A happy child makes us all feel the joy of youth.

Here are five needs that a child once fulfilled will be content

1. Love and Support
   A happy child needs love, care, and unwavering support from family and caregivers.

2. Opportunities for Play and Exploration
   Children thrive when they have ample opportunities for play and exploration in a safe and stimulating environment.

3. Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement
   Encouraging words, praise, and positive reinforcement contribute to a child's happiness and confidence.

4. Healthy Relationships and Connection
   Building healthy relationships and fostering strong connections with family and friends are crucial for a child's happiness.

5. Sense of Security and Stability
   A stable and secure environment provides the foundation for a child's happiness and well-being.

‘Never underestimate that your attention, respect, confidence and security given to your child are building a very happy person.’

Gail J Smith

Six important parenting practices with an upbeat approach

Parenting sometimes needs an upbeat approach to getting children involved. This way it takes some of the burden away and lightens the whole idea that parenting is all about control and discipline.

1. Give Lots of High-Fives for Good Stuff

   When your child does something good, give them a high-five or a thumbs up! Make it a positive moment for both of you.
   For example: "Awesome job on your drawing! High-five for all your hard work!"

2. Make Clear Rules Like a Superhero Guide

   Be a superhero with clear rules. Imagine you're creating a superhero guide for your family.
   For example: "Our superhero guide says we have a bedtime routine to help us sleep like superheroes. What do you think?" Keep it light and amusing.

3. Talk and Listen Like Best Friends Do

   Talk and listen like you're each other's best friends.
   For example: "Tell me about your day! I'm here to listen, just like best friends do."

4. Show How It's Done, Super Parent Style

   Show your child how to be super by being a super parent!
   For example: "I'll show you how to clean up, and we'll be superheroes together! Ready?"

5. Let Them Be the Captain, with You as Co-Captain

   Your child is the captain, and you're the co-captain. Help them steer!
   For example: "You're in charge of choosing today's snack. Captain's choice!"

6. Create Fun Times, Like a Weekly Family Fiesta

   Have a weekly family fiesta with games, stories, or just hanging out.
   For example: "It's our special family time! What fun thing should we do this week for our family fiesta?"

   These ideas are all about creating a happy environment where the whole business of parenting is treated in a warm and engaging way with your child. Good parenting is about preventing problem behaviour and engaging with your child in a warm and authentic way. The more you listen effectively and give time, energy and love to your child, the more you will create the best climate to rear your child.

 ‘All children love a little theatre. Build it into your parenting’.

-Gail J Smith

Helping your child develop strong emotional intelligence

We all talk about the avenues to build intellectual intelligence. We also need to recognise that the growth of emotional intelligence is critical for a person to cope well in society and to feel inclusive. Strong emotional intelligence helps us regulate our emotions and view the world in a broader way. Our well-being is best enhanced by developing high levels of emotional intelligence.

There are various simple ways we can help build emotional intelligence in our children. Here are some suggestions:

1. Talk About Feelings:

   Ask your child how they're feeling and why. Encourage them to express their emotions, like happiness, sadness, or anger. Use those words in conversations about how they are feeling. Talking about feelings is seen as a positive sign of building and understanding well-being. Let them see that you have feelings and can manage those feelings. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

2. Listen Actively:

   When your child talks about their feelings, listen carefully without interrupting. Show that you understand and care about what they're saying. Place no judgement on their feelings or emotional state. They will regulate themselves better if you are calm and steady.

3. Teach Problem-Solving:

   Help your child find solutions when they face problems or conflicts. Ask questions like, "What can we do to make this better?" Be prepared to use negotiation with your child.

4. Manage Your Own Emotions:

   Show your child how you handle your own feelings. If you're upset, explain why and how you're trying to feel better. Be authentic when you talk about your feelings and talk about the strategies you will employ to help you through the problem.

5. Empathy and Understanding:

   Teach your child to think about how others might feel. When they see someone sad, ask, "How do you think they're feeling?" Demonstrate empathy in your own life and apply it to the family. If a child sees you empathetic they learn it quickly. Your modelling is so important here.

6. Use Books and Stories:

   Read books or tell stories that explore emotions and situations. Discuss the characters' feelings and ask your child how they would react. Watch movies together that highlight empathy and sympathy. Talk about them as a family

In simple terms, parents can help their children develop emotional intelligence by talking about feelings, listening, problem-solving, setting a good example with their own emotions, teaching empathy, and using stories to explore emotions together. Each day there will be occasions where you can highlight in little ways the importance of being emotionally switched on to life matters.

Be a parent who embraces healthy emotions and recognises the occasions where you can be helpful in strengthening emotional intelligence.

‘One can be the master of what one does, but never of what one feels.”

                                                                            -Gustav Flaubert

Your child needs your patience as they progress through school

Patience is a vital virtue for parents with children in school because:

Learning Takes Time: Learning is a gradual process, and children need time to absorb new information and develop their skills. Being patient allows them the necessary space to learn at their own pace. Nothing happens overnight and consider that your child will developmentally keep evolving and growing in their own time.

Individual Progress Varies: Every child has a unique learning style and pace. Patience is essential to recognise and respect these individual differences without imposing unrealistic expectations. Allow your child their right to pace their learning, this gives them time to process and to observe and learn what is happening around them. There are no rewards for speed. Remember the story of the turtle and the hare.

Mistakes Are Part of Learning: Children often make mistakes as they learn. This is a natural part of learning. Patience enables parents to offer support and guidance rather than react negatively to errors, fostering a more positive learning environment. Being patient allows your child their right to grow at their own pace.

Building Resilience: Patience helps children build resilience and develop a growth mindset. When they face challenges, patient parents can encourage perseverance and a willingness to learn from setbacks. Resilient people are not quick to be anxious and develop a maturity around them that allows time and space to heal and recover.

Effective Communication: Patient parents are better at listening and understanding their children's concerns and questions about school. This open communication fosters a stronger parent-child relationship and a more supportive educational experience. If you listen well you need to take time and be prepared that there is no timeline for listening effectively.

Modelling Behaviour: Parents who demonstrate patience serve as very effective role models for their children. When children see their parents remaining patient in the face of difficulties, they are more likely to adopt this valuable trait themselves, which can benefit their academic and personal lives. A child will comfortably approach a parent who will be calm, present and patient. That is such an inviting way to present your case when nervous.

Finally, patience can and should be acquired by everyone. It sets the scene for healthy relationships with your child. No one can resist a patient person. There is no need to feel that your child should be at a level of development that is expected of them. Who sets those expectations? Children are individuals and over time and with supportive environments, they will learn best at their own pace. Better quality learning spread over time than demanding and setting targets.

‘Let your child breathe gently and comfortably through their learning journey.’ 

-Gail J Smith

Managing our anger around our children

We all find ourselves angry from time to time. When we are around children. it is so important to manage and control our anger, especially when dealing with concerning issues. Anger is a powerful force. Dysfunction arises when you use your anger to hurt yourself and others. A child will read into our anger not the least of which is disapproval. Extreme anger can be frightening and is a violation of your child’s right to feel safe. Therefore, understanding that anger must be well managed around children is important for all parents to grasp.

Here are some positive reasons why managing anger well benefits relationships with your child:

Emotional Role Modelling: Children learn how to manage their own emotions by observing their parents. When parents manage their anger in a healthy and controlled manner, children are more likely to adopt similar strategies when faced with challenging situations. This is all about emotional intelligence. The more we understand that anger can be destructive and useless in resolving matters, the more we are using our emotional intelligence.

Healthy Communication: Managing anger fosters open and effective communication within the family. When parents express their feelings calmly and respectfully, it creates an environment where children feel safe to express themselves. This encourages healthy discussions, problem-solving, and understanding. When a child feels safe, that anger will not be a feature of discussions and telecommunications are more inclined to be honest and engaging with parents.

Positive Conflict Resolution: Every family faces disagreements, but how parents handle conflicts directly impacts children's perception of conflict resolution. By addressing issues calmly and constructively, parents teach children that conflicts can be resolved without resorting to aggression or hostility. This is where we listen with sincerity, negotiate fairly and affirm your child for engaging in this process. It works for everyone in the family.

Emotional Safety and Trust: Children thrive in an environment where they feel emotionally safe and secure. When parents manage their anger, they create a stable and nurturing atmosphere where children know they won't face unnecessary outbursts or unpredictable reactions. This fosters trust and allows children to approach their parents with their concerns and fears. Living in a household of no fear guarantees a happy and inviting space in which to grow and prosper.

Promoting Self-Esteem: Children are sensitive to their parents' emotions and can internalise negative reactions as personal failures. Self-confidence will easily deteriorate if they feel that their parents are negatively responding to them. By managing anger, parents prevent unnecessary blame and criticism that could harm a child's self-esteem. Instead, a controlled response helps children understand that mistakes are a natural part of learning and that they're still loved and valued despite any missteps. Harmful words live long with a child.

Increased listening: When there is gentle conversation and no stress connected to the conversations, a child will listen with more attention and interest. If anger is present children will shut down and their ability to listen effectively is reduced immensely.

Improved use of quality language: When we speak without anger and we are still dealing with issues the use of our language is important and is much more sophisticated than the use of angry words.

When you feel the urge to be angry around your child, take a deep breath and allow some time before speaking out. This drives down some angry intent and will lead to better outcomes when working through issues. It gives you more time to think about the problem and perhaps put things into a better perspective.

“Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds Nothing, but it can destroy everything.”

                                    -Lawrence Douglas Wilder.

The Life giving Power of Politeness: Why Teaching Good Manners Boosts Your Child's Education!

In all my years as Principal and in my experience as a teacher, polite children always won the day! Such children are often popular because they speak well of others and provide no threat. They attract attention because their politeness is attractive and creates an illusion that they are in control of people who use intelligence as their main vehicle of communication. It is quite amazing how a polite child is so valued and attractive to others.

Here are five ideas to demonstrate how teaching good manners is effective and beneficial to the child, especially when taught by the parents.

1. Social Skills for Success: Good manners lay the foundation for positive social interactions, enabling children to build strong relationships with peers and adults alike. Polite children tend to be more confident in social settings, making them more approachable, likeable, and adept at resolving conflicts. These essential social skills pave the way for better academic collaboration and extracurricular involvement, fostering a well-rounded education. Never underestimate how politeness can make a child a lot happier socially.

2. Improved Communication Skills: Teaching children good manners involves emphasising active listening, respectful communication, and empathy. These skills not only improve their ability to express themselves effectively but also foster a deeper understanding of others' perspectives. As a result, children become more articulate and empathetic communicators, which bolsters their academic performance, participation in class discussions, and presentation abilities. A child with strong communication skills is a much more confident child

3. Positive Classroom Environment: When children practice good manners, they contribute to creating a positive and respectful classroom environment. Polite behaviour encourages cooperation, teamwork, and a sense of community, promoting a conducive atmosphere for learning and academic growth. Teachers can focus more on teaching, and students can concentrate better on their studies when the classroom is characterised by courtesy and mutual respect. By being polite, the quality of the learning environment improves. Children listen and hear better when the atmosphere is respectful.

4. Developing Emotional Intelligence: Good manners are closely linked to emotional intelligence—the ability to recognise and manage emotions, both in oneself and others. Children who are taught good manners are more likely to be emotionally aware and capable of handling stress and frustrations constructively. They read the signs very well. Emotional intelligence positively impacts their academic performance by improving their self-regulation, problem-solving skills, and resilience in the face of challenges. There is considerable self discipline demonstrated through politeness and this feeds into improved emotional intelligence. There is more interest in being grateful than feeling entitled.

5. Preparation for Future Success: Beyond the classroom, good manners are essential in preparing children for future success in their personal and professional lives. Employers often seek candidates with strong interpersonal skills and a respectful demeanour, making good manners a valuable asset in the job market. Additionally, individuals who practice good manners are more likely to cultivate supportive networks, mentorship, and opportunities throughout their lives. It’s as though in this ever-changing world, instilling good manners in your child's upbringing is a life giving investment that not only improves their education but also nurtures their overall growth and success. We could easily say that politeness is a measure of success in a world that can easily spin out of control.

As the parent, demonstrate through your own life how politeness has served you well. If a child comes from a family where politeness is valued, it then stands to reason that they will comfortably and confidently adopt that model.

‘Better good manners than good looks.’

                                                                                               -Proverbs

Simple suggestions to help build empathy and kindness in your child

The difference you can make in how you teach and model empathy and kindness is amazing. See it as a way of life that is common practice in your family.

• Be a good example: Show kindness and caring by helping others, like sharing toys with a sibling or comforting a friend who is sad.

• Understand how others feel: Imagine how someone else might feel in a situation. For example, think about how a friend might feel if they didn't get invited to a party. Are you inclusive when you send out invitations? Share your feelings: Talk about your own emotions and encourage your child to express their feelings too. Let them know it's okay to feel happy, sad, or angry.

• Listen and pay attention: When your child talks, give them your full attention. Show that you care about what they say by looking at them and responding kindly.

• Do kind things for others: Encourage your child to do nice things, like saying "thank you" to their teacher or helping a classmate with a task.

• Learn about different cultures: Read books or watch shows that teach about different ways of life. Talk about the traditions and customs of other cultures.

• Solve problems without fighting: Help your child find solutions when they have a disagreement. Encourage them to listen to others, find common ground, and work things out peacefully. Teach them the powers of negotiation.

• Talk about real-life examples: Have conversations about news stories or events that involve kindness and helping others. Discuss how they can make a positive difference too.

• Stay positive: Encourage your child to see the good in people and situations. Talk about happy news or share stories of people being kind to each other.

• Say "thank you" and be grateful: Teach your child to appreciate what they have and show gratitude. Encourage them to say "thank you" and be thankful for acts of kindness.

• Help others in need: Encourage your child to lend a helping hand to those who need it. They can assist an elderly neighbour with carrying groceries, offer to walk a friend's dog when they're busy, or help a classmate with their schoolwork. Teach them how to notice where there is a need.

• Apologise and forgive: Teach your child the importance of apologising when they have hurt someone's feelings. For example, if they accidentally break a friend's toy, guide them to say sorry and find a way to make amends. Also, encourage them to forgive others when they receive apologies, promoting empathy and understanding. Talk about what reconciliation is all about.

• Stand up against bullying: Teach your child to be kind and compassionate by speaking up against bullying. Encourage them to support classmates who are being treated unkindly, be a friend to someone who is feeling left out, or report bullying incidents to a trusted adult.

These ideas give some suggestions as to how to build empathy and compassion in your child. Be spontaneous and look for occasions where you can build their awareness and sensitivity to others and the world around them.

‘A smile can brighten someone’s day and enlighten their spirits.

                                                                                 - Gail J Smith

Time to remind yourself that being a parent is a wonderful experience

Unconditional Love: Being a parent allows you to experience a deep and unconditional love for your child. Something unique and special develops between you and the child. It is precious. It is irreplaceable. You own it.

Example: Seeing your child's smiling face when they wake up in the morning or hearing their laughter when you play together fills your heart with pure joy.

Milestone Moments: As a parent, you get to witness and celebrate numerous milestone moments in your child's life. You are part of it and you can take pride in all your contributions over the years. Each achievement becomes a source of immense pride and happiness.

Example: Capturing the moment when your child takes their first step or saying their first words creates memories that you'll cherish forever.

Sense of Purpose: Parenting gives you a strong sense of purpose and meaning. Nurturing and guiding a child through life's challenges allows you to make a positive impact and shape their future.

Example: Knowing that you are raising a compassionate, kind, and responsible individual who will contribute positively to society, fills you with a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

Having a child in your life reignites the wonders of life through a child’s eyes. It awakens in us the child we were and it invites us to share in simple joys and pleasures. It clears the cobwebs that can develop as we plough through our adult life.

Example: Watching your child marvel at a rainbow or discover the beauty of a butterfly can remind you of the wonders that often go unnoticed in the hustle and bustle of adult life. They awaken in you the child and that is liberating.

Learning and Growing Together: Parenthood offers continuous opportunities for personal growth and learning. As you navigate the challenges and joys of raising a child, you gain valuable insights, patience, and resilience. Having another individual in your life that relies on you, needs care and understanding will demand from you your absolute attention. There is no escaping building tolerance, understanding, empathy etc.

Example: Overcoming sleepless nights, mastering the art of multitasking, and learning to be patient during tantrums are all experiences that help you grow and become a better version of yourself.

Emotional Satisfaction: Parenting brings immense emotional fulfilment. The love, laughter, and moments of connection you share with your child create a deep sense of happiness and contentment. How emotionally satisfying it is to see yourself in your child.

Example: Embracing your child in a warm hug after a long day or hearing them say, "I love you, Mom/Dad," can instantly fill your heart with overwhelming joy and gratitude. Enjoy those special little moments. They come spontaneously and frequently.

Creating Life Memories: Being a parent allows you to create lasting memories that you and your child will cherish throughout your lives. From family vacations to everyday adventures, these moments become the foundation of a lifetime of shared experiences.

Example: Going on a family road trip and exploring new places together, or even simple activities like baking cakes and having picnics in the park, become treasured memories that you can reminisce about in the future.

Building Strong Bonds: Parenthood enables you to build deep and lasting bonds with your child. The connection you form with them becomes an unbreakable bond that provides a source of strength, love, and support. You take them from dependence to independence and you build foundations that are unique to you and your child.

Example: Sharing quality time with your child, engaging in conversations, and being there for them during both good and challenging times strengthen your relationship and create a lifelong connection.

The journey you share with your child is likened to weaving a tapestry. There will be various shades that brighten and darken the work. Sometimes the weave will be thick and full of texture, and other times lighter and softly woven. It builds into a magical imagery of your life shared with your child that has been created lovingly over the years.

‘We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.’                                           

                                                                         -Henry Ward Beecher                                             

Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children: Emphasising Emotional Care

As a parent, your emotional world has a profound impact on your child's emotional intelligence. By providing emotional care and support, you can help your child develop stable, consistent, patient, and reliable emotional skills, enabling them to navigate the world with greater understanding and empathy.

Here are some practical suggestions to help nurture your child's emotional intelligence:

1. Teach Emotional Literacy: Use age-appropriate language and concepts to help your child identify and understand their emotions. Engage in activities such as using emotion charts, role-playing scenarios, or storytelling to encourage your child to express and recognize their feelings effectively.

2. Cultivate Mindfulness: Introduce mindfulness practices to your child, such as deep breathing exercises or guided meditation. Encourage them to appreciate the present moment and help them incorporate mindfulness into their daily routine. For example, you can have a mindful minute together before starting a new task or enjoy a brief morning run, appreciating nature and its surroundings.

3. Foster Social-Emotional Learning: Encourage your child to learn valuable lessons from their everyday social experiences. Teach them to consider different perspectives, be open to others' opinions, and practice inclusivity in their thoughts and actions. Engage in meaningful discussions about their interactions, to help them develop empathy and understanding towards others.

4. Promote Empathy-Building Activities: Share ideas for activities that promote empathy, such as engaging in perspective-taking exercises, participating in community volunteering, or collaborating on group projects. Discuss how these activities can help your child understand different viewpoints and develop compassion for others. Consider joining a group or organisation together to reinforce the value of empathy and caring for others.

5. Teach Conflict Resolution Skills: Guide your child in resolving conflicts peacefully and constructively. Encourage active listening, compromise, and problem-solving discussions when conflicts arise, such as those between siblings. Use these moments as opportunities to practice simple conflict resolution techniques, helping your child develop valuable skills in managing disagreements.

6. Be a Positive Role Model: Serve as an influential adult who models emotional intelligence for your child. Demonstrate empathy, self-control, and effective communication in your interactions with others. Be mindful of your own emotional responses and provide a supportive, nurturing environment that encourages your child's emotional growth.

Remember, nurturing emotional intelligence is a gradual process that requires emotional care, patience, and wisdom from caring parents. By exposing your child to emotionally mature adults and providing a safe and loving environment, you empower them to interpret the world with greater empathy, understanding, and resilience. Hence they become more emotionally mature.

‘Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.’

                                                                                               - Jess Lair

Nine Proactive Strategies for Fostering Mental Health in Children

Promoting mental health in children is of utmost importance, particularly in our current world.

Here are several insightful strategies that can be employed to nurture and sustain mental well-being in our young ones:

1. Demonstrate Positive Emotions: Being a consistent source of happiness and positivity around your child is critical. Let your joy radiate visibly, providing them with a secure feeling that everything is alright. Your smile can serve as a comforting reassurance.

2. Encourage Physical Activity: Exercise is known to boost mood and overall well-being. Engage in regular physical activities with your child and make it a family routine. This not only benefits their physical health but also their mental state.

3. Cultivate a Love for Music: Music has a profound impact on our emotions and can uplift the spirit. Incorporate a variety of music into your family life, utilising it as a background score to your everyday activities. This creates an ambience of positivity and serves as an effective stress reliever.

4. Foster Positive Associations: Direct your child's attention to the good things happening around them. Discuss amusing anecdotes, talk about jovial and optimistic individuals you know, and celebrate the positive aspects of life.

5. Promote Generosity: Demonstrate to your child the power of giving. Instilling a sense of generosity can enhance their mental well-being and give them a broader perspective on life. You can exemplify this through simple actions like donating toys they've outgrown.

6. Encourage Proper Rest: Adequate sleep is crucial for a child's mental and physical health. It helps their brain process the day's activities and sets them up for optimal performance the next day.

7. Teach Healthy Recreation: Equip them with various recreational activities like sports, reading, or simply relaxing. These pursuits can help them carve out mental space for themselves when needed. Your role modelling in this area is vital.

8. Cultivate a Sense of Humour: Encourage them to appreciate the lighter side of life. Too often we focus on the negatives or the potential risks, but teaching them to find humour can provide them with a more balanced view of life.

9. Nurture Social Relationships: Facilitate the presence of your child's friends in their lives. Friendships play a significant role in their social development, and your active involvement in fostering these relationships can be highly beneficial.
   
   Above all, it's crucial to create an environment where positivity thrives, life is cherished, and the world is perceived as a beautiful place to live. By being such a parent, you can positively shape your child's outlook and foster their mental health.

‘Life is always better with a smile on your face’

                    - Gail J Smith

Talking positively to your child makes all the difference.

Engaging positively with your child can have a transformative effect. The manner in which you converse with your child significantly influences their communication style and their receptiveness to you.

Bear in mind the following:

• Show genuine interest and engagement when they speak. Treat these moments as invaluable opportunities for them to convey their thoughts to you.

• Employ a gentle and soothing tone of voice. Harsh tones not only discourage attentive listening, but also inadvertently convey negativity. Strive to soften your voice, even when discipline becomes challenging.

• Your child is more inclined to listen attentively and emulate good speech habits if they consistently hear a pleasant and comfortable tone from you. They will reciprocate the same respectful way of speaking if it's consistently modelled for them.

• Consider the power of respectful speech. Using a gentle tone makes the conversation more engaging for everyone involved, fostering an atmosphere of respect.

• Pay attention to your choice of words. Could your language be improved to express ideas more effectively? Implementing a rich vocabulary can be an excellent tool for enhancing communication.

Why speaking well to children is important.

1. Boosts Self-Esteem: Children often view themselves through the lens of their parents' comments and reactions. Speaking positively and constructively helps build their self-esteem and self-confidence, shaping a more positive self-image.

2. Improves Cognitive Development: Language-rich interactions can enhance children's cognitive development. Varied and complex vocabulary can stimulate their brain, encouraging them to learn and understand new words and concepts.

3. Promotes Healthy Relationships: Effective and respectful communication sets the groundwork for building strong, healthy relationships. By speaking well to your child, you're teaching them the importance of clear, kind, and respectful communication, a skill that will benefit them in all their future relationships.

Helping the shy, less confident child

For some of our children, finding the confidence to speak up is a hard process. In fact, it can become quite a habit to sit back, observe others and have no expectations of putting yourself forward in a group situation. The confident, more dominant personality, will take centre stage and the quieter child will become the audience. There are some strategies you can use to help build a child’s stamina in this area.

 Consider:

• If you are a louder, more prominent personality, try to tone it down around your child. They will step back and not engage as effectively if they feel that you are taking over.

• If there are other more confident siblings around, make sure that your quiet child gets their voice heard. Perhaps at dinner time, everyone takes turns to talk about their day.

• Reassure with plenty of ‘I’ statements. ‘I like it when you tell me what happened.’ ‘I am so happy to hear that story.’ ‘Well done. That is a great idea. Tell me more.’

• Choose your words carefully and avoid harsh criticism. This is such a setback for a less confident child. They remember all the negative words.

• Giving them more independence builds their self-confidence. Start doing things for them but pull back and let them finish the tasks.

• Exercise listening more to what they have to say. This will affirm their worth. Give excellent eye contact and undisturbed attention when they talk. Choose a special time on your own to have those chats.

• Talking in front of groups can be difficult. Invite them to practise in front of the family, talk about their hobbies etc.

• Joining extracurricular activities means they will need to engage with others. Being a team member means committing to collaboration and engagement with others. Learning an instrument means presenting in front of people. It all helps.

• Encourage friendships. Having a friend requires effort and commitment.

• Remember when you praise be specific. ‘I was so impressed with how you spoke to your friend who was upset. You were so sympathetic.’

• Use open-ended questions. This gives them scope to answer expressively. ‘Tell me about the project?’ ‘What have you learnt at basketball training today?” We don’t want ‘yes, no’ answers.

• Surprisingly shy children act out in plays very well. In fact, they enjoy taking on another character. Encourage joining a drama group or simply dress up and reenact fairy tales at home. Home can become a great uninhibited theatre for the whole family. Perhaps your child can act out what happened at school that day.

• Reading stories out loud to the whole family is helpful. How about a family novel where each child reads a small section after dinner?

• When you hear of some lack of confidence they display with regard to something at school, encourage them to set little goals to work on the issue. Then praise them for their efforts.

• Set realistic expectations at home. They want to please you and if they succeed they feel so much more secure in themselves.

• Play often with your child. This helps with building positive self-talk. They feel confident and happy to plough through the play and learn more about themselves.

Little by little your shy, less confident child can become quite a strong, capable personality over time. Slow, steady encouragement while at the same time respecting their emotional and social stage of development is the best way forward.

‘Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

                                                                            -Theodore Roosevelt

Help your child improve their mental capacity

We can do many things to help our child improve their mental capacity. Some of them are very simple and are already in place. However, each day in different ways, we can keep building that capacity by challenging them across different formats.

• All children need adequate sleep. The rest they get will influence how they operate the next day. Teachers will tell you the difference it makes when a child comes to school having not slept well. Their learning capacity is considerably down and their mood and temperament makes them have quite a sluggish and dull day.

• Teach your child different ways to self-regulate. This is all about being self-disciplined and emotionally capable of controlling themselves. In the home, there are many ways in which your child can be disciplined and together work on their ability to manage themselves, show independence and take ownership of jobs and duties around the house. Your patience and tolerance are needed here.

• Play games with your child. Read with them and challenge each other through board games. All this is about building mental capacity and teaching them to work on problem-solving and healthy competition. Let them see that you enjoy problem-solving with them.

• Conversations at home should be open and as positive as possible. Give your child plenty of room to talk and tell their story. Be an effective listener so they feel that they are taken seriously. Having family discussions and debates stimulates their thinking and encourages healthy dialogue. Allow them to be confident in what they have to say.

• Challenge them through problem-solving of all sorts. This could be driving in the car and searching for addresses. It could be working through a recipe, fixing broken toys, building Lego shapes etc. When you see an opportunity for them to problem solve, invite them to have a go. Look to them for assistance in solving the problem. Let them know that you work through the solution together.

• When they ask questions throw the concept back with another question:‘You want to know why that lid doesn't open? Have you seen other jars like that before?’ It’s all about posing inquiring questions that make them think through solutions themselves. Let them accept that you will not always give them the answer.

• Laugh a lot and enjoy the jokes that you share with each other. Developing a sense of humour also enlightens the mental capacity to see the world from a different perspective. The world is not always black and white.

• Do crosswords together. Perhaps a jigsaw or have an ongoing game of Scrabble on the table. Keep them working on thinking through the process.

• When school problems arise, especially with friends, talk through possible solutions that can be managed by your child. Let them see that you expect them to have an idea of how best to solve it. Emotional challenges are sometimes difficult for children but mentally, they need to work through the process as best they can. The more they can regulate their emotional responses, the stronger their mental capacity.

• Teaching gratitude in your child is also a strengthening mental process. People that show and demonstrate gratitude have a stronger mental approach to life. 

Finally, there are many and varied ways to strengthen a child’s mental capacity. Just be the catalyst that presents challenges and doesn't always offer the solution. Value what contributions they make. After a while, the child takes more ownership of themselves and feels mentally safer and confident.

‘Be the catalyst to a healthy mental approach for your child.’

                                             -Gail J Smith

Keep our children active and physical

We are often focused on developing our intelligence which involves social, emotional and cognitive skills. What we need to keep in mind is that physical activity connects very much to our developing mindset and that children need to keep working on their physical development throughout their lives. In some cases, this is not difficult, as many children demand to be active and commit to different sports etc. very early in their life. There are of course some children who are reticent to be active and participate in team sports which are so beneficial for them on a range of levels.

There is considerable evidence that mental well-being is improved through physical activity. The synchronicity of mind and body is critical to good mental health. Who doesn’t really feel good when they are not physically active and moving well? Learning involves the brain, the body and the soul. At any age, physical activity helps us grow and feel so much better in ourselves. We learn better, we think better and we act better when we are more active.

This article is to remind us of the importance of keeping our children active and invigorating their days with movement of some sort.

Consider:

• When a child joins a sporting team, they gain immense skills in socially engaging with others, learning to be a team member and working in a collaborative manner under pressure.

• Keep your child regularly active. Consider joining them daily with a bike ride or just a walk around the park. The habit is a powerful reminder of what will make a difference to them in the long run.

• Use your backyard. Put up a basketball ring, a bounce set etc. Let them use all their domestic spaces to exercise and feel free.

• Talk about physical fitness frequently. Chat about heroes that work to keep fit.

• Set up routines with physical fitness for the family. It might be weekly bike rides or walks in parks. Develop a pattern where your children think that routine fitness is a family affair and one that is important to you.

• We often find after exercise that we are mentally more alert and keen to take on the challenges of the day. Choose the best time of the day for family exercise. Timing is everything in this matter.

• School has excellent opportunities for children to join various sporting teams. Encourage this and support them by attending sessions where possible. Children learn a lot more social skills when playing sports with peers. They also learn about empathy and cooperation as a team member.

• If your child does not show interest in sports, at least take them walking, hiking, cycling etc. to keep them interested in being physical. Competitive sport is not for everyone. Lead by example and take them along for different physical experiences.

• Children talk up their sports and enjoy engaging with each other through games etc. Keep your child aware of the value of being active and physical. This keeps them in tune with their peers and strengthens their relationships with them.

• No child likes to feel unaligned with their peers. Being in tune with their physical needs and educated in the value of physical fitness gives them mental aptitude. They cope well with their peers and feel equal.

• It is all about alignment with mind and body. As your child grows, teach them that being physically active can improve general health and give them a great sense of personal satisfaction. As they become more familiar with the benefits of being fit they will want to keep up the momentum. They will notice the difference themselves.

Finally, with all that is said today about mental health, I cannot recommend anything better for family stability than collective involvement in family physical activities. It is so good for the body and spirit and that wonderful sense of togetherness without complications.

‘Exercise not only changes your body, it changes your mind, your attitude and your mood’’

                                                                                          Unknown

Watch out for self doubting. It can creep in slowly and stealthily

Now that children are back at school and getting orientated around a new school year, keep an eye out for the creeping nature of self-doubting or more destructively known as self-downing. Children are very prone to make comparisons with other children. It is natural. What is a concern is when they begin to see themselves as less worthy or less capable. They can make strong connections between their self-worth and their performance.

From an early age, we need to build a sense of self-acceptance. This is separate from performance. It is all about building a strong self-image and yes that will come with some failures and lack of success from time to time. That’s touching on building resilience which should strengthen self-acceptance.

Consider:

• Be repetitive. Tell them often that they are worthwhile and outline what makes them unique.

• Notice that they start to recognise that they can’t be perfect at everything and affirm that concept.‘Well done. You know how capable you are and sometimes not everything goes your way. That’s normal.’

• Teach them by your own example, that making mistakes is natural. It has nothing to do with how worthwhile you are as a person. You still like and value who you are.

• Show them that we all have strengths and weaknesses. It’s part of life. Let them see that we can also learn from experiences where we are a little weak. That makes us stronger and feeds into our self-worth.

• I have heard of an activity where you set up a box and from time to time, write down qualities that you notice about your child. Some parents do this as a journal and at the end of each week, they talk about what the journal has to say. Children love hearing about themselves in such a way.

• Watch the language. Take care not to use downing words with your child. When they hear them, that is all they hear, even though you may have thought what you had to say was helpful. Downing words are powerful destroyers of rational thinking.

• When your child tells you that others have put them down, remind them that sticks and stones may break bones but they are fly-away words. Teach them to shut down when they hear such negative talk. Learning to shut down on such words reminds them that self-approval will not be interfered with by such talk. I am stronger than this!   

• Always keep in touch with your child’s teacher if your child is troubled by some downing at school. Teachers are very skilled at managing these issues which can become quite unsettling in classroom situations from time to time.

• Listen to the conversations they have about self-acceptance. For example, if they feel they are useless because they failed a test, put it into perspective.‘OK, so this test you were not successful in but given how determined and capable you are, you can move on from this test’.

Here you are separating their sense of being worthwhile from a simple test.

• When you spot examples of them talking about how they feel strong and competent, jump on it and reinforce the various aspects you notice that demonstrate their personal strength. Try not to use general words but rather be specific.‘You are so skilled in organising those games with your friends. So wonderful to be an organiser.”

In your day-to-day experiences, talk about how mistakes are natural. Just making a mistake is part of how we learn. It does not reflect who we are or suggest how vulnerable we are as people. At all times remind them that they are worthwhile and have much to offer the world. 

                  ‘The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.’

                                                                                       -Sylvia Plath

Now after Mother's Day what is there to celebrate?

I say keep the party going by keeping your image above water.

The job of a mother is too complex to put in one sentence or paragraph. It is different for everyone and everyone will respond differently to being a mother. I believe there are some important thoughts you need to keep in mind as you enter the post-Mother’s Day period.

• You are human and this means you are allowed to make mistakes. In fact, your child will see the real you by being authentic. That’s all they want anyway.

• Being positive with your child all the time is hard work, so if you need a break from being a mum for a short while, take it. In the longer run, you will feel better and be happier. More content women make better mums.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself when the day doesn't work out the way you wanted it to. Sometimes, our children will be disappointed and that’s OK. They need to see and learn about the real world, that it doesn’t entirely revolve around them!

• Plan each day with yourself included. This could be just a short walk or sipping tea on your own. You have a right to feel content throughout the day.

• Remember that you don't have to do everything around the house. The more independent you make your children by giving them jobs, the better they will develop independent skills.

• Friends and chats have a great healing capacity. Make sure you allow personal time for chats with good friends throughout the week.

• Little treats help to keep up the spirits. Discover a treat that makes you feel good and build it in occasionally. Don’t feel guilty. Children need to see that you need nurturing as well.

• Remember that you are working hard to be the best mum. That means that you don’t need to knock yourself out all the time to prove it. Slow and steady nurturing parenting does the job. In the longer term, this is what is remembered and valued.

• Your child loves you for who you are. You don't need to keep justifying why you do the things you do, this can get very tiring. Just be content that you are a work in progress as a great mum. That’s good enough.

 Finally, keep up your dignity. Tired mums often feel lowly about themselves. A little lipstick and powder and the right t-shirt can lift the spirits for the day.

 Happy Mother’s Year 2023-2024.

Poor behaviour can get you down - 9 ways to better manage

From time to time, continued poor behaviour can be tiring and may cause a frustrated parent to overreact on the littlest of issues. It is always wise to remind yourself of one important fact, when taken seriously, it helps to ease the pressures when things just get too hard. Remember what you are seeing with your child is simply behaviour. It is acted out because of some reasons where satisfaction has not been gained. It is a call for help. It is not the nature of the child nor should you begin to feel guilty because you have feelings of not liking your child. What you do not like is the behaviour, which is temporary and is not the child.

Here are nine thoughts to help understand the best ways to respond when poor behaviour interferes with your relationship with your child:

1. Be a proactive parent. This is where you are actively engaged in their life and always on the lookout to be proactive. This means spending time with your child, talking to them, playing, reading together and encouraging independence. It is all about having an active presence in their life. You have more chance of being heard when disciplining and will be respected by your child when rules, routines and rituals are put in place to enrich the family.

2. Catch them when they are good and keep the affirmation at a high level. Be specific and let them know what you affirm them for rather than just general acknowledgement.‘Well done. You put the dishes away and now I can go to bed a little earlier.’

3. When problem behaviour occurs, try to think about what and why the behaviour has occurred. Finding the reason takes away the feelings of disappointment and reduces angry disappointed feelings. Listen to your child and hear what they have to say.

4. Prevention is better than cure. Here I suggest you make sure your child knows what is expected of them and this may mean demonstrating the expected behaviour to the child. Having regular routines is helpful in developing regular behaviour patterns. Younger children especially, may not know what is expected of them.

5. When disciplining, take care to criticise the behaviour of the child and not the child. Upset children can misinterpret very quickly that you dislike them. It is all about disliking the behaviour, not the child.

6. Learn to negotiate with your child and get them involved in talking about the consequences of their actions. Keep the punishment to only suit the crime and move on quickly. Never surprise your child with some new way of dealing with the problem. Keep consequences familiar and consistent. Check-in with them later to make sure you are back on track with your relationship.

7. Are there some situations that you can let go and decide that some things can just pass? It is OK to just forgive, forget and make a fresh start. This is important to be intuitive enough to know what is best left alone.

8. In solving problems, it is vital that it’s done with the child. Once the problem is established, look together at possible ways to deal with it. Together, choose a solution to trial. Try it and later evaluate if it worked. This is the best way to teach them how to solve problems.

9. Keep things as simple as possible. When a child is upset, their capacity to reason and be logical drops immensely. They need you to be clear about the concern and to direct them into managing the problem calmly and with a belief in solving the problem together.

Finally, when we think about supporting our children with behavioural issues and problems, keep in mind that children have rights. One is to be treated fairly and consistently. Parents have rights also. One is to decide what standards of behaviour are acceptable in their own home. The invitation is clear. Treat your child with dignity as you educate them into managing themselves in a loving, respectful family, where effective listening and appreciation of each others’ rights are paramount. This can start from a very early age.

‘Challenging behaviour occurs when the demands and expectations being placed upon a child outstrip the skills they have to respond.’

                                                                                  -Youth Dynamics

What about our so-called underachievers?

I have real concerns about the word ‘underachiever’, especially when referring to children. This implies there are children who can perform much better, but actually do not perform well. The name and hence label ‘underachiever’ puts a very damning perception on a child. It implies that they are just not up to the mark and will always be below the line.

In my experience as a school principal for 30 years, I have seen many children, who for a variety of reasons, underperform in some way. Yet over those same years, through sound support and shifting social and emotional growth, they no longer underperform. We all are evolving and morphing into well-rounded human beings. There will always be variations as we grow in how we perform.

If a child has a perception that they are an underperformer, they feel a sense of failure in many and varied ways. It totally saturates their sense of self-worth and their endeavours to do better are very poor. They have little motivation to change that perception.

Here are some reflections to help your child if they feel they are underachieving:

• Look at your own parental attitudes towards achievement. Take care not to demand unrealistic high performance. Are your expectations appropriate in light of your child’s anxiety in this area? Remember every child is different.

• If you have little interest in your child’s performance and general school work, they can’t see the point in trying too hard. Always show interest that demonstrates excitement in their work. It is easy to disengage when interest from parents is low.

• Be careful not to put your child down if they perform less than perfect. Always acknowledge their efforts, applaud the process and celebrate how far they have come. Affirming their performance only because it reaches your suitable expectations can lead a child to be very angry, frustrated and disheartened. They will feel despondent because they cannot reach such expectations all the time.

• Some children will underperform, as they do not want to be different from their peers. I have seen this quite a few times. Easier to be one of the gang, than to stand out with a good effort. In this case, discussions need to be had with the teacher to establish how socially active your child is and how they engage with others. This is more about self-esteem matters.

• If your child is underachieving, take little steps. Affirm their work along the way. If they write a story, affirm the stages they are at and compliment them on their efforts.

• Play games where they sometimes win and talk about the fun of having a go and succeeding. Simple games like snakes and ladders can build confidence in young children. Building blocks are a great tool for seeing success through the endeavour.

• If your child hates chores and says they are boring, simplify the chore. When they finish, have some fun and tell them how finishing the chore makes your life easier.

• Select small attainable goals at home. They will be less frustrated as quickly and feel that they want to finish it off. Sometimes doing the goal with them can be helpful as well.

• It can become a habit to underachieve. Find occasions at home to notice when they did complete tasks well. Talk about them and make a fuss about the success it showed.

• Use positive upbeat language. Not words that can easily put down your child. Words like:‘Wonderful effort’,‘Great show’, ‘Much appreciated’, ‘What an outstanding effort’ and‘Wow what a great job’. It’s all about getting them to hear positive thoughts about their achievements, no matter how inconsequential.

• Little positive notes around the house, in their bedroom and in lunchboxes, about how they did well to achieve certain things is a very effective visual way of letting them feel like an achiever. I used to put a little positive note in each child’s desk each night. This made such a difference to their motivation and drive.

We all have periods of underachieving. Our children will have shifting emotions that, from time to time, may lead them down that path. Just keep up the positive talk and minimise occasions where that sense of hopelessness and reduced drive can linger longer. We don’t want over-achievers; we want natural achievers. 

‘The achiever is the only individual who is truly alive.’

                                                                                          George Allen

Think about cultivating good habits

As a family, we are busy doing many things across the week. Some things are repetitive and some are simply done once or twice. We also practise certain rituals as a family. This may include being pedantic about having a meal together, watching a program together, attending family functions etc. Every family will set up routines and schedules that are very specific to them across the year.

This article is to invite us to reflect on cultivating good habits with our children. They could be simple habits or more complicated ones, but the message is all about conditioning your children to savour and value good habits that they take with them for life.

We can teach these good habits slowly and steadily over the years. They simply require repetition and your child needs to see how you value such habits that enrich your life. Once a child sees the value in the habit and learns to enjoy the experience, it will often stay with them as a useful tool for life.

Consider:

• Tell your child what you really enjoy. For example, do you enjoy planting your own vegetables? If so, teach them how and what you do. Give them exposure to that often and share the joy of sharing your own vegetables.

• If sport and fitness are important aspects of your life, your child will enjoy being part of that self-discipline and sharing in the exercise.

• Your passion and the demonstration of your passion will have an impact on your child. Use it wisely and often. Talk about it and celebrate what habits work for you.

• Remember you are a coach and your child may listen and decide that such a passion or habit does not suit them. Accept the results and be patient. It is amazing how much subliminal learning is held in store.

• How you work will be another example of developing life habits. Talk to your child about what drives your passion in your work and how you best like to work.

• A child will be more inclined to listen when they see how you enjoy something, but place no expectations on them to be or to do the same. Take care to be a model that enjoys what you do and is simply happy to share your knowledge and experience.

• If you have a habit that you value, be consistent with it, this gives it credibility and shows your determination. A child will remember this even though they may not immediately adopt the habit.

• When you have a good habit, remember that when your child adopts it, there will always be room for improvement and your child may wish to reshape the habit. Roll with the changes and let them see how you value their contributions.

• Routines are a great way to teach good habits. A routine is secure and a child knows that boundaries and limits give them a form of reassurance. This is very comforting for most children. Involve your child in setting routines. This way they own the process more and the likelihood of turning goals into lifelong habits is greater.

• Developing good habits is essential for our health. They give direction, reassurance and support better mental health. Achieving and managing lifestyle goals have a better chance when a child sees the regularity of good habits happening at an earlier age.

• Consider starting with very simple habits. Initially, children need to feel that setting up good habits is simple. It is all about developing an easy, enjoyable habit that can then become a life habit.

• Remember to reward along the way. We all need consistent encouragement as we progress. Also, keep the experience positive throughout the entire process of teaching and modelling good habits.

• Be realistic with your expectations. In developing good habits, everything has to be within reason and age-appropriate.

• Have your ground rules expressed with strength and with compassion. Ground rules that work for the whole family are also an excellent way of developing good habits. For example, how about the rule of being on time for the family meal?

• Being involved in your child’s life is a sure way of being a successful model demonstrating how good habits work for you. A child respects and values parents who are actively interested in them.

There are many examples of setting good examples such as demonstrating good manners, caring for elders, showing respect for others etc. The important factor is to be consistently living out those habits in your own life. The example is the key for the child.

All in all, let them have a voice and invite their thoughts and ideas of the family habits set up over the years. The more they feel they have a voice, the greater they will own good habits and build these for themselves their own story.

         ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.’                   

         -Will Durant                                                                          

9 ideas to get the term off to a good start

Term two begins in school with a whole different feel. By now there is a general expectation that relationships have formed in the classroom and that children have a good understanding of where they sit with their teacher. Not to say that this is still a work in progress and children need to feel secure and valued over the school year. Sometimes, with more vulnerable children, that can take some time to develop.

1. Routines should be well set up at home. This should especially apply to before-school routines and homework patterns. Providing such an order does keep children busy and focused. This reduces small anxieties about school that can creep up, particularly in the morning.

2. Every now and then check in with your child that they are keeping in touch with their teacher. A measure of this is usually that they talk about them at home. If you have concerns, talk to your child and follow up with the teacher. They need to be kept in the loop.

3. Routines are well underway in a classroom. Children know the routines, the regular test patterns and the extras that are built into the day. Chat about how their day works. This shows interest and that you have up-to-date information.

4. The teacher will have set expectations of how the children should work by now. It is important that your child understands and is in the swing of following the routines of the school day. A chat at home is also helpful here.

5. Sometimes, with younger children, fatigue can set in and occasionally you may hear ‘I don’t want to go to school.’ Sometimes it comes in the form of stomach aches etc. Here it is important to be strong and keep up with regular school attendance. Research shows that more and more absences from school becomes a habit and has a significant impact on learning.

6. Try to keep up with parent nights, sports days etc. I know the year gets complicated but your continual, ongoing presence in their school life, keeps their optimism up for the year. It can wain once the weather gets colder and days darker.

7. As the winter sets in and the children seem less engaged, maybe this could be the time to throw in some treats or simply reduce duties etc. A little lighter period on everyone can ease the winter blues.

8. Keep up the important family rituals such as having meals together. Such regularity helps everyone feel consistently connected and necessary.

9. Bedtime rituals are important as the year rolls on. Children enjoy that time to often disclose concerns or simply feel connected in a special way to their parents.

Finally, the school year can be challenging for some children. It can also put undue strain on a family that is busy and has a range of expectations. As a parent, keeping the happy momentum is what it is all about. This may need some adjustment and maybe adaptation from time to time. It may also require that you check in with your own needs across the year. Your mental health has a direct impact on the well-being of your children.

         ‘One way to keep up the momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.’

 -Michael Korda