Lasting memories of a childhood

I remember Barbara, just stunning! I recently pulled her out of a dusty box that was labelled, ‘old goods’. How could that be? Barbara looked to me as fresh and alive as the day I met her. I was six and she was to be my companion doll for several long years, as I was an only child. Her bright blue eyes slowly opened and closed, Sometimes I carefully pulled down the heavy, thick dark eyelashes. I would think she was once again doing that all familiar wink and reassurance that she was there just for me.

I noticed her dress. It had been sewn together by my mother using scraps from a box. I remember thinking how clever it must have been to sew pieces of material together. They were from the factory in which my mother worked. She would often bring remnants of material home, and they all ended up in this one tall box.

Barbara seemed a little lighter than I remember her and sadly her left leg had come away from the plastic joint. I remember that had she visited a doll’s hospital to get that problem fixed or so I was told and I waited what seemed forever to get her home. She must have missed me terribly. I also had a memory flash of times when Barbara and I would have tea parties with my cat on the lawn. Strange isn’t it, as I now have allergies to cats. I wondered when I stopped liking them as I find them now a menace to my health.

Memories started to flow of times when Barbara and I would chat about who, where and what was in my small world. A few broken lines from songs came to mind, that as a child I sang, long since forgotten. At least they were a remnant of happy songs which now have faded into obscurity. It wasn’t an easy childhood, but Barbara was always there. She seemed to wear that same reassuring look and would on occasion with my encouragement, by pulling down her eyelash, give me a wink.

These scattered memories took me into a happy, secure place and reminded me, that as a child, we take with us various images that can still play a small part in our older life. Thanks Barbara! I will now show my appreciation by placing you on a shelf where I can glance at you occasionally when I have those darker moments. I know you will be a stable, secure influence that I take from my somewhat disheveled childhood. You will always have those bright, red cheeks and your hair will look so smart, not a wave out of place. I like that idea of stillness and stability.

I wonder what all our children today will take with them into adulthood.As parents, we help in creating some of those lasting images and in every child. I hope they find their Barbara.

Managing anger around children.

Anger management can be quite an issue when we live busy lives, have many and varied pressures on us and our children are unsettled. It’s a natural part of life to feel anger. What we need to understand is that a child can often misinterpret our anger and will often take on much of the blame when we have a meltdown. Managing our anger around children is the best way to ensure that your child is not overpowered by your feelings. Our angry outbursts can sometimes lead them to shut down and to avoid being in our presence.

 Here are some thoughts on how your anger can influence your child.

• Children need a safe and nurturing environment. Uncontrolled anger can create fear and emotional insecurity, impacting a child's sense of safety at home. The home should be a very safe place for them.

•  Witnessing frequent anger can harm a child's mental health. It may lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty in managing emotions. Often they blame themselves for the anger.

• Children learn by observing. Constant exposure to anger might lead them to imitate aggressive behaviours, affecting their own ways of handling stress and conflicts. What they see is often what they think is the way to operate.

• A calm environment encourages open communication. When parents manage anger, it fosters trust, allowing children to feel comfortable sharing their feelings without fear of harsh reactions.

• Children learn about healthy relationships from their parents. Managing anger positively teaches them constructive ways to handle conflicts, promoting healthier relationships in the future. When they see healthy relationships, they desire to have them in their life.

If the family household contains a lot of anger, it can put your child at risk of mental health problems later in life. It also suggests that they may become aggressive and exhibit behavioural problems themselves.

Consider the three R’s of anger- Recognise, Reflect and Respond. Also, when feeling really angry, step away from the feeling for a while. This helps reduce the angry feeling.

 As a parent, understand how you cope emotionally with your child.  Being aware will make all the difference to yourself and especially your child.

 ‘For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Keeping track of the media for children

There is so much news at the moment about the distressing situation in Ukraine, the ongoing battle with Covid and other local issues. The recent floods were very disturbing in Australia. It doesn’t take long for children to pick up that there is much anxiety and stress in our world.

Children’s exposure to television is a common way in which they pick up the news and often news items come intermittently throughout the day. Snippets of distressing news items appear across the screen spontaneously and often underlined in bold are the words, Breaking News. Immediately our eyes are drawn to the words and we anticipate reading something that has a shock factor. Our children are familiar with how television stations present their news and they can become conditioned into waiting with anticipation for what comes next.

No surprise that our children can be anxious about what they see and hear on the news. Also, schoolyard gossip can be quite instrumental in building feelings of anxiety about matters around which your child has no control.

Understanding that we live in a world where exposure to sudden shock news is evident, there are some practical ways in which you the parents can control what they are exposed to across the week.

• Keep an eye on the television when it is in public view. Children’s programs are controlled for news but not with other programs that are not child censored. This may mean turning off the television more frequently and being around your child during their viewing time.

• Have family conversations about how news works and encourage your child to talk about any issues they have seen which upset them. Your child needs to feel secure and comfortable in talking to you about feelings of being unsettled or issues that are disturbing.

• Consider where your television is placed in the house. Are you able to see and hear what they are watching? Being in the background and in easy reach of the remote is so important.

• Also, if you have newspapers lying around the house, if the headlines are provocative statements, keep them away from your child. It is very hard for children to understand the subtlety of newspaper headlines which can be conflicting and unsettling for little eyes.

• Educate your child about the news of the day. They should be kept up with what is important news but it must be age-appropriate and discussed in a gentle and responsible way. Teaching your child to read news with a responsible and objective outlook is important.

• As parents, we want our children to be gradually introduced into our wondrous world. We prepare them for what is ahead and we understand that they will take on global challenges in different ways. Giving them a slow and stable introduction to what the world presents on paper and screen is the best way for them to develop a critical and responsive eye, decipher the truth and put things into perspective. Anxiety is often bred from ignorance and a parent’s role is to give their child optimum opportunities to be in control of that anxiety.

‘It is commonly agreed that children spend more hours per year watching television than in the classroom, and far less in actual conversations with the parents.’

-Paul Wehrich