Managing children’s behaviour
Children will, from time to time, challenge your authority and demand that their needs be met. Gail Smith shares some positive cues that give you a greater capacity to manage the situation and reduce the impact on both the parent and the child.
Behaviour of children varies from time to time. Often the reasons for the behaviour are hard to work out and need time and patience spent with the child. Other times it can be simple to resolve and as the parent you move on quickly.
Here are some positive cues to help set the scene enabling your child to cope better when behaviour is poor. It also gives you a greater capacity to manage the situation and reduce the impact on parent and child.
A positive happy home environment
A positive happy home environment where the child feels safe and secure is an excellent setting for a child to feel that problems are solvable. Lots of smiles, laughter and attention will make a difference. Keep the home environment warm and welcoming.
Positive Reinforcement and Encouragement
Focus on Positive Behaviour: Acknowledge and praise good behaviour to reinforce it. Encouragement helps children understand what is expected and reinforces their positive actions. Positive behaviour is the key to teaching your child how to deal with matters.
Consistent Rules and Expectations
Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries: Establish clear rules and expectations. Consistency is key—when children know what is expected, it helps them understand limits and fosters a sense of security. Teach behaviours that you want to be present. Demonstrate and reward your child when you see good behaviour. Provide a good example for the child to copy.
Effective Communication and Active Listening
Listen and Communicate: Encourage open communication. Listen actively to understand their perspective and feelings. Communicate calmly and explain reasons behind rules or consequences. Remain calm and consistent in the way you engage with your child.
Use of Logical Consequences
Apply Logical and Proportionate Consequences: Consequences should be related to the behaviour and age-appropriate. Logical consequences help children understand the impact of their actions without being punitive. Be clear in how you talk about these consequences. Model Behaviour and Teach Problem-Solving
Leading by Example: Children often emulate the behaviour they observe. Model the behaviour you wish to see in them, including problem-solving skills and managing emotions effectively.
If you adopt the belief that children’s behaviour is exactly that...child-like, you will begin to put things into perspective. They will, from time to time, challenge your authority and demand their needs be met. By being consistent and caring in the way you deal with such matters, you will make all the difference to their emotional growth.
‘A parent who has a positive outlook on life passes on a happy message to their child.’
-Gail J Smith
Be alert to trauma in children
Every childhood experience has an impact on the body and mind. Some more lasting and meaningful impact than others.
Sometimes due to circumstances that may be out of your control as parents, a child may experience severe trauma. This could take the form of a divorce in the family, death of a parent or grandparent, accident etc. This article is not about discussing the nature of the trauma, it is about understanding one important aspect of managing the trauma. Once trauma occurs, a child may have difficulties coping in a range of areas which may surprise parents.
Many children experience trauma. What can we do to help them recover?
Their brain is busy coping with the experience and as such, the child’s ability to learn at the normal pace, socialise effectively and respond to life generally will have its limitations. It is as though their whole world is dulled. Sometimes when family trauma happens, parents can worry about their child’s school performance and inability to show interest in sport etc. What we say here is that it is quite acceptable to allow a child the emotional space to recover from the trauma. We need to accept that performance will naturally drop off considerably for a while. It is important to let this happen so that the child can recover from the shock and get back all their resources slowly. Take care not to place too many expectations on them during this recovery phase.
This article is simply to remind us that when a child has such an experience, they need space from what they normally engage in so that they can recover in the time their body and mind demands.
I have seen children stop reading after trauma occurs. I, myself stopped reading at the age of seven when my parents divorced.
Children can also slow down their speech, hear words but not comprehend what is said. I have also seen children needing much more sleep, stuttering and losing their skills and interest in formal games. Younger children sometimes bed wet etc. Their resilience to others deteriorates. This is just a short list of how trauma can manifest itself in a child’s behaviour. If this happens to your child, be prepared to allow them the space and time to process the trauma. Understand that providing a climate where they can simply ‘be’ without pressure is the best healing space for them. With sensitive support and strong nurture, the child recovers. The brain is an extraordinary muscle. It does go into overload when trauma happens and shutting down in certain areas is a way for the brain to rest, regroup and prepare to heal. This article is just to remind parents that allowing a child that space is critical for effective recovery. It is not a time to work to improve performance or increase workload to keep up to standard.
For parents it is a time to respect and appreciate the child’s recovery time which will vary in length from child to child.
“Trauma is a fact of life. It does not however have to be a life sentence.”