Let’s think about how good holidays are with our families
Embark on a journey with Gail Smith to uncover the joys and advantages of family holidays! Discover how these precious moments can strengthen family ties and create cherished memories that last a lifetime.
We are at the tail end of school term holidays and yes we are busy thinking and doing things that get us ready for the new year in the family schedule, not the least of which is school matters. Here I am reminding everyone to savour and still enjoy what is left of the holiday. They are such a gift for a family enabling them to connect in a deeper and special way. It is important to reflect on the good they have done for everyone in the family.
Consider the following thoughts that feed into our belief of the value of family holidays
A surprise research finding suggests that blood pressure is reduced when you take that well earnt rest whether it be for a weekend or longer. Also research suggests that heart disease is reduced and depression less likely when vacations are taken. So overall it is about improving your mental and physical health and this flows onto your children.
• Being on holidays with your child gives you the chance to build life long memories which are so important to the child. Happy memories can be life long.
• You break from the normal routine and this sets up lots of opportunities to connect in different ways. Sometimes these can be spontaneous and give you a chance to be seen in a completely different light by your children. Suddenly children may discover how funny their father is on holidays.
• Life at home comes with responsibilities, duties and order. Holidays can be worry free and less stress on completing tasks and doing jobs. It is about finding your family joy.
• Holidays have built in quantity times with your children. How often during the year do you find longer and more available space to fit in conversations and fun with your children?
• On holidays especially when the vacation is away from the home you get the opportunity to show and teach your child about nature and life issues. This could be teaching them about sea shells through to environmental matters such as why grass is green. This is a special time to step outside the norm as a parent and to be a real educator of culture and life.
• By having a regular family holiday you are building a holiday tradition. Children remember well how you as a family operate in such a situation. Photos can become long term cherished memories. For example, in a caravan you may share meals with other families regularly. With a beach holiday you may have a tradition of swimming together, burying each other in sand etc. All rich family traditions of being joyful together. It is all about celebrating the various values that bring us together. We also let go of feeling we must be in control and accountable.
• We all need stress busters from the busy years we have. We need an unwind time and a time for renewal. Family holidays can achieve so much in reducing stress.
You learn more about your children and they learn more about you through relaxed family holidays Often your children see a new you and enjoy what they see. Also you discover more about your child when you see them happily playing and engaged in more relaxed activities. In this space there is no judgement and lots of enjoyment.
Finally you can develop stronger and happier family bonds on holidays. You actually learn how to operate more effectively as a family unit. Such things as cooperation, better interaction and spontaneous joy come from family vacation.
So, I am wondering, have you planned your next trip?
‘The greatest legacy we can leave our children is happy memories.’
-Og Mandino
Dealing with stress in children
Here are some suggestions on keeping your children’s stress levels at bay or at least contained in a manageable package. However, we recognise that stress factors operate around us all the time. Developing tactics to deal with them is the key.
Stress comes in all shapes and forms across childhood. Sometimes it is easy to move on from small matters other times it can be quite consuming for a child and very complex for a parent to manage. Either way stress in some form is part of all our lives.
Early man saw stress as a mechanism to survive. Once they recognised the degree of stress affecting their survival certain tactics were put in place to keep them alive. So we have been dealing with stress since the caveman era. It is almost part of our DNA.
Here are some suggestions on keeping stress levels at bay or at least contained in a manageable package. However, we recognise that stress factors operate around us all the time. Developing tactics to deal with them is the key.
Consider:
Getting enough sleep is so important for mental well-being. Check your child’s room. Is there adequate light reductions at night? Are they sleeping in a comfortable space that gives them several hours of uninterrupted sleep? Do they fall asleep quickly? What can you do to enrich their bedroom by inviting a better place for sleeping?
We often talk about physical exercise that will lower anxiety. The more children enjoy physical activities, the happier the space they are in. Consider all the sports that are on offer. Joining a team sport has immense befits for building personal stamina.
When a stress factor comes into play talk it through with your child. Maybe it can be worked through simply. The more the talk, the greater the propensity for solving the stress. Keeping silent about it only adds to stress and sometimes exacerbates the problem.
Fresh air and the outside environment is a wonderful distraction for stress. It is amazing how a walk through a park, a swim in a pool, a climb of a hill etc will take away the stress feeling. For children sometimes just a hit of the basketball in the yard is a great release.
Some children like to journal their feelings. If this is the case provide plenty of paper and a pencil or a diary to write about their feelings. Remember that you are encouraging them still to talk about the content so that you can both work on the stress factors.
Teachers will often encourage children to write about their feelings. It is recognised as a very legitimate way to express yourself.
Encourage your child to see their stress as something they can manage. Teach them that dealing with little matters can keep away the bigger anxieties. Set up a home environment that is open and invites children to talk about stress. By listening to them and not judging their worries they are more inclined to feel they can open up a conversation about anxious feelings.
A major source of stress can be school. Keep an open mind about school matters and ask your child open-ended questions like:
‘I wonder how school went today?’
‘School can be tricky at times. I remember when I had some issues to think about’.
Avoid using the dreaded basic question,
‘What happened at school today?’
Expect the answer:
‘Nothing.’
Keep an eye on the amount of stress that your child is displaying. For example monitor more carefully:
changed eating habits,
neglecting regular duties
heightened irritability.
increased defiance
letting go of friends
outbursts of irrational anger
When you think it is not manageable for a simple chat, time to take action and start with a conversation at school with the teacher. Much is revealed from such conversations.
Be astute and when you can avoid a stressful situation with your child avoid it. Less confrontation and reducing anxiety is the better option. To avoid stress is a proactive way of dealing with it.
Finally, we understand that we live in an environment that can trigger stress in our children. Our role as parents is to simply demonstrate the wisdom to be present and helpful with our children by effective listening. Be prepared, this sometimes means compromises on yourselves.
‘Courage is not the absence of fear but doing something in spite of fear.’
-Unknown
Finding ways to help a child’s anxiety
Children can feel anxiety, just as adults do. Anxiety is the feeling where we worry, we feel anxious and we can have a sense of dread. Here are some tips to help your child work through anxiety.
Anxiety is the feeling where we worry, we feel anxious and we can have a sense of dread. It can come in different forms and with different intensities. Children can have it in different forms and we can expect to see it from time to time in children as they go through various challenging stages in their life.
Here are a few ideas to help cope with the anxiety that can interfere with normal life and limit a child's ability to get on with their day to day experiences. If left for too long it can become quite serious.
Be prepared. Understand that every child will have anxious moments and you are there ready to listen and understand that for the child it needs to be respected and treated sensitively.
Keep active. A child that is busy with sport, outside activities after school enjoys games etc. can easily be distracted and taken away from those anxious moments. Also a child can learn that spontaneously taking on some activity can easily reduce bouts of stress.
Listen with intent. When a child feels anxious try not to question them. ‘Why are you sad?’ Put it another way.
‘Something has upset you. I wonder what that is?’
Probing the child to find out what is upsetting them may cause them to shut down and you are left with silence. No one enjoys probing questions when feeling poorly emotionally.
Allow space. Sometimes when a child is upset or has developed anxiety about something try to give them space and not over-talk or over-direct them. To some degree it is important that they have time to process their worries and to work through some solutions for themselves. Silence can be a useful tool.
Don’t be surprised that your child does not hear you when they are experiencing some anxiety. I found quite often that children who experience some shock or sudden anxiety block out everything around them as a way of coping for a while. If this happens allow your child some time before you set any expectations on them such as having a conversation.
Teach your child the art of deep breathing. Practise it together. This is a great way of learning about relaxation. Also, there are some beautiful relaxation tapes. Ask your child to choose one that they can listen to at night to help them sleep.
Children also love their own contemporary music. They can destress listening to their kind of music. Allow their music around the house and not just restrict it to their room.
For younger children drawing, singing, dancing and painting are all enjoyable distractions from worrying about problems. Is your home inviting to all these activities?
Encourage your child to talk about their anxieties. Make it part of your family culture where anxiety is discussed openly. It is best out and boldly in the open. If a child feels comfortable in talking about their anxieties and they are being acknowledged, they have somewhere to go with them. As a model, you too can talk about your anxieties and how you deal with them. In this way we make anxieties just a normal part of our family experiences.
Once your child talks about some anxiety discuss with them about setting small goals working towards real change. For example, if your child is anxious about talking in front of the class, your first goal could be for them to talk in front of the family.
Teach your child positive self-talk. When they talk about an anxious situation talk up how you can make it positive.
‘I know I can do it.’ ‘I can swim the length of the pool.’ ‘I will do it.’
Affirmation is especially important when they overcome some anxiety:
‘I am so impressed that you went in that competition. Bravo.’
Children who suffer from anxiety need the stability of routine and discipline to give them security. Also having family meals together and providing plenty of happy family times makes them feel safe and secure.
There is nothing more off putting for anxiety than laughter, joy and a sense of connection to others.
Finally, try hard to manage your own anxiety and be open with your child telling them how you managed it and what tools you used to overcome your anxiety. Make anxiety a normal part of getting on with life.
Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all things you can’t hear and not bothering.’
-Winnie the Pooh
Sometimes it’s best to just go with the flow
Sometimes it is not possible to be reactive to a situation that is unsettling or perhaps able to control things well. This is life. There are far too many unknowns on a day to day basis. Perhaps even minute to minute basis. At the moment with CoVid still present and appearing in different forms, we need to go with the flow a little more as it ebbs and changes around our community. The more we think it is under control, the more we will be frustrated as rules and health recommendations change.
Good modelling for the child is that they recognise in their family that sometimes we can ebb and flow when pressure builds up. Allowing some flexibility and breathing space in tricky situations allows time to sometimes solve the problem or at least reduce the tension.
Teachers are very aware that sometimes it is simply best to change directions and just go with the flow. This is a saving grace when pressure builds in a classroom. Also, it is worth remembering to be a little fluid can prevent major storms. Avoiding a major storm means that there is less damage control and damaged relationships. Teachers will also measure success not by major achievements but by avoiding obstacles that can slow down and hinder their overall work. This can also be called wisdom.
A few tips:
Read the signs. If pressure is building can I just change directions and accept how things work out? Am I able to accept the fluid directions that can sometimes lead to a surprise outcome?
Am I able to understand that life may not always give us exactly what we planned?
Watch your expectations. If you set very high expectations it can be more difficult to slow down and just go with the flow.
When you have decided to go with the flow, talk to your child as to why you think this is the better option. Demonstrating that you are flexible when necessary is a positive trait.
Do you know successful people that are spontaneous in slowing down and redirecting actions when needed? Talk about their gifts and how this works for that person.
Sometimes fighting and seeking to fly away from the problem can lead to considerable stress. The more we try to control, the more tension and failure can easily be set up. Best to use a wise head and allow some flow into your life. It can also be a joy experimenting with a more fluid disposition.
It is better for children to develop discernment and learn when and how to go with the flow to suit the occasion. Building on such early wisdom can only strengthen their emotional maturity.
“f you can’t fight and you can’t flee-flow’”
Laughter, a great stress buster
Do you know or remember people in your life as a child that were happy? Did they laugh a lot and were they smiling often? No surprise that people with a positive, happy disposition attract other people easily. In fact, laughing is absolutely contagious and can influence very quickly the culture of a group of people gathered.
In Japan I hear of laughing clubs where people come together regularly, simply to have a good hearty laugh. This is seen as stress-busting and releases all the positive endorphins into the bloodstream. It makes you feel good and less focussed on being around negative influences. People say that it is quite uplifting and the more they have, the more they want.
We all want to feel better and we certainly are easily drawn to positive people. Children are always hoping that when their teacher is allocated for the new year that they get the teacher who is fun and enjoys a good laugh. Learning can come with more ease when a child feels that they are with someone who does not judge but sees the best in them. Warm-hearted people are never seen as judgemental people.
Laughter is a fabulous stress buster!
Teachers also are very aware that they have higher productivity from the children when the classroom is operating on a happy, positive note.
By being in the bosom of a family that enjoys a good laugh, the child feels happy and the optimism carries over to so many areas of their life. Who wants to feel down when you can feel up more often.
Whist I appreciate that we cannot laugh all day, it is still important to build into your routine with children some positive happy times that simply bring joy to everyone. This gives them a positive feeling and keeps the blues at bay. It breeds optimism and hope.
It is amazing how two people can see the same situation differently. One may see the glass half full, the other half empty.
Give yourself permission to be a person that enjoys a good laugh every now and again.
In working with children, it was sometimes possible to simply share a joke together. This was a wonderful icebreaker and set both child and Principal at ease. Sometimes at the cost of forgetting the problem to be discussed!
A few thoughts:
If you are having a flat day try not to share too much of that with your child. If possible, come in on all the opportunities for a laugh together. This will lift your spirits as well.
What about when the family shares a meal together. This is an excellent time to share a laugh. Ask the question:
‘Did anyone have something funny happen to them today?’
Funny movies can bring much relaxation and humour to the family who shares it together.
When your child tells you something funny that happened share in the laughter. Let your child know that you enjoy hearing the lighter side of their day.
Children are quite spontaneous with their humour. You can learn a lot from merely being around your child. Their joy and laughter is infectious. Above all, allow laugher into your life and it will flow onto your child very spontaneously.
“You don’t stop laughing because you grow older.
Your grow older because you stop laughing.”