child, try to comment on their efforts not focusing too much on the outright success. The measuring of success can make a child anxious. Sometimes good is good enough.‘You got everything right just like the other day. How smart you are.’ This can set a precedence where the child has to keep up the performance. Nothing less that perfect is what is required!

• Explain that nobody is perfect and it is all about the effort and outcomes that come from the drive.‘You certainly put all the effort into your work. Congratulations.’

• When you talk about your child’s strengths, occasionally mention those areas that they are working on.‘I notice how great you are at helping with setting the table. Thank you. Sometimes help with the dishes is good also. Let me show you the best way to stack the dishwasher’. Here we say we are always working to improve and learn new skills.

• Always state that you do not expect your child to be perfect. In fact perfection is a myth. It is important to articulate that to your child. Sometimes they simply need to hear it! Often! Remember perfectionism is all about earning approval.

• Use the rating scale. It comes in handy. Ask your child occasionally what number out of ten do they give themselves for some activity. Talking about the number reminds everyone that life is a work in progress. It is all about continuous improvement.

• Children love heroes. Talk about some of their idols such as sporting heroes and their struggles and determination to overcome being the perfect athlete etc. How do they manage being satisfied with their performance especially when they don’t win? How do they manage a lack of perfection? Where or how do they find contentment in their flaws?

• Sometimes simply making one mistake can be catastrophic and take over a child’s belief that they are a complete failure. We could call this self abuse! This is of course a major problem for some children. From an early age focus not on the performance but the effort and passions that your child shows. Affirm their contributions and applaud their recognition of other children’s efforts. ‘Well done. You tried so hard and worked so long with that project. Such endurance. It is also pleasing to see that some children also showed great creativity in their work.’ Teaching them to share the glory strengthens empathy. It defuses the        importance on the child as well.

Finally, children learn from an early age to compare themselves to others. Many external influences are out of your control. Your role is simply to remind them by word and deed that they are a special individual and that performance is not a measure of how successful they are as a person.

‘Perfectionism is the art of never being satisfied.’

                                                                                          -Unknown

Sibling matters really matter!

It is such a natural part of family life to have to deal with sibling issues. Children come in different shapes and sizes and their place in the family, age and temperament will determine how they respond to sibling matters. Do not be too surprised when there are fall outs and they say how they hate their brother or sister. The parent’s role is to negotiate their way through these times which will always be changing. The fact that family dynamics are constantly on the move as children grow and family circumstances shift, reminds us that we need not get too stressed when there is a sibling blow out! It is amazing how their feelings towards each other will vacillate according to shifting circumstances, mood, temperament and wellbeing. Don’t be surprised when the pendulum swings from one end to the other.

The parent’s role is to be the navigators through these situations. The following thoughts remind us not to worry too much, but to use some strategies to ensure that navigation is as accurate and smooth as possible:

• When squabbles occur, remember to be an effective listener, but despite what you may think, do not take one side over the other.

• Encourage them always to resolve matters themselves where possible. This is always the best option, but consider their age and capacity to work through the matter.

• Try to be fair and just when discussing consequences. Make sure that the discipline given is understood and accepted by the child or children.

• Keep in mind the age of your child. Younger children will not be able to comprehend the situation the same way as an older child can understand. Each child should be spoken to for age appropriateness and readiness to listen. This means that the nature of the discipline should fit their age.

• Sometimes we worry far too much about their fights. Always check in with them as sometimes the dispute is already resolved and your involvement is not necessary.

• On the positive side, having a sibling and learning to share, negotiate and sometimes compromise is a great way to learn life skills. So occasional fights and healthy resolutions can be a positive thing.

• Remember it is your home and you set many of the rules. Sometimes they just have to go by the rules with no negotiation.

• Being fair is so important as lack of fairness can build further resentment.

• When talking about your children, avoid negative talk about one child in front of the other. This can be unsettling and misunderstood easily.

• As a family, set up rules about how you deal with fights. Ensure fairness and listening to both sides is built into the plan.

• Be aware that they see how you manage conflict with your partner, other children, family members etc. Your model is so important.

• Always aim to problem solve. Invite both children to come up with ideas to resolve the matter and let them settle on a resolution where both needs are understood. Then check in later to see how it all went for both of them.

• Remember that sibling relationships will include at times feelings of jealousy. Bickering is common and often they feel resentful. It is all about sharing affection and feeling that you have a fair share of family love. Try to give individual time to each child. It is amazing what you learn and your child feels happier being personally connected to you.

• Pick the battles you think are necessary. Sometimes avoiding less significant issues means less conflict at home.

• Always remain calm and steady when a conflict breaks out! Your emotional reaction can easily inflame a situation.

• Try not to encourage competition between them. They are all different and celebrating differences is the key. Find time as a family to celebrate all their differences and make this a key feature of what you love about each of your children.

• Being fair does mean that what they get does not always have to be equal. Teach them that there are different reasons for giving each child what they need. Remember siblings are the people you practise on in becoming a full human.

• Plan family fun time together on a regular basis. This way, cooperation and happy moments together is valued in the family. When there is tension building with siblings, take them out for some exercise. Just breaking up those tense moments can defuse a situation. It’s all about being proactive and defusing potential conflict. Exercise is a great stress buster!

• If you are giving some consequences to a child, don’t make it public. Embarrassment and feelings of being inferior in front of others can build long lasting resentment.

Finally, the fact that sibling issues occur across their family lifetime gives them the opportunity to grow in understanding important lessons in life such as forgiveness, tolerance, patience, empathy etc. Your strong presence in providing a climate where they feel they are dealt with fairly will fuel their emotional and social intelligence. This will help them forge strong effective relationships where they can live cooperatively with others.

                     ‘Siblings: Your only enemy you can’t live without.’

                                                                                             Anonymous

Do you need to say everything? Is it best to leave some things unsaid?

We are quick to jump in with responses and ideas about how to deal with all kinds of things. It is natural to have an answer, especially if you think you have all the good news to tell and the answers to give. Sometimes it’s harder to stop and just reflect on the scene. We should spend a little more time listening to what others have to say before we respond, but instead we sometimes jump in. Are we truly prepared to give the best response or to selfishly take the scene from others?

There is wisdom in slowing down and reflecting before jumping in to conversations with haste. This is also so important around your child. They know that you have much to say and will have opinions around many of the things they do. I invite you to consider slowing down rather than jumping in. Give them the right to reply first. Let them see that you don’t speak in haste.

Consider:

• If you are quick to give answers, your child will learn quickly that their opinions are second rate and the possibility of them seriously engaging in opinions slows down. Give them space to respond and that way they know their opinions count.

• Let them know that you are interested in how they respond. Give them a look to say that you are reflecting on what was said and would welcome their thoughts. You are giving them room to have an opinion.

• Sometimes when we jump in quickly, we can respond in not the best way and feel disappointed with what we said. This can happen with our child and we soon regret how we spoke and what we said. A moment’s silence in gathering thoughts before responding can be so advantageous in not using damaging or careless words.

• If your child sees that you stop and evaluate what it is you want to say, they learn that being reflective before speaking is a great tool. It enables you to speak with more care and consideration of the other person. Also it is very effective modelling as a parent.

• When we respond to chatter are we doing it to emotionally feel connected, selfishly to feel that your opinion is strong or prematurely to feel part of the group? The more certain we are of ourselves, the less we need to prove in responding inappropriately or too quickly.

• Show your child that you respond when ready, not rushed and when you have thought through what you want to say. The timing of words matter.

• Point out to your child the people who are very reflective respondents to conversations. Let them learn that quickly coming up with a response can lead to things being said that are not appropriate or necessary.

• It is an advantage to slow down responses so some things may not be said that could lead to further distress or simply are not necessary to say at all. Sometimes not having a lot to say can be a good thing. Better no harm than using careless words. Better less words with greater depth of meaning.

• If you are a person who thinks through your responses carefully, your child will come to understand that what you have to say has much value. They will see you as a very sincere person, who says things only with meaning, purpose and when necessary. This teaches them that over chatter does not have the same impact or value as sincere words that have been thought through. Could it also imply that people who have a lot to say are given less credibility than people who speak with simplicity and only what is necessary to say?

Finally how often have we heard, ‘He is a man of few words but when he speaks we listen.’

‘Silence speaks when words can’t.’

                                                                              - PinInterest

10 strategies to get the best from school as the year begins

Now that your child has started school, think about what we control and what we don’t. There will be many challenges for your child in the classroom but they are their challenges and we simply listen and encourage them through the process.

1. You will have many pressures on you as the year progresses. You can start to say ‘no’ so that you scrutinise what you are doing. This will give more time identify what is important in the family and with your child. Start discerning what is really important so that you can unclutter your time.

2. Your child is back at school. Make everyday a learning day. Listen to what they tell you after school and enjoy all the new learning that comes their way. Be excited and interested in what new aspects of school life they have discovered.

3. When you talk to your child about school days, keep in mind that their world is to be owned by them. Be an active listener and not invasive in helping them solve their problems. Be a consultant and listen with interest.

4. Keep up healthy morning rituals to get the children up and running. A strong, consistent morning routine helps them stay focused and get to school with the least distraction. This is especially important for the more anxious child.

5. Don’t be angry in the mornings. Make them a happy, stable space for the child in getting ready for school. They need to go to school in a happy disposition. Otherwise, a child will only contemplate that angry feeling over the day, which will limit their opportunities.

6. Try to keep insignificant matters down to a minimum. There is much to absorb when school starts and the more insignificance we bring into our time, the less we focus on the important things. Keep things simple and uncomplicated.

7. Be careful not to dive into saying things that could be best left unsaid. You will hear much from your child when they come home each day. Listen and process the information. Pause and think before you have an opinion. They will pick up your judgement very quickly.

8. As the weeks and the year unfolds, you will learn much about the class, teachers, etc. you may change your opinion over time. Take care not to be too opinionated early in the year. Your child needs to make their own judgements and learn from that experience.

9. Concentrate on the present situation at school. Try not to worry about future issues that may occur. What is surprising, is the twist and turns that happen over a school year. Much is unpredictable and we cannot plan for it. Just enjoy the moments as your child finds their way through the first few weeks of school. Everything is a discovery.

10. When you hear some negative talk, try to give the school the benefit of the doubt. Schools work very hard to build strong foundations with parents and often what you hear may not be the truth. Your child needs to feel that you trust and have faith in their school. This gives them the reassurance they need every day. Let the school year be a growing time for your child with all the optimism and hope that it can possibly carry for the year.

‘Optimism isn’t a belief that things will automatically get better, it’s a conviction that we can make things better.’

-Melinda Gates

Do you have plans for a fresh start in the brand new year?

Why not? There are many who use this time of the year as a time to reflect on what new initiatives they would like to start. The warmth of Summer days and the feeling of rest and recuperation can easily put in a new zest to the new year. Perhaps you are thinking about setting up healthier routines, changing work patterns etc. All is possible if the desire is strong and the determination is solid.

Your child should be also considered in setting up healthier routines. Each year as they grow there are new challenges, they will also experience changing growth curves intellectually, emotionally, physically and socially. Building a stronger family around routine and working towards ongoing improvement is the key.

Consider:

• Have a family discussion about introducing some simple changes and improvements at home. This could be all about the kitchen or simply a discussion about what we can do to make our busy family life easier.

• Shaking off old habits can be difficult. Many of our habits are ingrained and will take some time to change. Try changing long term habits slowly. Don’t rush otherwise it is very comfortable and easy to slip back into old ways. Let your child know that you are slowly working to change a bad habit or simply to improve one.

• Some children find it helpful to write down their ideas for change. Talk to them about their plan but encourage them to start slowly. Affirm them when they show signs of some effort in making changes.

• There are many new experiences about to happen for your child in the new year. This may include a new teacher, new friends, different curriculum challenges, new buildings in which to become familiar. Talk about what they may need to change or perhaps adapt a new way of thinking for this new year. Encourage them to think about the fresh start that will need some adjustment. Perhaps they struggled with their classmates last year. What habits can they develop to start the school year well with friends?

• Be realistic when thinking about setting up new pathways for change. Start to become mindful of those habits that you want to change. Think about why they are comfortable and why they are causing you some concern? Reflect on those particular patterns you want to change with your child. Be inclusive and ensure that they are open to your ideas.

• When discussing with your child the possibility of change, don't forget to include all the positive experiences they had last year that made a difference. Perhaps it was a year when they learnt how to make new friends etc. Build the foundation that increases our strengths, working on habits to improve is a natural process.

• Children love to feel excited and anticipate all the good things that are ahead for them in the new year. Here is a chance to talk about the great adventures to come. For example, they may be looking forward to school camp. Talk about what is a positive habit to get ready for camp. It’s all about building that foundation that is strong and positive.

• Keep a simple list on the fridge of some positive changes that you want to make and, of course, your child can include their plan. This gives you a chance to chat about them from time to time. Younger children can colour in their plans, some may put their thoughts in a box and bring them out when a habit has changed.  Have some fun with it. You are basically encouraging positive change which helps them grow stronger in so many ways.

Finally, your child is listening and learning from you. They are in tune with how you think and what habits are important in your life. Giving them guidance around building new habits and reflecting on that change is healthy. It’s all about teaching them that growth. in many ways, comes from such change.

              ‘Successful people are simply those with successful habits’

                                                                                  -Brian Tracey

A few thoughts about what your child wants from school this year

School is such an immense part of a child’s life as well as having a major impact on the whole family. Of course we expect it to be a time that fulfils many objectives including stimulating a child’s imagination and developing a love for learning. We have high expectations when our child steps into the school and we trust that the environment will be a good fit for our child.

What make a child happy when at school? This is important as we now happy students are motivated students.

• They need and want to be an active participant in class. This gives them credibility and a feeling of inclusion.

• A busy school with plenty of activities excites and stimulates a child to become actively involved. Schools should not be docile places.

• Every child needs to feel appreciated, to regularly have affirmation and acknowledgement for their efforts. No one copes well without feeling that they are capable of success and that they are recognised for their efforts by others that they value.

• Regular success feeds the desire to keep learning. A school that focuses on success is a winner.

• A child needs to be in relationship with other children. Developing friendships is critical to a child. Their social world is such an important part of their emotional growth. In a school setting, a child can have a powerful journey in building relationships over the years.

Here are some basic thoughts to aid and abet your child getting the best from school this year:

•      Listen well to what they have to say

•      Be available which may mean adjusting your busy schedule.

•      Be a parent and not a friend which at times may take you in a different direction.

•      Let them take ownership as much as possible independence is key to better learning.

• Talk about school regularly and postively so that it comfortably intertwines with family life.

• Remember that it is their school and their journey, which means at times you may need to step back and let them work through issues themselves.

• Read everything that comes home from school and talk about all the activities available. Show as much interest as you can in what your child is doing at school.

Finally, for your child to be happy and get the best from the school you need to a be a parent that presents a happy face and shows great pride in all their endeavours.

Good luck family in starting the new school year!

          ‘It’s one of my favourite seasons of the year: back to school.’

                                                                                       -Dana Perino

Start the year understanding ourselves better

Consider what is holding us back in many ways. If we are always focusing on helping our children, we also need to think about matters that we can turn around in our own life.

Sometimes we preoccupy ourselves with self doubt. We are quick to think its too hard, too difficult or not within our realm of capabilities. We have a tendency to inflate the threat in our mind and this can cause a shutdown of interest, in pushing further with the idea or activity. Show your child that we can manage self doubt by focusing on positive feelings about achievement. If your child sees how you push ahead with determination and avoid the negative feelings that make you doubt your ability, they will learn to be determined and start to develop a non defeatist mentality.

Beware perfectionism. It’s a killer when it comes to living comfortably around all sorts of things on a daily basis. It can make you feel vulnerable and never satisfied, anxious about not completing things. Even if you have this tendency, talk to your child about how it can make life difficult for you. Show them that perfectionism can bring you down and take care not to put too much pressure on them. Remind your child that they are good enough to do all sorts of things and they should take up opportunities where possible.

Remember that we have moments of feeling socially disengaged ourselves. Sometimes it is easier to stay disengaged and not put ourselves out there with others. Talk to your child if you have these feelings and tell them how you are working to solve them. Being socially engaged is critical for self development. Keep an eye on your child’s swings as your role is to motivate and encourage their social skills across many groups.

Remember we are not perfect individuals. As adults and parents we have all the usual fears and phobias that anyone can have across the years. The challenge for us is to be honest with our children and let them see that life is a work in progress. You are working on your own agendas and by inviting your child into learning about the strategies and tactics you use to help you, real understanding and teaching occurs. Your child loves you implicitly. They will be very sympathetic and will understand your journey better if you keep them in the loop. Rather than letting your child live around your own struggles and challenges, allow them in to see how you work on feeling better, getting better and setting goals. They are very sensitive to your emotional triggers and the more they understand about what presses your buttons, the more tolerant they are to the situation.  

You will be surprised how their developing empathy and love can do a lot of good for all the family. 

                   ‘I don’t want my children to follow in my footsteps

           I want them to take the path next to me and go further than

                   I could have ever dreamt possible.’

                                                                               -Picture quotes.com

8 dos and don'ts as your child starts school

This is a busy and exciting time for your child. They are about to be bombarded with a new class environment and all that involves. Now is a time for you to give them some space in the early days of starting school.

Consider these thoughts about a few don'ts at the beginning of the year.

1. Let your child settle in. Try not to ask too many questions especially in the first few weeks where your child is just getting their head around the changes.

2. Don’t set too high expectations so soon into the year. Your child will learn how the dynamics of the classroom works, they are in the early days of forming a relationship with their teacher and this may take some time to solidify.

3. Don’t put excessive demands on them at this stage of the year. They will have new demands on them which will take time to work through in their mind.

4. Have a presence at the school but give them space. They will be busy forming relationship or reacquainting themselves with friends. This can be a sensitive matter for some children.

5. Try to keep the social life of the family to a minimum in the first bracket of the year. Your child will come home from school tired and needing time to reorientate themselves to a new school year. Plenty of sleep and a balanced program is the best.

6. If you have queries about your child’s teachers, classroom situation etc. don’t speak too openly about your concerns to your child. They are forming their own opinions which will ultimately impact on their learning. Talk to your child’s teacher and be discreet about the nature of the conversations. Early opinions can often be wrong.

7. Everyone takes time to come out of holiday mode and into schools and routine. Don’t be too critical if it takes them a little time to reorientate. We all need adjustment time. After all it’s still Summer!

8. Try not to comment on their friendships. These may be changing and your child needs time to sift through all the children that are now part of their circle. Their emotional growth will come from being discerning, making mistakes and learning how to sustain friends. Remember they are not your friends.

 Finally, these first few weeks will not look like the last two weeks even of this term. The classroom environment will evolve over time. Be patient let the grass settle and let your child find their roots in the new environment of school they are embracing for 2023. Teachers always plan term one as being a very flexible term, where they expect the unexpected and begin to build harmonious relationships with the children. All this takes time.

                           ‘Slow and steady wins the race.’

                                                                 -Robert Lloyd

Is bullying an issue for your child?

Sadly, this is an area that we are dealing with across all schools. From time-to-time, schools develop great policies that seem to work to protect the victim and to change the behaviour of the offender. However, they can break down and once a child feels the pressure of repeated bullying, it can become quite a consuming and damaging part of their life. In many cases it is not forgotten.

Of course, there is the argument that we need to toughen our children to the real world. I would agree with this, except bullying has an incredibly damaging impact on a child’s wellbeing, which can be lasting and have major impact on a child’s sense of self-worth. A child’s school performance will drop quickly if they lose their sense of personal confidence.

Here are a few ideas to keep you focused on the issue of bullying:

• When chatting with your child, listen to any statements being made about feeling less interested in school. Of course, there are obvious signs such as bruising etc. but sometimes a child wants to simply not attend school because of the passive aggressive pressure being placed on them. Gently ask questions to establish why they have lost interest in school.

• If you suspect some bullying, take care not to be too direct in questioning. That can sometimes scare them off. Also, they fear that your interference can make it worse. This is a big issue with children not disclosing bullying, if they think their parents will intervene and overreact.

‘You seem unhappy with school now. I wonder what makes you feels so sad?’ Ask gentle, general questions.

• A child needs to feel that when they tell you about it, you are really listening and not just treating it lightly. When a child is bullied, they need reassurance and faith that their parents will take it seriously.

• Of course, overreacting and wanting to solve the problem by approaching the bully yourself is not the answer. If your child thinks that you will deal with it that way, they are more inclined not to tell you. Take care not to be the person who solves the problem on your own. That behaviour does not make for a better parent.

• Listen carefully and get an accurate picture of what is happening. Let them talk about their feelings and ask them to be specific about the bullying.

·       Who is doing it?

·       What are they actually doing to your child?

·       How often does it happen?

·       When and how does your child deal with it now?

• Sometimes children can be vague about the bullying because they are anxious and feel interference will make it worse. Go gently and gain accurate and specific information. Try not to put thoughts in their mind that their behaviour has caused this to happen. However, try to learn what aggravates this behaviour.

• Discuss the actions to take with your child. Give them strategies but also go straight to the school initially deal with the teacher and discuss how it will be handled. A Principal will most often refer this back to the teacher who understands more about the dynamics of their class.

• Your child needs to be aware of all the actions that needs to be taken and what the school expects of them. Read their school policy on bullying very carefully. It will contain expectations on the part of the one bullying and the victim.

• Ongoing discussion with your child will ensure that they know you are concerned and that no one rests until the bullying has stopped. Keep in regular touch with the school to ensure that the action has gone away. If still unsatisfied, talk to the Principal.

• Discuss with your child how they are feeling and have they learnt any strategies to deal with such issues in the future. Whilst we all have strong feelings about consequences for the one bullying, we want our child to learn how to prevent further bullying occurring.

• Keep in touch with the school to be satisfied that the issue of bullying is still being addressed. Bullying can transform itself in various ways and creep back without ongoing maintenance from the school and parents.

A child has a fundamental right to feel safe and to be treated fairly and respectfully. Schools and parents need to work together to ensure that emotional, intellectual, social and physical safety is a given at their school.

‘If children feel safe, they can take risks, ask questions, make mistakes, learn to trust and share their feelings and grow.’

-Alfie Kohn

How best to talk to your children

The language we use and how we talk has a huge impact on how a child; firstly, responds and secondly, feels that they trust what you have to say. Your words, expressions and how you deliver messages to your child are significant for a child to learn how best to communicate for themselves. It is natural to just chat away, but this article invites you to learn and reflect on how your talk can influence a child’s perception about themselves. You are a big driver of building self confidence in your child. The quality of your conversation will directly impact the child’s response and how they interpret what you are saying to them.

Consider the following thoughts that may give you some guidance into how you can best communicate with your child:

• Always talk with optimism and a sense of hope built in. Children find this reassuring and they gravitate around such talk.

• Find good times for conversation. Meal times are great for family conversation and discussion about everyone's day. Take care not to ask too many probing questions. Don’t be on the rush or distracted when you are in for a good conversation with your child.

• Your child will really open up when in a relaxed uncomplicated setting. This could be taking a walk together, sometimes just listening in the car while driving works as well.

•  Try not to interrupt what they have to talk about, listen with interest and add an occasional, ‘Hmm that sounds great. Keep going.’

• Give them good eye contact and only ask questions that will keep their conversation going. Acknowledge that you enjoyed talking together and look forward to more talks.

• Don’t set unrealistic expectations when they start to talk, sometimes boys take longer to get going and usually need to be active while talking.

• Talk is more likely to happen when they feel comfortable. This could be in their bedroom or bath time etc. Timing is everything to get the best from conversation.

• Enjoying conversation is not a game of manipulation. Should your child think that it is all about gaining certain information, they will shut down.

• Watch your tone of voice and keep it consistent throughout the conversation. A change of tone can suggest to a child that you are showing some disapproval. This will definitely shut the conversation down. Listening is not about making judgements.

• Try not to take over the conversation. Once it is hijacked the child will go quiet.

• Respect the fact that your child may not want conversations in bigger groups. Find the best climate where your child will comfortably chat with you. In this area know your child.

• Always let the child complete what they have to say. If you tend to interrupt and take over the conversation, they no longer will own the content.

• All of us from time to time don't have much to say. Respect the fact that your child may be perfectly at peace in not talking much for a while.

• If your child starts a conversation and you find that they go quiet, allow time for them to finish. Sometimes putting thoughts together can be difficult. Some children, especially younger ones, need more time to process thoughts.

• Keep in mind that a child has the right to be heard. The more we give them their independence in talking for themselves, the happier they are and the more personally confident they grow.

• We know that strong oral language feeds into effective reading and writing.

Finally, sound communication should be a normal part of being a parent. Your child should feel confident that you enjoy a conversation and you are especially interested in hearing what they have to say. This is all about developing young individuals with opinions, confidence and believing that what they have to say has value.

‘The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.’                                       

                                                                                     -Peggy O’Mara

Dealing with a child’s fears

Fears can come at any time. They can be mild-mannered or driven by some former experience that left them fearful. Fears can also be linked to low self-esteem, where a child feels more prone to be vulnerable. Sometimes a child can outgrow them. Sometimes fears can linger longer if not effectively dealt with at the time.

It is natural for a child to have some fears. As a human race, fears were part of prehistoric man to help us work out survival tactics. With a child, we need early identification and working with the child in understanding its source and finding strategies to deal with it.

We understand that fears can come at any surprising and unexpected time and be triggered in different ways. The following thoughts are to help our child understand and deal with fear:

• When you see your child upset and showing signs of being frightened, respect that it is real for your child. Never underestimate the fear and underplay its importance. They need to feel sure that you believe them.

• Ask them to describe their fear, if possible in detail, hopefully they can tell you how they feel and when and how it manifests itself. Talk about a strategy to try to reduce the fear. Brainstorm some ideas together. For example, if it’s fear of the dark, talk together about options such as using a soft bedroom light etc. Working it through together is important and reassuring for the child. Here you show them they are not alone with their fear.

• After deciding together on a strategy, trial it and later come back to the child to see how it went. Be prepared to keep visiting the fear if still not under control. Every attempt is trial and error.

• Let them express all their feelings when talking about their fear. The more they are heard and the more they talk about it, some reduction of the fear can occur.

• Children feel safe with routine and familiar settings. Try to bring them into the solution when finding ways forward. Working through the fear is not a time to introduce new stimuli.

• Talk about some strategies you use to help with fear. Discuss taking deep breaths, talking to friends, listening to music etc. Can they suggest some strategies that will make them feel more secure?

• Applaud their own efforts in getting on top of the fear. The more they learn to develop their own techniques, the better and often quicker, a satisfactory outcome. There is nothing more healing than doing it yourself!

• There are some wonderful books on dealing with fears. Check with your library or school.

• The more you talk openly about how natural it is to sometimes have fears, the more it seems as part of life and less mystifying and isolating.

• Never forget the value of your teacher. They may have some suggestions and even follow-through activities to do at school to support the concern.

Finally, as your child grows, their emotional growth becomes stronger. They begin to reason and rationalise in ways that can help them work through fears or at least understand them better. Your support over the years in listening, being empathetic and respecting their fears will give them the courage and fortitude to be in control when fearful obstacles potentially come their way.

             ‘Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.’

                                                                   W. Clement Stone 

Learn to have some fun

There is not a lot written about the value of being happy but we know that there are some wonderful psychological advantages to just having fun. Here I make the distinction to humour. Within fun we can have a lot of humour. It is present when we become excited or find something that makes us feel good.

Teachers know that when an element of spontaneous fun is included in their day or week, the mood and temper of the children increases tenfold. Many teachers would also say that the presence of fun builds trust with children. A child feels secure when they see their teacher relax and display a happy spontaneous style in the classroom. There is something honest and healthy about simply having some fun.

Let’s think about the value of having fun with your child:

• When you have fun together, you show your child that there is a child in you, the adult. Bringing back the child in you is a positive life-giving thing.

• We are always trying to be in control. It is a massive driver for us as responsible parents. How about letting go sometimes and simply have some spontaneous unplanned fun with your child. It could last five minutes or much longer. It does not make you a less reliable, organised person, but it shows your child that having fun is alive in you.

• By having fun together you are bringing yourself to the same level as your child. This is quite a moment for both of you to share.

• Children will remember the fun times. Nobody wants to remember the serious times. They simply bring you down. However, being a fun-loving parent is memorable.

• To be an effective adult, one must also understand the lighter side of being human. We need to have fun as well and we need to show our children how we enjoy it. It is a well-being component built into our DNA.

• Fun can be any form of having a wonderful time together. Let it be spontaneous, which may take you away from routine and schedules sometimes. It can be a short sharp moment of fun. If you look around it is not hard to see the fun side of so much of life. Point it out to your child.

• We often talk about how important it is to play with your child. Similarly, it is important for developing good mental health that you simply have fun. It can only bring out the best in you and there are no boundaries there with your child. It can serve as a quick pick me up when moodiness is around and it can lighten the spirit when feelings of sadness are prevailing around our children.

Try to build in a bit of fun over the week. It could be as simple as tickling on the couch, throwing pillars around the room or blowing bubbles through your drink. No one said it has to be sensible.

        ‘Let go of preconceived notions and prejudices. Expect surprises. Expect miracles’

                                                             -Michael Joseph

Are you prepared to change your opinions?

Are you prepared to change your opinions? We all have our way of doing and thinking. We all develop opinions and have preferences and dare I say it, biases. It’s natural. It's all part of building your own way of being. How often do we meet people and have an instant belief of who and what they are? Do we along the track learn that we are always right?

Are we sometimes challenged about our opinions and when do we demonstrate an open approach to learning and changing perspectives?

These thoughts are inviting us to reflect on how opinionated we are around our children. No mistaking it, they know what we feel and what we think is acceptable etc. They know our biases and recognise our preconceptions. So what, I hear you say, isn’t that about giving them our values and what is good and wholesome about us?

Take care because we can be incidentally teaching them about certainty, mistrust and a sense of arrogance in being right.

The following thoughts help us to be a little more open in our ideas, where we can see the value of questioning and humility at learning something new. It teaches we are open to rethinking and reevaluating our much loved beliefs.

• Try to develop an inquiring attitude to life. Rather than making bold statements about what you believe to be right, introduce questioning. ‘I wonder what is making people angry to be in that protest. Let’s look at the concern they have.” Here you have room to discuss and also put your opinions in a safe place.

• Listen to the strange and wonderful things that your child comes home with from school. Don’t be shocked, but rather invite conversation about what is on their mind. You can learn much from what is said and what is not said!

• When you see something controversial on the media, feel free to talk about it and show interest in the various positions held by different people. Here you show your child that you are not a closed book when it comes to holding a position. You welcome conversation, you hold a position but you are prepared to listen to others.

• We all think we are wise about matters. After all, we have age and experience behind us. However, we are often not as wise as we think we are, but we can be very wise if we are prepared to occasionally reflect on new thoughts and change your understandings. This is a powerful lesson to children. If we are prepared to reflect and occasionally change our opinions, we teach them about open mindedness and flexibility. It shows compassion and lack of arrogance.

• Talk about people that you admire who have learnt and changed opinions. Talk about the courage it took to make such a fundamental change to their thinking and perhaps living experience.

• By all means tell your child that for a range of reasons you have certain opinions that you believe are true and that you hold dearly. A child will know what those are generally. However, show them that you a listener and always open to hear the other point of view. Nothing is permanent. Life is always on the move. Circumstances change and society shifts with laws and opinions. You want your child to see all the variants and to keep healthy questioning going.

• Our prejudices are a liability. A child will soon learn that our opinions can be locked in time and may have no real place in current society. That is definitely not the case if they see how you are always questioning and that you are prepared to take on new information. They will respect your opinions if they know they come out of thought provoking questioning and probing.

‘Am I right here?’

‘Could I be wrong?’

‘What new information do I need to know?’

‘Is there more information that I have not read?’

This questioning implies that you are open to learn new information to inform your opinions. Perhaps you don’t have all the answers, but ongoing questioning can either further inform your opinions or change them.

For a child there is nothing more liberating than an open minded parent. They need such a refreshing environment when growing through so much change in their life.

‘Try being informed rather than opinionated.’

-Anonymous

The use of good language around our children

One of the greatest tools we have in working and supporting our children is our language. It is such a powerful tool that can change relationships, build stronger relationships and can strengthen personal self-esteem. As a parent, you have the opportunity to encourage good language and to teach your child that using the very best language is a very empowering part of life.

As a child grows, their language will gradually increase and with your assistance, it can reach new heights. This means that as a parent when you speak to your child, you can gradually increase vocabulary that they will learn and enjoy using. Let them experiment with new words. It’s fun!- For example, try replacing words like ‘nice’ with more descriptive adjectives. This highlights your conversation more sharply and your child learns to use better words that describe a situation better.

In some classrooms, I have seen teachers leave a column on the board where they build on vocabulary across the week. It is amazing how it catches on and children start using more interesting language and this takes them up a notch in feeling self-assured. People notice when a child demonstrates good articulation.

Another great trick teachers use is to invite children to build a vocabulary bank and use those words in their writing. All strategies help.

Teachers would sometimes introduce a new word for the day and children had to find ways of using that word in their work and conversation.

Here are some ideas that can support your work in building a child’s vocabulary:

• Instead of playing ‘I spy’ in the car, try playing ‘I spy something that is……….’ and use interesting vocab to describe it.

• Some families set up a vocab bank on their fridge where words are added that are interesting throughout the week.

• When you are describing something to your child, think about the words you are using and occasionally throw in a new word.

‘I bought some croissants. They smell so delicious and fresh.’

• When reading to your child, talk about some of the words used to describe situations, people etc. Invite them to think of other descriptive words for the characters.

• When your child writes a story, challenge them to introduce one or two new words that make the story more interesting.

• Playing around with google can be interesting where you can show your child the various words that can replace just one word.

• A game such as scrabble can be fun as you are exposing your child to new words.

• Play word games. There are many available in game stores and these can also provide hours of entertainment.

• Remember that learning new creative words should be fun and spontaneous. The more the child relaxes and experiments with words the greater confidence they will gain in using them both in speech and in writing.

• Reading books is a natural way of increasing one’s vocabulary. Leave plenty of books around at home for the children to pick up.

Increasing one’s ability to express themselves well will naturally present an attractive manner to others and who knows where and with whom it takes you.

‘Words are in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.’

                                                 -J K Rowling’s character, Dumbledore

Getting back on track after a damage to the relationship with your child

We all go through cycles, from being strong and happy in our relationship, to needing some damage control. Given our human frailty, we often make mistakes. We can become tired and less able-bodied in giving the right response at the right time. Our children are also human and may react in ways that we find unusual or confusing. This can be driven by fatigue, anxiety, misunderstanding etc. Our human condition reminds us that being in a perfect relationship is not the case all the time.

What we need to develop are some skills that help us recover from the damage and move on quickly. The last thing we want is prolonged silences or continued poor behaviour which can escalate quickly.

 Consider:

• We cannot always be prepared but keep the value of silence up your sleeve. In other words, when an incident happens and your readiness to respond is not there, try walking away, delaying the conversation. Quick unprepared responses can create more damage. Silence does not add to the problem. Of course, prolonged silences do.

• If an incident has occurred have some suitable words ready.

‘I can see that you are not happy by your behaviours, we need to sit down and talk about it.’

Best to do this than to react to the poor behaviour

• When in discussion about the breakdown, be in a calm space. If you are agitated the child will pick up the vibes and be more resistant.

• Have the discussion at a time that suits you and in an environment without noise and interruption from other family members. It does not take much to unsettle such situations.

• For a very young child, it is more about a tantrum, speak softly and approach it using words that are gentle and do not sound too intimidating.

• If after the discussion there are some consequences, try to involve your child in making a decision about how those consequences should be. Make it a negotiation.

• Timing is everything. Teachers are very skilled in choosing their time to talk to children when damage has occurred, sometimes the wait makes for a better result.

• Remember that when a breakdown occurs, both yourself and your child feel poorly. Never underestimate that even though they appear angry, they are feeling the loss and trust of the relationship which they need.

• After there is reparation, keep the mood positive and make sure that you have moved on. Carrying residual anger or disappointment can only further damage the relationship and delay healing.

 Finally, keep in mind that no matter how sad or disappointed you feel about the breakdown, you are dealing with a child’s problem. Keep things into perspective so that life goes on, both you and your child are happy and peace in your relationship continues.

‘The wound is not my fault. But the healing is my responsibility.’

-Marianne Williamson

Learning about being responsible

As an adult, we understand why responsibility is such an important part of our makeup. Without it, as an adult, we cannot survive. We learn also over time that different responsibilities come our way and this challenges us in new and sometimes difficult ways. I always remember bringing our first child home from the hospital and thinking, how can I look after this little individual? I don’t have the skills. Fortunately, she survived and I learnt quickly. This is how developing new and challenging responsibilities comes our way.

For a child, it is all about learning that responsibilities are actually important and that this may mean some sacrifice, compromise, etc. It is about learning that responsibilities must be understood and followed through with and there is often regularity to responsibilities. All of these learned traits take a while for children to grasp. I am sure you have had some issues with getting your child to take on and keep up with responsibilities. It just takes time and perseverance.

Teachers will automatically assign responsibilities to their class so that the classroom functions well. They can be rotating duties or they can have a responsibility for the whole year. These responsibilities work well because the child learns that they are accountable to others for their actions.

Here are some thoughts on helping your child learn responsibility.

• Firstly, take care that if you give your child a job, they follow it through. Don’t finish the job for them as this teaches them that responsibilities are not genuine. Show them that it is a satisfying thing to finish a job yourself.

• A child having a pet is a great responsibility and one that cannot be part-time. If you take this on, make sure your child is mature enough to take on this responsibility.

• Talk about all your responsibilities and how you work through them during the week. Maybe there are some that are short term and others, long term, (like being a parent).

• Before your child takes on a responsibility make sure they understand its length and breadth. Often younger children do not have a sense of time and become overwhelmed or disengage earlier. The responsibility should be age appropriate and should have the satisfaction of completion.

• Take care when a child shows an interest in a sport such as tennis lessons, gymnastics etc. can they see the term through, finishing halfway is not honouring the responsibility to the program.

• Always affirm your child when they complete their responsibilities. They need to know that it is a job well done and has impact on others in the family.

• As a family, plan weekly chores and at the end of the week thank your child for their completion. Jobs such as setting the table, putting bins out, putting toys away etc. are all responsibilities that need attention.

• Teaching your child that they own the responsibility is important. They need to know that others rely on their actions and without the job done others are affected. This is why it is important that they complete the task even if it means some inconvenience on your part.

• If a child is irresponsible, try not to be simply angry and disappointed. Sit them down and listen to why they could not complete the task. Give them the opportunity to explain. Perhaps it was too much, perhaps they did not realise its importance etc.

Finally, build into your teaching about the responsibility that if they fail the child learns to blame no one else but comes to accept responsibility themselves. This is quite a mature concept but one to work towards. This is all about building strong foundations in emotional intelligence.

“It is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves. That will make them successful individuals.’

-Ann Landers

Children can start thinking about bringing Christmas cheer to others

So many things to do and so many things to think about, plan for and to do before Christmas. With the children getting ready to leave school for the year, how about turning their heads to positive thoughts about sending good wishes to others? This is the season where gratitude and empathy are strong emotions that come out in our thoughts about people. It is a wonderful opportunity to build relationships, reconnect with others, build bridges and reconcile old wounds. It is a time to teach our children how to be the best at Christmas time and to see the best in others.

Consider:

• Invite your child to think about who they want to thank for all their help over the year. Invite them to make a list and reflect on how others have been instrumental in supporting them. Talk about how they could thank them. Some may be verbally thanked, others may receive a card etc.

• This is a great time for craft activities. Give the children polystyrene balls to let them create their own Christmas ball for the tree. This ball should be relevant to 2022 and tell a story about how the year has been for them. Making decorations for the tree has endless possibilities.

• Invite your child to keep a journal, this can be like a pre-Christmas calendar, only each day talks about something that has happened leading us happily to Christmas. It could be simply writing in:‘Today, December 1st I hugged my best friend.’ Each day has a happy statement about making Christmas a positive experience. It can be simple, but have a punch.

• Talk to your child about how you will thank their teacher and discuss what you want to say. Point out that it is about how their teacher has helped them throughout the year.

• Gift giving can be great, but it can get out of hand. Can some of these gifts be simple objects like scented candles that come with a message? Children need to learn that the size of the gift is not as important as the words on the card. Perhaps the card can be made by the child. Sometimes just a simple visit and a thank you is all you need to do.

• How about talking to your child about visiting family or friends not seen for a while? Invite them to think about who that would be. This is about inviting them to reflect on the less noticed and bringing them into the fold. Stepping outside our comfort zones is all about the Christmas spirit lived.

• There are many charities around at this time of the year. Could it be a time for your child to clear out their old toys and unused games? They could take them to one of the Christmas donation centres as part of their annual Christmas clear out.

• There are Christmas trees around town, set up to donate a gift to a child disadvantaged. Is it possible that your child buys a small gift using their pocket money? Let them reflect on giving to others less fortunate. This is called compassion.

• Class teachers in the last few weeks talk about the spirit of giving and sometimes school or the classroom takes a focus at Christmas. Is this something you can be part of as well as the family preparations for Christmas? Take part in school concerts class, Christmas lunches etc. Bring the season to life in many ways.

• Families will have many traditions over this time and it is important that those rituals are kept. Whatever your ritual consider the possibility of being a little more inclusive. This shows your child that you are inclusive and want the spirit of Christmas to be an open, not a closed environment.

• Remember, Christmas is a warm and happy time. When planning all the busy activities, try to let your child see the joy in the preparation and not the burden. It can be tiring but part of the joy is the anticipation and the waiting. After all, Father Christmas is coming! 

There is so much to think about at Christmas time and it is easy to simply follow the usual patterns. Make this Christmas a little different by introducing some new element that lifts the spirit and highlights the uniqueness and opportunities in each new Christmas. Do this with your child so that they see that being creative, enriches each year with a new spirit of the season and a new direction.

                  ‘Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling.’

                                                                               -Edna Ferber