What do we as parents expect from our children?
Becoming a parent means transitioning into a consultant role for your child as they grow and become more responsible for their own lives. Your steady support and guidance will shape their future significantly. Gail Smith shares some essential considerations for parents as we navigate the challenges that concern us or cause discontent.
Sometimes it is worthwhile to reflect on what we expect from our children. In doing this we can challenge ourselves about how we tackle issues that worry us or make us discontent. Also it encourages us to reflect on our expectations and to question the standards we set for our children.
Consider:
Respect: Parents want their children to treat them and others with respect, including following instructions, listening attentively, and showing empathy. Of course they will learn much about respect from our own modelling.
Responsibility: Parents hope their children will take responsibility for their actions, chores, and commitments, demonstrating independence and accountability. In taking responsibility they will need to be gradually given more independence.
Success: Parents desire their children to succeed in various aspects of life, whether academically, professionally, or personally, achieving their goals and aspirations. Remember to set expectations that are realistic and not simply your dreams. This can be a CHALLENGE FOR SOME PARENTS.
Happiness: Above all, parents want their children to be happy and content, pursuing activities and relationships that bring them joy and fulfilment. By giving them many and varied opportunities to experience life will create a thirst for more, especially in seeking happiness.
Kindness: Parents value kindness and compassion in their children, hoping they will be considerate and helpful towards others, fostering positive relationships and community spirit. This is where good modelling is important. Surround your children with well balanced people as well.
Resilience: Parents wish for their children to develop resilience and perseverance, being able to overcome challenges and setbacks with determination and resilience. If you want them to be risk takers let them solve their own problems and encourage self determination.
Independence: Parents want their children to become independent individuals capable of making decisions, solving problems, and taking care of themselves as they grow older. This requires you the parent to gradually let go and allow your child to make their own mistakes and deal with the consequences.
Communication: Parents appreciate open and honest communication with their children, fostering trust and understanding in their relationship. Therefore be an effective listener and respect their conversations. Try not to judge what they have to say but rather allow them to express their feelings and beliefs openly.
Gratitude: Parents hope their children will be grateful for the love, support, and opportunities provided to them, showing appreciation for what they have and for the efforts of others. For them to show gratitude you will need to be a grateful and humble person yourself.
Health and Safety: Above all, parents want their children to be healthy, safe, and secure, both physically and emotionally, prioritizing their well-being above everything else. You can help here by encouraging your child to be physically active and by building their personal confidence they grow stronger intellectually and emotionally.
As the parent you gradually become a consultant to your child as they grow older and take over their own responsibility for their life. Your strong and consistent presence will have a long lasting impact on your child.
“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.”
Helping your child improve in spelling
Mastering spelling can be tricky for some kids, but with your early support, they'll become spelling superstars, communicating with confidence in their writing. Let Gail Smith guide you with some awesome tips to boost your child's spelling skills.
Spelling can be a tricky skill to develop for some children. The sooner you support their learning in this area, the greater chance they have of becoming effective spellers and can communicate well with others in their writing.
Here are some helpful suggestions:
Try having fun with spelling bees at home. Make it a game. Consider incorporating spelling activities into their daily routine.
Many news agencies sell phonic charts which are handy to have at home. From time to time you can refer to them to help your child retain some basic phonetics. Phonics teaches spelling patterns and rules.
Engage multiple senses in spelling practice. For example, with younger children have your child write words in sand or shaving cream to feel the shapes of the letters, or use magnetic letters to spell words on the fridge. Use art and craft activities to make up words perhaps in felt, paint etc.
Teach your child to break down longer words into smaller, more manageable chunks. This can help them understand the structure of words and make spelling them easier.
Play word games together that reinforce spelling skills, such as Scrabble, Boggle, or word search puzzles. These games make spelling practice fun and interactive.
Encourage your child to read aloud regularly. Hearing words pronounced correctly can reinforce their spelling and help them recognize common spelling patterns.
Have your child keep a spelling journal where they write down words they find challenging. Encourage them to revisit these words regularly and practice spelling them correctly.
Offer praise and encouragement when your child makes progress in spelling. Celebrate their successes, no matter how small, to boost their confidence and motivation.
Take advantage of spelling apps and online resources designed to help children practice spelling in a fun and engaging way. Many of these apps offer interactive games and activities tailored to different age levels.
Spelling can be challenging for some children, so be patient and supportive as they learn. Avoid criticizing mistakes and instead focus on providing constructive feedback and encouragement.
Try introducing one new word each week. This can be the spelling challenge and see how your child can learn that tricky word in a week.
Spelling is linked to speech, writing, and reading. The more you encourage your child to use language, the more confident they become in having a go with tricky words. Repetition has a lot to do with improving spelling. The more you practice spelling words, the greater retention you have and the easier recall of that word over time.
“If we spell well we communicate well”
Supporting your child with homework and developing good study habits
Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings homework to complete. Discover with Gail Smith why supporting your children's efforts and valuing extended learning at home is crucial. Be a pillar of support for your child's educational journey!
Homework can be controversial in many teaching circles. However, if a child is given homework, it is important to support their efforts and let it be seen that extended learning from school is valued in your home and you will be a support.
Consider the following:
Set aside a designated time and space for homework each day to create a consistent routine. This helps children develop a sense of structure and responsibility. Find a comfortable space for your child in which to complete the homework.
Break down homework assignments into smaller, more manageable tasks. Encourage your child to focus on completing one task at a time. Sometimes they can be daunted by looking at the amount of work to do overnight or in a few days.
Do not labour over homework tasks that the child is finding too difficult. Stress that they can discuss it with the teacher on the next day. After all the teacher set the homework.
Create a quiet and organized study space free from distractions, such as television or electronic devices. Offer support and encouragement as needed, but encourage independence and problem-solving skills. Watch the time that the homework is completed. Doing homework when a child is tired or anxious
is doomed for failure.
Teach your child effective time management skills, such as prioritizing tasks, setting goals, and creating a homework schedule. Help them learn to plan their homework out well.
Encourage your child to take regular breaks during homework sessions to rest and recharge. Encourage physical activity, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep to support overall well-being. Create an enjoyable atmosphere around homework time.
Provide guidance and support when needed, but avoid completing assignments for your child. Encourage them to ask questions, seek clarification from teachers, and use available resources such as textbooks, websites, or tutoring services. Take care not to get in an argument about their completing homework when they are struggling with the activity. This is where you need teacher intervention.
Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort, persistence, and improvement rather than focusing solely on grades or outcomes. Let their homework time be a time for learning in an inquiring way but with no tension.
Celebrate your child's successes and achievements, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and motivation to continue working hard.
Stay informed about your child's progress and any challenges they may be facing with homework. Communicate regularly with teachers to address concerns and seek additional support or resources if needed. Talk to their teacher about your child’s capacity to do the homework.
Model good study habits and a positive attitude toward learning in your own behaviour. Let your child see you reading, learning, and problem-solving in your daily life. Perhaps you could sometimes have a quite study time while they are doing their homework
There are various professional opinions about the value of homework. Keep yourself optimistic when your child brings home work to complete. Let them see that learning is ongoing and not just between the school hours.
“Teach your child that learning happens all the time. Homework is merely one component of a very big picture.”
What parents need to think about when our children go to school
This blog contains several important considerations that you should keep in mind to support your child's education and overall wellbeing.
As parents of children in school, there are several important concepts and considerations that you should always keep in mind to support your child's education and overall wellbeing. These concepts are all about good parenting skills that help you keep your eye on that all-important issue of education.
Communication: Maintain open and regular communication with your child's teachers and school staff. Effective communication is essential for ongoing connection between the school and teacher. If things were to change you would learn about them quickly.
Support and Encouragement: Encourage your child's curiosity and love for learning. Provide emotional support and praise for their efforts, achievements, and resilience in the face of challenges. Be a positive parent who encourages their efforts and celebrates achievements of all sorts.
Active Involvement: Be actively involved in your child's education by attending parent-teacher conferences, school events, and volunteering when possible. Your presence and engagement can have a positive impact. Such involvement will show your child how you value their education and love learning. Be a partner with the school.
Consistency: Establish consistent routines at home to support your child's learning. This includes setting regular study times, creating a conducive homework environment, and ensuring a balanced daily schedule. Encourage your child to be part of the weekly planning of the family routine.
Individualised Learning: Recognise that each child is unique with their own strengths, weaknesses, and learning styles. Support and advocate for individualised instruction when needed. Recognise your child in their own learning style and avoid labelling them.
Wellness and Health: Prioritise your child's physical and mental health. Ensure they get enough sleep, maintain a healthy diet, and engage in regular physical activity. Address any health or emotional concerns promptly. Talk openly about maintaining good health and encourage open conversation about what makes you feel well and happy.
Homework and Study Skills: Help your child develop effective study habits and time management skills. Encourage them to take responsibility for their homework and assignments. The more independent they are here, the more effective the homework will be.
Reading and Literacy: Foster a love of reading and literacy. Encourage reading both at school and at home, and provide access to a variety of age-appropriate books. Make your house a visual delight with books and magazines scattered throughout.
Technology and Media Literacy: Monitor your child's use of technology and media. Teach them responsible digital citizenship and ensure they have access to safe and educational online resources. Discuss electronic safety with the school as they have ways and resources to help parents cope at home.
Critical Thinking: Encourage critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Ask open-ended questions and engage in discussions that promote curiosity and independent thinking. Have plenty of games around the house and discuss news items that can lead to healthy debate.
Respect for Diversity: Promote an appreciation for diversity and being inclusive. Teach your child to respect others' backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives. Be open to invitations and show your child that exclusivity is a dangerous and narrow position to take.
Advocacy: Be an advocate for your child when necessary. If you have concerns about your child's education or wellbeing, communicate with the school and seek solutions together. Work cooperatively with the school and listen to what they have to tell you.
Lifelong Learning: Emphasise the importance of lifelong learning. Show your child that learning is a continuous and enriching journey that extends beyond the classroom. Talk about how you keep learning and what excites your imagination when discovering new facts.
Balanced Expectations: Set realistic expectations for your child's academic performance, recognising that success may vary from subject to subject and year to year. Also, focus on rewarding the efforts put into their work rather than the results.
Positive Role Model: Be a positive role model for your child by demonstrating a commitment to learning, resilience in the face of challenges, and a growth mindset. Discuss from time to time what makes you tick and find opportunities to show the way using common sense and emotional maturity
Self-Care: Remember to take care of yourself as a parent. Maintaining your own wellbeing and balance is essential for being able to support your child effectively. Also, your child needs to see that your self-care is essential for everyone’s wellbeing.
These ideas help you as a parent develop healthy and effective parenting skills to support their learning. The path is never even but keeping them on the right track steers them in the right direction.
‘There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.’
Sue Atkins.
The importance of getting support when needed
As parents, we simply don’t have all the answers. Just when we think we are on top of matters, our child surprises us with new challenges. It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.
As parents we simply don’t have all the answers. Just when we think we are on top of matters, our child surprises us with new challenges. They are growing all the time and with that growth comes new interests and new exposures to different experiences and challenges. We need to be ready and prepared as our parenting changes to accommodate our growing child.
It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.
Think about it for a moment. How you talk and parent a seven-year-old will be completely different to how you parent that child when turning fourteen. Who gives you the advice as your parenting needs to adjust to a child who is on the path to seeking independence and demanding personal space, independent thinking etc? This article is to remind you, the parent that seeking advice and help is a natural part of your ever evolving growth as a parent. You see we have to change as well as the child.
Sometimes we can develop irrational thoughts on seeking advice.
Negative thoughts could include:
If I cannot manage my child’s behaviour, I must be a failure as a parent. I don’t deserve that feeling when I try so hard.
If I am in control I would not be at loggerheads with my child and feel useless in managing their behaviour. Why do I have these feelings of inadequacy when it is my child who has behaviour problems?
I am embarrassed that I cannot manage my child and other people must consider me a bad parent.
Perhaps my child is really bad and I have done a poor job in rearing them. Perhaps it is my fault after all.
These irrational thoughts can steer us aware from seeking help.
When you seek help:
You demonstrate that you value education. The more you know, the more capable, calm and confident you are in understanding the situation for what it is. It is a sound thing for your child to see that you are keen to learn more about parenting.
It shows you care enough about your child to go beyond your own fears and seek others out for advice.
It also demonstrates that you can recognise that there is a problem and that independent support is to be valued and respected.
It shows your maturity in recognising that there are many ways to solve problems and using experienced support will be welcomed.
When seeking help consider places such as your local school and of course talking to your child’s teachers. They are wise enough to understand that home behaviour can be different from school.
Nowadays it is not difficult to look online for parental support and everything from psychologists to the local councils, welfare agencies etc. often run courses to help parents.
By engaging such support, you will:
Realise that your parenting is normal. There is no such thing as perfect parenting.
They will provide moral and emotional support.
They can help you work out a plan to address your concerns. Organisations can give you other networks to assist as well.
Above all consider:
It is normal to come across roadblocks in parenting. In fact, expect them from time to time. They are challenge points.
As children grow their needs change and this will naturally challenge your parenting.
It is mentally healthy to recognise that seeking help is an excellent response when needed.
Throughout your life as a parent, you are learning how to parent. It is not a static process and just like any form of learning we all need good teachers.
‘Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.’
-Charles R Swindoll