A Few Tips on keeping a Calm Household

We all know that busy families make for busy lives which of course leads to tiredness and tension from time to time. It is natural that being calm and steady throughout the busy week can almost become impossible. Below are a few simple tips on reducing weekly domestic tension with your child.

• Try to be less a perfectionist. This can make you very unsettled if in a busy week your ideal plan does not go well. Remember you are dealing with children and their lives are messy and changing frequently. Being more flexible and less demanding of expectations on your part will make life easier.

• Try to keep to routines and have schedules clearly visible for all to see. A child feels more secure when they know predicable patterns across the week occur. They are more unsettled when change occurs.

• Plenty of sleep for everyone in the house is important. You need it as much as your child. Find some personal time in the day, just a few moments that you can call you own. How about that coffee in a cafe for five minutes?

• On the weekend check in with your child for the week ahead. Talk about expectations you have and also discuss those days where your child will need to be contributing more. Getting them involved in planning the week ahead is vital for success.

• When your child talks to you remember to be an effective listener. This may mean that you say, “I can't talk right now but after school we will sit down and I can listen to what you have to say.” Follow through with this as your child will not forget.

• Use bedtime as a time to have more intimate chats with your child. They love to feel special and to know that you are really available.

• With younger children talk at a slower pace if you are giving instructions. They will listen and respond better if they understand what you want from them.

• During the day keep regular affirmations going. This gives your child reassurance that all is well. 'I love the way you pack your lunch for school. It makes a difference in getting to school on time.'

• When having a stressed moment stop and take a deep breath before your respond to your child. It can make such a difference with your response which will carry less frustration to your child.

• Try to keep down the clutter in the house. A very cluttered and disorganized environment makes for less calm children.

• At the end of a week assess with your child how it all went. Were their positive moments and did you both get the best from the way it was organized? Being reflective may make for a better week next time.

• All children work towards independence. From an early age they seek to do things on their own. This actually makes them happier. Consider whether you can give your child more responsibility for themselves. They will love the independence. Don't worry too much when it all goes poorly. Mistakes happen. That is how we all learn.

• Be well aware of what is happening at school. There is nothing more frustrating than catching up with news when it is all too late. Read notices, plan ahead for dress up days. Etc. You will enjoy your child's school much more by being engaged.

• Homework can be a stressful time for the household. Work out the best time for your child to do homework and have it set up in a comfortable, light filled space. You will be more relaxed knowing that your child is in an optimum environment for homework to be done. Also remember that teachers set homework and that if a child is struggling refer it back to the teacher.

Finally we live in an ever changing world with our child. There are always reasons why change must occur or plans altered due to illness, fatigue etc. Expect the unexpected but don't place the burden on yourself when everything does not go to plan. Flexibility and creativity will get you through those tricky moments.

“A parent who understands the changing nature of family, not only survives but thrives.”

— Gail J Smith

Build resilience in your child

As parents, from the very beginning, we see ourselves as the primary nurturer. We should also be seeing ourselves as the primary builder of resilience in our children. We want them to be strong, independent people, who can cope in life, without relying too heavily on us the parents. Sometimes, because we become cautious and anxious to ensure that our children are coping well, we forget about our role to strengthen their resilience and give them the skills they need to survive outside of the family cave.

Consider the following:

• Teach children how to identify problems, brainstorm solutions and take action to address challenges.

• Encourage them to think creatively and persistently seek solutions, even when faced with setbacks. Let them see that failure is part of life.

• Help children develop a growth mindset by emphasizing the power of positive thinking and seeing challenges as opportunities for growth. Encourage them to focus on their strengths. See life as an opportunity and stay focused on solving problems not being overcome by them.

• Create a supportive and nurturing environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions openly and seeking support when needed. Offer empathy and encouragement. Let them see how possible it is for them to work through a successful process.

• Equip children with effective coping skills to manage stress, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices, and relaxation techniques. Encourage them to develop healthy outlets for expressing emotions, such as writing in diaries, art, or physical activity.

• Foster independence in children by encouraging them to take on age-appropriate

  responsibilities. Allow them to experience natural consequences and learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment.

• Cultivate strong, supportive relationships with family members, friends, and other trusted adults who can serve as positive role models.. Your child needs all the positive help they can get.

• Expose children to stories of resilience through books, movies, and real-life examples. Highlight individuals who have overcome adversity and achieved success . Talk about them and especially their qualities.

• Focus on effort rather than outcomes and celebrate children's achievements, big and small. Praise their hard work, resilience, and perseverance. Celebrating the process not so much the results of the outcomes.

• Create a sense of belonging within the family and community by involving children in meaningful activities, traditions, and rituals. There are many charitable organizations with which they can engage themselves.

• Be a positive role model for resilience by demonstrating healthy coping strategies, and positive problem-solving skills. Show children that setbacks and failures are opportunities for growth and learning.

• When you are around your child be an optimistic person. Let them see that life is a hopeful experience. Moody environments can breed anxiety.

Be prepared to nurture independence in your child as this will be a major hallmark of strength for your child. Let them slowly engage with the world by themselves as this will gradually build strong resilience leading to a happier individual.

“Encouraging independence and building resilience in your child is a life saver”

— Gail J Smith

Building confidence in your child

From the moment a child is born there will be small signs of seeking independence. Perhaps ever so subtle but none the less there is a definite presence of wanting to be independent. As parents our role is to be the nurturer and provide safety and security for our child. For a parent, letting go of your responsibility can be difficult. Research tells us, that as a child reaches out for more independence, we demonstrate better parenting, if we gently walk with them as they take steps to strengthen their personal growth. There are many reasons why being alongside your child as they take independent steps is a mature way of parenting. Consider:

• Developing independence empowers children to believe in themselves and their abilities. As they accomplish tasks on their own, they gain confidence in their skills and decision-making capabilities. There is nothing like feeling successful when taking a new independent step.

• Independence fosters problem-solving skills. When children face challenges independently, they learn to think critically, adapt to new situations, and find creative solutions. They understand that they must rely on themselves and this does not frighten them.

• Learning to be independent instils a sense of responsibility in children. They understand the consequences of their actions and take ownership of tasks, fostering accountability and self-reliance. They will try different solutions to problems and not be intimidated by an occasional failure.

• Independence allows children to make decisions and choices on their own. Through these experiences, they learn to weigh options, consider consequences, and develop sound decision-making abilities. There is nothing more liberating than making your own decisions.

• Independence encourages self-reliance. Children become more resourceful and resilient as they learn to depend on themselves to accomplish tasks and overcome obstacles. They will ask questions but not expect to be given the answer.

• Developing independence prepares children for adulthood. By learning essential life skills and becoming self-sufficient, they gain the confidence and competence to thrive in the responsibilities of adulthood. Little by little they step into an adult world, well prepared with less surprises.

• Independence contributes to building healthy relationships. Children who are independent are better able to communicate their needs, assert boundaries, and engage in mutually respectful interactions with others. This is all about developing emotional maturity.

• Independence fosters a spirit of exploration and creativity. When children have the freedom to pursue their interests and ideas independently, they are more likely to discover new passions and talents. They become better risk takers and enjoy the challenge.

• Developing independence helps children form their own identity. As they make choices and pursue interests that align with their values and preferences, they gain a clearer sense of who they are and what they stand for. A child with such confidence will attract like minded children. This makes for forming healthy relationships.

In my experience as school principal, it was always the case that children who were given opportunities to demonstrate independence appeared happy and self assured. They engaged with all sorts of peers and were comfortable in many settings.

“Building independence in your child is all about sound parenting.”

— Gail J Smith