The art of bringing happiness to your child

We are always seeking and wanting our children to have a happy life. It’s a natural instinct as a parent to embrace happiness for our children. Of course life comes in all forms and challenges will bring failures, distress, unhappiness and unwelcome surprises to a child’s life. Managing your way through that maze is part of the role of parenting. It also builds character and strengthens a child’s emotional reserve.

Here are a few thoughts that I have reached from my experiences with children that may help build a child's level of happiness.

 Consider:

• The first thought is that a happy parent makes for a happy child. Children will reflect your mood and sense of well being. Having the presence of a happy parent around is a strong indication to the child that the world is all well.

• Keep encouraging persistence and effort. You are not rewarding perfection but you value the journey a child makes in their efforts to do well. Frequent affirmations around the efforts they make keeps the momentum going and shows the child that it is all about the ongoing contributions and not a perfect result.

• By your own modelling teach them how to make friends. Show them how best you do this and what skills you need such as listening effectively, empathy, patience, humour etc. Your example will go a long way in teaching them how to build and sustain relationships.

• See the optimistic approach to life. Find the positive in situations and when your child focuses on the negative, see the glass as half full. An optimistic approach attracts people and builds a strong happiness component.

• We are working on building emotional intelligence in our children. This means that you should show them an intelligent approach to situations rather than using anxiety and reaction to deal with situations. Talk through with them their problems looking at a mature approach to solving matters. Of course how you personally demonstrate emotional responses to situations will teach your child, the best way possible.

• Encourage self discipline. This can be done through insisting on finishing projects, completing jobs etc. Perhaps encourage children to wait for special treats rather than have everything instantly.

• Be active as a family. Physical fitness and keeping engaged in activities such as sport give so much joy and feeling of self worth to growing children.

• Allow failure into the life of your child. They need to learn that failure is part of life and we can learn form such experiences. This means not immediately trying to bail them out of trouble or solving their problems for them.

• Slowly give your child progressive independence. Reward them with it when they demonstrate that they can be trusted. Feeling independent is a life giving experience and can be a significant growth curve for a child.

• Keep play alive in your family. No matter what age everyone enjoys playing together. Find new and different ways of keeping play alive in your family.

 A happy child is one that feels secure and has strong supports around them that intelligently allow the child to grow in an environment that is open, engaging and inclusive. As parents we try our best and the human side of us sometimes fails to hit the right mark. Good I say as after all we teach our children to be human.

                ‘Sometimes we forget that parenting like love, is a verb.’

                                                   - Jessica Joelle  Alexander

Enjoy the present - it’s here for you now to enjoy

Did you realize that it is actually a skill to learn how to enjoy the present? Sometimes our focus is often on the past or busy planning for what next in the future. Far too often we use the present to simply prepare for the future without acknowledging the very real presence of the now. Think of how photos slow us down. We stop for a minute and reflect on that powerful image. It was a moment in time that we hold dear.

Teachers have learned the art of capturing the moment with children. Often when something special happens, a teacher will stop the class and together all children will reflect on what it is that drew their attention. This is a way of capturing memorable moments. I remember one teacher who kept a diary of those moments and at the end of the school year the children turned it into a book retelling the special moments that built up the charisma of the class.

Children that love school look forward often to the surprise highlights of the day which make for happy moments and collective joy. Teachers know that such a classroom environment where elements of the day are surprisingly highlighted, will excite children who are alive with interest.

If we notice that what we have now is giving us happiness we are more inclined to weather the unsavoury small stuff that can easily interfere with the day, lowering our mood and temperament. Did you wake up this morning and hear birds singing? Was the sun shining? Did your child give you a hug? Did you enjoy breakfast? These incidences are the small but influential stuff that can give us joy along the way.

I believe that if we highlight around our children the joy of noticing and feeling positive about the moment, it will have a positive effect on how our children monitor and identify their day. This is all about developing a healthy habit of living positively in the present.

Consider how such a disposition can be helpful in the development of emotional maturity and the mental health of your child:

• If your child looks to see what is good and happy around them, will they not feel better in themselves?

• Children who are by nature happy attract other children who like to feel happy.

• Good mental health has a strong base in feeling good and in not letting incidences get you down. With a stronger capacity to see and want the happy moments, a child is drawn less to feeling sad and unhappy.

• Children who are conditioned into looking to the positive and happy opportunities of the day are less likely to be drawn into the darker side of unattractive social media etc.

• There is so much to learn from the moments of now. If your child is geared to searching for those moments, they will have less interest in the underbelly of trouble which can easily find its way into the daylight.

• This is all about choosing an attitude where life has much to offer and I want to actively engage in those activities that are life-giving. Just as you are probably involved in a sport that gives such life joy think about simple opportunities throughout the day that give a positive vibe to life. Go for a walk with your child, cycle together, play games draw together etc.

We all see how playing sport as a child is about enjoying the moment, feeling the exhilaration of what it is that you are doing with the ball etc. If we can transfer some of that happy feeling into moments of the day, we have come a long way in understanding the life-giving habit of celebrating the moment.

Being a mum - something to think about

Over the many years of being a principal and having such deep involvement with families, I have huge respect for the role women play as the mother in the family. Yes, it has a special place in everyone’s heart. I have learnt some precious realities in watching mums raise a family, live with it and through it, suffer all the hardships, carry the weak moments and rise above the troubled spots. Now that’s being a mum!

As a treat and a time to reflect on your importance and value, consider the following awareness that I have acquired watching and observing mothers over the years:

• No matter how the days and weeks pan out, you are still a pivotal point in the life of your child. That is an absolute.

• Across the day, a child thinks and talks about their mum quite often. Mums are very much part of their daily thinking in and out of school. Thoughts of their mums rarely leave their consciousness.

• Have you ever seen how your child looks at you? Those powerful glances where they seek your approval and know that therein lies ultimate truth. They can rely on that truth.

• When your child is annoyed or irritable with you, it is often because they don’t like the fallout with someone so precious in their life. Their balance is skewed and they want you front and centre in their consciousness.

• Your journey with your child will have many roads and some a little challenging. Whatever the path, it is a journey that you share together and is precious to you both. Along the path, there will be troughs and smooth paths but together you will navigate the best route forward in rain and sunshine. Just follow that yellow brick road!

• The unconditional love you have for your child has such incredible potential. Are there are many things where unconditional love is valued more? Your child knows this feeling and gains immense feelings of security and well-being from it.

• Being a mum should be fun and even though it can express all the emotions from fatigue to anger, joy to sorrow, would you have it any other way? Try to build in more fun. Nothing happier than to see play and joy between mother and child.

• That little individual you have given birth to will, one day independently take part fully in life. Your influence in this is immense and lasting. But remember if you hold onto their hands too long, they cannot come back to hug you.

• Once a mum always a mum and then a grandmother and then just a powerful wisdom long lasting in the life of the family. What a treasure you become to so many overtime!

• Your journey as a fully rounded individual must be attributed in part to being a mum. Think of all the lessons in life you have learnt since becoming a mother. Your rich sense of compassion, empathy, astuteness, selflessness etc. must have all been stimulated by what you have learnt along the way, especially during motherhood.

Finally, find time to celebrate your motherhood. Have a special bath, a glass of champagne, an extra run in the park, whatever makes you happy. You deserve it and thanks for helping to shape good mankind.

          ‘Being a mother is about learning about strengths you didn’t know you had.’

                                      -Linda Wooten

Let’s teach our children to enjoy what they have and not seek out more

This is such a hard lesson when we live in a society that has so much. It is natural to want to give our children the very best of toys and games and of course the latest technological gadget. Fierce competition can exist between children when their peers seem to have the latest and the best.

No easy task for parents who want to teach their children how to enjoy what they have rather than seeking out the next improved item. We all seem to have a strong connection to stuff that we accumulate and of course of which we have sole ownership. Teaching our children to value what they have and to be less anxious about the next item to come along can be a difficult task.

Here are some thoughts to help in this area:

• Demonstrate how you are less possessive with your material things and happy to share with others.

• Perhaps you have prized old toys from your childhood. Talk about its value in travelling with you over the years.

• If you are a conscious recycler, it is wonderful to teach your children all about how waste items in the house are recycled. This is a great teaching tool about why we recycle plastics etc.

• From time to time, you may have clean outs in your child’s wardrobe. Talk about how they can be handed done to other children or sent to second hand shops to be reused. Hear it is all about developing in the child a desire to put new life into old items.

• When sorting toys, especially with younger children, talk about how much enjoyment the child has got from them and ensure your child takes ownership for the care and storage of their toys. Once children value their stuff they are more inclined to want to enjoy them for longer.

• Encouraging your child to play freely and use their imagination is a great way of relying less on toys.

• Suggest that they make their own items of play. This can be a fun way to enjoy the spirit of play without the stimulus of highly stimulating toys.

• We all have heard that having more makes us less interested in what we have, so teaching your child to reinvent their old toys into new forms of play can be a creative activity.

• Giving children exposure to the great outdoors and can be as simple as the backyard is opening up new avenues of play. Why not encourage toys to be taken into the garden, relocated into the bathroom when old or simply rearranged to create a new look for the toys. It’s all about being creative and teaching how material goods can take on new meaning.

• Your home is a perfect space to be showing the children how you manage the stuff that comes into your life. Your example when it comes to managing goods, collecting items etc., will have a strong influence on their developing perception of material goods. Especially how they are to be understood and managed.

• The curriculum in most schools does cover recycling, major environmental impacts etc. Your child will learn about environmental sustainability which will support and complement how you manage such matters in the home.

Finally, your home is a great space in which to teach children about the value of goods such as toys, and books. It is about making conscious efforts to awaken in the child an awareness that the old can be new again.

‘When you choose to collect EXPERIENCES rather than Things, you’ll never run out of storage space.’

                                                                       -Mum’s Little Explorer

A laugh a day can keep the blues at bay.

In all my time as a teacher and Principal, I always felt that classrooms filled with humour were happier and more enlivened spaces in which children could work and learn. Over the years walking around classrooms and observing the environment I would say that classrooms, where humour was part of the daily routine, were successful environments in which the children performed admirably. Children felt more secure around happy teachers and knew that their light approach and positive disposition gave them the security they needed to be themselves. A home that provides a similar climate will be one in which children will feel the lightness and joy that permeates through the house. The anxious level drops and the feeling of joy rises.

Laughter definitely unites us. When you laugh with your child it makes for a stronger connection, one in which you both feel secure and share in the same experience. Note that even small babies use the smiling muscles and are a joy when smiling at the family.

Socially laughing with people says that you are comfortable and happy in each other’s company. A child can learn much from how you embrace friends with laughter and joy. Here you teach them that it is such a positive way to stay connected.

When engaging with your child, laughter can reduce the pressure of the moment and it can take the sting out of more intense moments. It can reframe the situation and give you a chance to start afresh in conversation. It is also a great momentary escape when you are in a tense situation and you need to break from that moment.

It is believed that biologically, laughter calms the brain and reduces the build-up of cortisol. In our world where we hear so much about the importance of mental health, laughter is recognised as a great mental health additive. Young children by their happy disposition teach us that laughter is a wonderful way to live. As an adult, it is easy to lose our sense of humour as we become weighed down by so many negative feelings and demands.

Look at your child, see how spontaneously they laugh. Note how simple things can be such a joy to them and they can see the funny side of situations before we can notice them. Their natural disposition to be funny and laugh can teach us so much. It is not something in which we are expected to grow away.

In working with children, it was always important to only talk to them about serious matters when I was in a good mood. This then dictated how I presented myself and it enabled the child to feel happier, less angry and more comfortable in conversations.

Think about how you enjoy a laugh. Is it present in your family? If so, it will lighten the load and strengthen mental well-being for all. It is a family tonic that revitalises everyone. A dose a day will go a long way.

‘ Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your life but will surely add life to your years.’

The last breath of our summer holidays - let it linger longer.

As we enter the last phase of our summer holidays, I imagine there are many thoughts going through our minds about starting up again in 2022. What will this look like we wonder? How can I give hope and joy to my children when there is still so much around that is a cause of anxiety? Let me remind everyone that the Summer is still with us and so too the last breath of the summer holidays. So, enjoy! Don’t let them be compromised by anxious preparations for the new school year.

 Consider:

• Now could be an excellent time to take time to talk with your family taking stock of all the relaxation and fun you have been having together. What have you really enjoyed about these holidays?

• Discuss how you can get the best out of the last few weeks before routine begins again.

• Now is also a time to start some gentle talk about what you as a family have put in place for the year. Does it include more holidays? Are their surprises, celebrations that need planning together? Talk up the positive aspects of the year that you are looking forward to.

• Perhaps you can start the talk about how the vaccine has influenced our world. It will be important to discuss the plans you have to combat the virus and provide safety for your children. This reassurance is important as they contemplate school.

• Are there some fun habits that you have developed as a family over the holidays? What can you bring from the holidays into your daily routine?

• Some of our best weather comes into February and March. Can you plan some special weekends ahead once school starts? This eases the children more comfortably into the year and reminds them of the balance between work and family leisure. It can be quite a sharp contrast going from summer holidays back to school.

• Schools are starting to awake for the new school year and I appreciate that planning for school will come into the next few weeks. Tap into it gently and keep the lingering of Summer longer in the mind of the family. A child will learn best once refreshed and feeling secure with their family surrounds.

• We hear on the news, daily statistics regarding Covid. It can feel overwhelming and certainly puts a damper to a day’s start. Control the news around the children. A day should be started enthusiastically and without anxiety for a child.

Above all the child will get the best from this year after a great summer start. Give it a boost of enthusiasm in the last few weeks and above all give them a sense that 2022 will be a year of much more certainty and hope.

‘The tans will fade but the memories may last forever’.

                                       -Town and Country magazine

Family rituals

You are probably creating some new ones during this lockdown. Family rituals are all about setting up special times or events that celebrate some aspect of your family life. They are a beneficial tool in building and strengthening families. They are an important foundational aspect of building family life. Activities become a ritual when the family practises regular times or occasions when they come together for that express purpose. After a while, it then becomes a tradition.

There are many forms of rituals and of course families develop their own traditions and celebrations that become embedded into your family life. If you are a family that practises a religion then you will be very familiar with ritual. For those families who develop their own style of ritual, it becomes an important aspect of your unique family life. It is a sacred statement present in your family.

Schools are very keen on the rituals that make them unique. A school will build into their calendar a series of events across the year which are unique to them. This gives them individuality and brings everyone together to celebrate what makes them special. A school motto will have in it words that symbolise what the school stands for. A school will take up opportunities to come together and celebrate who they are through their rituals which become traditions. School assemblies are always a time to sing the school song and national anthem, present awards etc. The regularity of such assemblies becomes a pattern that is important in school ritual.

Rituals can be as simple as ensuring that everyone eats together once a week at the family table. It can be about family patterns that everyone participates in such as having a regular games night or enjoying together a takeaway night. Celebrations such as Christmas are an excellent time for family ritual to be present and alive in families.

Children need and crave rituals in their life as they ground them to what is familiar and safe. Of course, no surprises that many teenagers begin to question family rituals, but what goes around comes around. As they mature, they begin to identify with what they held dear in their growing up days and they learn to build ritual into their own life.

Think about what makes your family unique and start talking about how regular time spent together doing something special is family ritual.

Think about:

• The activities that you do together that are a regular item at home and valued by everyone.

• Do you have some family habits that are worth developing? For example, is there a family night to watch movies?

• Are you a family that exercises together regularly? This can become quite a serious and important part of the family dynamic.

• Talk to the family about aspects of your life that are important to you. The more the child realises that there are aspects of their family that are precious and unique, they begin to see family as a safe and secure place.

In working with children, I always noticed that the more vulnerable children especially valued routine and familiar settings. They felt secure about the regularity of what happened in their classroom. They were conscious of the timetable, lunch hours, playtime etc. They could easily identify with what made them happy through routine and regular planning.

We all need ritual in our life and a family setting provides the climate to nurture rituals and celebrations that are uniquely owned by the members of that family.

Reflect on your family and the rituals that are present. Perhaps there are a few that with some teasing out can become very special to you as a family.

‘Ritual is important to us as human beings. It ties us to our traditions and our histories.’

Miller Williams

8 quick tips to keep the mood positive in these tricky times

With the lockdown yet again comes some very low, unsettling feelings for some families. Here are some quick tips to keep a positive momentum happening at home in the long days.

• Be positive. Talk to your child about the life-saving measures of lockdown including the fact that our government is putting our safety ahead of all other matters. This is an important part of a humane society. Try to keep the political discussion out of it.

• Talk about the amazing speed of vaccine development. It has happened so quickly and very skilled scientists are working around the clock to improve our health and to find solutions quickly.

• Talk about contact tracing and how measures are put in place to locate people exposed to the virus. The organisation in this exercise is immense.

• Keep the work online in proportion to the day’s events. Too much online school activities can make for being alone and unhappy. It is hard to feel successful while working online with school activities.  Build in sport or some other recreation and spontaneous laughter during the day. After all, this is a quality time to be with the family, where there is the least interference.

• Give your child updated information, age-appropriate of course. With all the negative and unsettling news, children need the truth about the state of the coronavirus outbreak.

• Keep them away from unsettling newspapers that focus on dramatic headlines that are questionable in truth. This is not a time for whipping up more anxiety.

• Build a few happy, surprise treats into the day. A little bit of extra sugar won’t hurt but can lift the spirits across the days. We are in unique times and we just need to be creative in the way we engage with our family. We need to be more flexible and use our initiative to break the tension that builds.

• Whilst I am always arguing about monitoring the use of technology in the hands of children, now is an important time for them to be in touch with their friends. Talking to friendship groups is comforting and reassuring for children.

Finally, keep in mind that your children will look back on these extreme times and appreciate how you managed their journey through the pandemic and most especially, the lockdowns etc. Being present for them, conscious to keep a happy momentum, informing accurately and capitalising on quality time together is the answer to managing these difficult times.

“Laughter is a tranquiller with no side effects.”

— Author unknown

The Art of being Happy

Our children deserve to be happy. By nature of being a child, they are keen to smile, feel happy and enjoy their early years filled with imagination and light. Sounds idealistic I appreciate. We also know how we have to keep them in the real world which at times can be a quick shock to be taken out of fantasy, creativity and imagination.

However, being happy around your children is a warm and delightful way to demonstrate that life can and should be happy. Some of us have more serious dispositions. Some are lighter and look for the enjoyment and lighter side of life. Therefore, all families will be different in how they present themselves to their children.

We do need to teach our children that happiness can be found in any moments of the day, across a lifetime. It should be clear what makes us happy and we should be looking optimistically for things that make us happy. Such a disposition is mentally healthy. It is all about how we feel inside and we all naturally want to feel healthy and happy inside ourselves.

If a classroom does not have a happy disposition, the children’s capacity to learn is down. They want to be around happy light-minded teachers as they feel reassured and valued. Such teachers give them reassurance that they can make mistakes as they learn.

When hiring teachers, I was always looking for those teachers who savoured life and had a happy disposition. I owed this to the children they would teach.

My job as Principal was to ensure that the pal was very obvious in the word, Principal. The more they saw you as a friendly, happy person, the more approachable you seemed to them and therefore the more relevant.

Consider the following concepts that you teach your child when you are happy in yourself.

Let’s teach our children that happiness can be found in any moments of the day, across a lifetime.

• They want to imitate that sense of being happy. You’re modelling here is so important.

• They see it as the right way to be rather than anxious and unsettled. This means that they are less inclined to gravitate around people who bring them down.

• They seek out similar children who likewise enjoy being happy and avoid those that bring them down.

• When they are happy, they likewise will attract similar personalities.

• Children begin to condition themselves into wanting to feel good. It is a more satisfying feeling than being down and intense. This is a positive outcome from being happy.

• They are developing into more interesting young adults when they seek out happiness. People notice warm hearted people.

As they build on happiness, they become more insightful people who see life as a great opportunity and a place in which to be.

“Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.”

—        Charles R Swindoll

Laughter. It’s good for the soul.

How often do you laugh? Are you a family that laughs together and often?

Can you remember the last time you had a good belly laugh?

 When you think about your past as a child, do you remember people who were always laughing and did this make you feel good?

Laughing is infectious and important for good mental health and for personal happiness. Cheerful people make us feel better and no surprises, we are drawn to them in a positive way.

In today’s climate with so much intermittent anxiety connected to the pandemic, how about increasing laughter in your family? For some, this will be easy but for some families, it may take some planning and work.

Laughter is like a tranquillizer. It makes you feel alive and connected to those who are enjoying a laugh with you.  It is a bonding agent.

Sometimes it is not easy to create humour in difficult times but with some creative thinking, I am sure you can find some happy, warm moments at home that can bring instant laughter into the house.

Laughing is infectious and important for good mental health and for personal happiness.

Remember that children love to laugh and crave feeling positive. This is natural to them. They will welcome all the humour you bring into your family life. Your laughter reassures them that they are in a safe happy place. They certainly want to be there.

 Consider:

• A joke book. Read some jokes at dinnertime. This can be fun for everyone.

• Get into the habit of telling your child the funny things that happened to you today. They love to hear positive stories.

• Watch a funny movie together. This can be such an upbeat time for families.

In working with children, teachers understand that the tone of their classroom should be positive and happy. To this end, they always welcome a joke and encourage children to share laughter amongst themselves. They understand that joking lifts the spirit. I noticed that if I was happy and talked about some funny situations with children, they were more inclined to talk to me about their concerns.

Shutdown comes with children when they feel insecure and doubt the presence of positivity around them.

Having a cheerful, happy disposition attracts others to you. Having a  sense of humour is a gift to cherish. It also lightens the burden of the day.

If our children learn to laugh and come from a home environment that encourages laughter, this will more likely encourage friendships in their life. They then feel comfortable in their connection with others. It also builds their self-confidence in expressing themselves in front of others.

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow older.
You grow older because you stop laughing.”

— Maurice Chevalier

Let’s understand the value of our unique time together.

What more can we say about the tricky situation we face ourselves in with the lockdown and homeschooling? Here, I suggest we think about how children are learning differently and this has its amazing merits.

Consider the following list of ways children are now learning and experiencing life. Think about how you can enhance and enrich the situation.

Make the most of this stressful time. Value this unique time with your children.

• You are having more conversation with your child across the day. Make them valuable conversations.

• Given the hours you are together, ensure that those hours provide happy experiences. Keep laughter and lightness alive across the day.

• If you are enjoying more outside exercise with your child, start talking about and noticing the beauty and differences in nature. With winter in its grip, this is a great time to observe temperature changes and how the season is crisp and the skylights different.

• With exercise comes more awareness and sensitivity to the body. Talk about your changing fitness levels and have fun in playing and exercising together where possible.

• Be smaller in the way you act and be childlike from time to time. This can be such fun and enlightenment for your child. They need to see the child within their parent.

• Silence can be seen as golden. Enjoy the passive, quiet times when you are simply together. See them as an opportunity to be in each other’s presence without complications of conversation, noise, expectations, etc.

• Of course, food is important during these unsettling times as it often nourishes the spirit and not just the body. Engage in cooking together and enjoying exploring with new flavours, colours etc. in food. Don’t be frightened to simply experiment, make a mess together etc.

• Is there some manual activity you can do with your child? Build a cubby house, make a go-cart etc. Such manual exercise together builds strong bonds.

• This is a time for the family to learn about the value of just sitting and also being active. Talk about how both have value and how to create the balance and not see each of them as rivals.

• This is a wonderful time to really know yourself as a family. What makes your family tick? Explore this question with all the family and talk about how you act as a family unit. Once the busy, noisy regularity of the week goes back to normal you will not have that quality thinking time as a family. There is a certain dynamic that drives your family. Explore it while the opportunity presents itself.

There are many simple activities and experiences going on in the isolation of your family across the day. Think about the simplicity that will be gone once normality comes back. Will we then be craving a quieter time? Will we be regretting the opportunities we had to be just family?

Enjoy the simple, uncluttered moments with the family. Remember that this unique time has some special value in your life.

“Live intentionally. Forget that and your life will be lived for you.”

— Linus Mundy

It’s all about the spirit of Christmas and that is where we find our Santa.

 Who doesn’t love the excitement that mounts as Christmas approaches?  If you know someone who doesn’t then just say “baa humbug” to them! Our children bring us into the fever pitch building to the big day. All children young and old love to believe in Santa and I say why not?

I think Santa is for everyone and could be in anyone, if they enlighten the family, the giving nature of Christmas and the message of love and connection.

The image of Santa, the smiling man with a white beard and a red oversized suit, the giver of gifts, the jolly warm souled person who can only imagine making people, especially children happy, is, after all, a powerful image of pure joy. He makes us feel happy and brings us closer to connecting with others. So, if we cannot believe in the real image of Santa, create in your own mind, the spirit of Santa who brings us all together to simply create a feeling of happiness.

We all need a little Santa in our life and Christmas can be that time when we all come together, exchange gifts to acknowledge our love for our children and each other and reflect more deeply on the gift of family and friends. This may of course, also highlight aspects of family that are not intact and sadness can be close to the surface. Absence and loss can be very real at this emotional time. However, maybe these unsettling thoughts can enrich us by concentrating and enjoying in what we do actually have in our life.

The concept of jolly Santa, the universal lover of people and goodness is also about raising awareness of giving to those who are less advantaged. Ideas such as discrimination, prejudice, isolation. competition should be far from our minds and action at this time of year. They should fade away, as we focus on all that is good and wholesome in our life.

This is a wonderful time as a parent to raise your child’s awareness of giving to others. Perhaps take them to a communal giving tree to offer a gift to another child less likely to receive a gift. There are plenty of charities very active at this time of year where families can tap into supporting them. Also, teach your child about their mission and direction to support others less blessed in life.

By bringing your child into a deeper awareness of the message of Christmas, you are teaching them about sharing, social justice matters at your local level and above all, teaching them that by giving you actually receive so much more. You then morph into the spirit of Santa where you recognise that by giving, sharing and celebrating each other, the world is a better, happier place.

Christmas is a highlighted time to draw attention to supporting and loving each other a little more. So let’s Santarise ourselves a little as we get closer to the big day. It can’t hurt to be more optimistic, more engaging with your children and happier.

I think Santa is for everyone and could be in anyone, if they enlighten the family, the giving nature of Christmas and the message of love and connection. 

“Santa Claus is anyone who loves another and seeks to make them happy.”

— EDWIN OSGOOD GROVER

The importance of Rituals in family life.

As a family do you hold family rituals? This could be a range of occasions where you gather as a family to reinforce or celebrate aspects of family life. You are probably doing this on the run, as it is common practice to repeat patterns with family habits.

This article suggests that rituals become a recognised aspect of family life.

This is important for several reasons.

• Children learn from routine and feel reassured that what they are doing is part of their regular life.

• Rituals are unique to your family. For example, it might be a pattern in your house that every Sunday you have a special family meal together. It could be that every Friday night the family eat take aways and talk about their week. Perhaps your family has a religious ritual on a regular basis.

Simply having the ritual of reading at night is an act that becomes very familiar to your child. It reminds the child that in your family reading is a way of life.

This article recommends giving your child an awareness that ritual is important and makes a clear statement of who you are as a family.

• Consider listing all the rituals and habits that you as a family enjoy. Talk about how new rituals can come into play as the family gets older and needs to change. However, there are some rituals that may never change. They are embedded in the family DNA.

• Talk about the difference your children have noticed when they visit other families. This gives them a stronger awareness of what is unique to your family. Consider sporting clubs and the rituals held firmly with them.

• Point out other rituals you notice in other organisations.

We refer to the school as having its own unique culture. This culture is made up of routines and rituals that are often unique to that school. Children become familiar with how that culture operates and this gives them guidance in how they work and play in that environment.

Giving your child clear guidelines in family rituals that form your own unique way of life, gives them reassurance and awareness of what drives your family. Talk to them about why these rituals are valued and what makes them unique to you.

 Consider the following:

• Rituals are often passed on from generation to generation.

• Children need and love routine and patterns that they understand.

• Rituals have messages behind them and teach children what is valued and precious in your family. Children naturally compare and having their own rituals gives them a sense of pride and security in what is recognised as their unique family.

• Sometimes children will reject or work against the family ritual. This is their way of testing their own developing opinions and values. In the long haul, whether they like them or not they still appreciate the ritual as a statement of what is important to you, the parent.

Rituals are all about conditioning your child to value what is considered precious in family life.

Over the centuries, rituals have been a way of life for many and varied groups of people. Family is a very powerful part of a child’s developing world. Family rituals therefore are embedded deeply in the heart and mind of a child for a very long time. When your child becomes a parent, they will reflect on what rituals were passed down to them in their childhood. Surprisingly many reappear wrapped in the framework of a new generation!

“At the heart of every family tradition is a meaningful experience.”

— Acostantine

Rituals are all about conditioning your child to value what is considered precious in family life.

Our children can teach us so much.

Isn’t it wonderful how much joy we gain from watching our children? Their laughter, childhood ways, imagination and sense of fun give us life.

This article is inviting us to stop and reflect on how children are a source of joy. We can learn so much about the beauty of life through their eyes. After all, being an adult can be very boring. It can also drain our sense of fun and reduce our awareness of all that is life-giving around us.

Let your child show you the way to being lighter and more positive about life.

At school, it was my common practice that if I was a having a bad day, weighed down by various matters, I would take myself around to the classrooms, just to enjoy the chatter, humour and life in the classroom. It lifted my spirits and made me realise how much I can learn from children. Let’s consider our children’s youthfulness as a happy pill and one that puts us in a better mental framework.

Their simple wisdom, unshakeable love for their parents, innocence when it comes to seeing the best or worse in a situation, teaches us that sometimes we can adopt a lighter more manageable approach to life.

All that we understand can be seen from different, less judgemental eyes. All that we see can be understood with better understanding and more general acceptance. As children have their faith in those around them, they can teach us how not to lose hope and belief in others. They also teach us how to simplify understandings, taking out the anger and hurt.

Here are some thoughts that invite us to reflect on times with our children that can be beneficial for improving our spirit and disposition.

• Laugh with your children. See the funny side to their actions.

• Listen to their words. Often simply expressed but with powerful messages.

• Watch them play and join in to the experience. They often talk about all sorts of interesting things when playing. It is especially enjoyable listening to their chatter in a sandpit.

• Children love to draw. Watch them and talk about what their drawings are all about. As an adult doodling can be another form of drawing in a state of relaxation.

• Sing with your child. Some of the songs you will know and the repetition is often comforting.

• Enjoy the changing expressions on their faces and the interesting body language. These shift so regularly and are a key to how they are processing information.

• Let your child know that you learn from them.

“I love the way you use play dough. Can you show me how you created that shape?”

• Children have a different sense of time to busy adults. Perhaps we can adopt more time to things we enjoy doing and reduce the busy things we do that clutter the day.

• Allow them to be creative. This can go in many directions that will surprise you. Their creativity abounds in so many ways.

• Remind yourself by talking to your children about the fun parts of your childhood. What made you laugh and what drove your spirit.

This article invites the parent to simply enjoy the moments with their children and notice the unique childlike manner that is so attractive to them.

Time passes quickly and those moments where we learn about our child in their childhood become less and less as they grow older. My belief is that if we capture their joy, we will carry it with us and it will give us some positive feelings along the way.

Let your child show you the way to being lighter and more positive about life. Adopt a little of their liveliness and enjoy the day.

“If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.”

— Tom Stoppard

Laughter a great tool in dealing with stress.

How often do you laugh with your children? Do you find the things they do or talk about amusing? Can you see the lighter side of your child’s actions keeping in mind that they are the actions of a child and not an adult?

Our world can easily be seen as a serious place and children have a natural disposition to be happy and seek out happy spaces and people. They are in fact a delight to be with and a privilege to have in our lives.

In simple terms, laughter is life giving.

This article is to remind us that laughing with your child is a healthy activity to do. It also teaches your child that humour is valued and that finding humour in life situations can be very mentally therapeutic. Some people have a natural disposition to see the world in lighter ways. For others, finding the lighter side to life can be learnt overtime.

We can all see the situation in different perspectives as with the glass half full or empty. However, to find the funny side of situations is an excellent way teach your child a strategy in coping with stress.

It is no coincidence that children gravitate around people who have a positive happy disposition. They are attracted to warmth in personality and humour.

As a parent we can sometimes become absorbed in the seriousness of the occasion. After all our role is to rear our children, provide for them etc. I would add to this that a parent’s role is also to teach strategies that enable a child to cope better when times are difficult. It is also about showing them that there is humour and lightness when sometimes everything seems out of control.

Teachers are very clever at selecting moments in class that bring spontaneous laughter to the classroom. This creates a climate in the room which is inviting and generally optimistic. It says to the children that we are a happy class.  Mistakes happen and we move on seeing only the brighter side of the day. It also forms a great stop gap method of taking away built up tension. Humour certainly works.

In working with children individually I would start the conversation in a positive note and try to bring in something light and happy to talk about. If we both enjoyed a joke it certainly created the environment for more comfortable talk to follow.

I know of some families that keep a joke book at home and on a regular basis they tell jokes as a family. Of course, watching funny programs or playing games is a great time for laughter in a family. However, what is better is when you the parent can spontaneously point out situations that can be seen as funny.

“Look at the dog chasing his tail. He looks like a complete circle.”

“Hey check out my hair. I look like a have had an electric shock.”

 Laughing about yourself teaches the child that you are a resilient person.

It’s all about making light humour of situations, teaching the child that being positive takes away the potential of a situation turning negative. A child will certainly pick up the message and appreciate that life can be funny and perhaps not so serious.

Of course, care must be taken between misreading a serious situation and this is all about the skill of the parent in talking appropriately to the child on such an occasion.

Finally let’s look at the advantages of bringing humour into your family life.

• It costs little.

• It enlivens the spirit.

• It gives a strong message to your child that humour is an important aspect in your life.

• It lightens anxiety.

• It invites a child to read a situation for what it is rather than becoming too serious.

• It reminds the child that the world is not a perfect place and that perfection can be restrictive. The world can be amusing and enjoyed for this reason.

• If the child is laughing at you it teaches them that you are resilient when people find you funny. This certainly talks a great deal to the child about resilience.

• It also helps a child discern what is serious and what is acceptable humour. For some children this can take some time to understand.

In simple terms, laughter is life giving. It is a wonderful collective activity to do as a family and it brings in to play so many strengthening aspects of self esteem, self worth etc. Ultimately the child can begin to see the humour in themselves. How personally strengthening is that!

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

— Charlie Chaplain

Enjoying the moment with your child

How time passes when we simply don't notice the uniqueness of our child, the journey of their growth or their shift from childhood into adolescence, from adolescence into adulthood. This article merely touches on the value of stopping to smell the roses and enjoy the moment with the child.

We are very explicit with our families in terms of the things that we want to pay attention to and these are often around functional and aspirational things. For example, achieving at school, playing sport, doing homework etc. We are all keen to put emphasis on very typical aspects of our life which are common in many families. We expect to be attentive and reflective around such important issues.

What is unique are the individual moments to be shared with your child as they develop over the years. For example, if you bike ride with your child, stop for a minute and reflect on how joyous that experience is for all of you. When you sing a song together, set the kitchen table together, watch a humorous movie together,  these are all times to reflect on that special moment that is a snap shot of your life together. It is difficult for parents with young children to imagine their child older, more independent. Time passes and this comes around quicker than we can imagine. Ask any parent whose last child is leaving primary school! A great way of understanding the preciousness of the moment is to look back on photos. Here we easily stop and reflect on that scene and contemplate how things have changed.

We cannot suspend time, but there is some evidence that time accelerates in our mind when everything is going well. Try to simply take some time to enjoy the moment whether it be watching your child in a classroom, sports field, play ground etc and reflect on the joy of that moment. Being more in harmony with the uniqueness of the present moment makes for a calmer disposition all round.

 Here are a few thoughts to get you in a reflective mindset.

• Take a big breath and just look around.

• Look for the lighter side of the moment.

• Tell yourself why this is special.

• Pretend you are snapping a photo of that moment and remind yourself why?

“If you are always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you are in?”

— HPLYRIKZ.com

Getting the most out of time together

As parents we work hard to give our children fulfilling experiences. However, I challenge you to go outside the norm and give everyone in the family an exceptional and challenging experience. This is the stuff that makes for future stories and great memories when you take yourself out of the ordinary and into the unknown. For example, how about an adventurous and challenging hike?

If you are a family that has a focus on one sport activity, put it aside for a while and do something quite different.

I always remember the reaction when I put to the school parents that we would take our seniors to Canberra for the first time. The anticipation, the anxiety of some parents was high, but what an adventure we all had. I can honestly say I don’t remember much of other school camps over the years. However, this took us well out of our comfort zones. I know that the children still have fond memories including staff and that was several years ago.

Consider the adventure and challenge in your plan. There is often a much greater need to depend on each other in more demanding circumstances and this leads to stronger bonds between family members.

Why not simply talk about it as a family and together plan something that will literally present some challenges, create new experiences and bring you all into new territory together.

As a family when our children were teenagers, we charted a yacht and sailed around Tahiti. This was a little scary but it still is a source of much conversation and enjoyment when reliving the occasion.

In order to strengthen bonds in family, it is worthwhile considering some new experience that requires developing new skills. Plan it together. The more the children are involved in the organising, the better for all. It can even raise anxiety a little but ultimately it is a shared experience unique to you as a family.

“FAMILY…

We may not have it all together

But together we have it all.”

— Unknown

Create new experiences that bring your family into new territory together.

The Art of being Happy - It's contagious and life giving for the family.

I have recently read an excellent book, Positive Psychology Coaching: Putting the Science of Happiness to Work for Your Clients, Robert Biswas- Diener, Ben Dean 2007, John Wiley & Sons. Whilst it is directed to coaching, the book talks about the value in life of being happy and how this leads to the development of well rounded individuals, who can form healthy relationships with people and who demonstrate emotional and social maturity. It is all about thinking healthily.

I then thought about family well being and the ability of families to be generally happy. There is much to be grateful for in our family life. Seeing the glass half full is also another way of looking at it.

A happy, healthy family does value laughter and general happiness. There are so many positive things upon which to contemplate with regard to family happiness. Consider the simple ones that sometimes we take for granted.

• I actually have a family.

• There is love in the family.

• My daughter smiles at me and say she loves me.

• My son is so funny when he talks.

• We all get together on Saturday night and watch a movie.

• My three year old just gave me a flower from the garden.

These are simple examples of how we should be happy for all the joys, simple and complex we have as a family.

It is certainly easy to feel the negative, weighing us down. Many of the troublesome issues of family will pass and what will remain is the memories of how we enjoyed the moment. Sadly, when a family goes through extreme trauma they sometimes come to realise the preciousness of what they have had in their life and this gives them greater sensitivity to the joys of life.

I have very positive memories of working with anxious children by including at some point, when possible, a sense of happiness into the conversation. It is amazing how the tone changes when the focus is on happy thoughts.

It eases tension and releases pleasant feelings into our body.

It also is an excellent enabler to talk more comfortably.

We are also teaching our children that we value being happy as a human condition that enables us to live well both mentally and physically. Happiness is contagious, people gravitate around the warmth of positive, happy people. Children will soon see that in your family happiness is a requirement.

Your disposition in seeing the happy moment and finding laughter as a cure for solving problems, will resonate for life with your child.

“For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are so many positive things upon which to contemplate with regard to family happiness.

What about regret?

Can we think about our childhood for a moment and some of the regrets we may carry with us? Perhaps those regrets may include occasions we missed with our parents. Of course parenting in each generation is different and we need to remember that what was relevant for one generation may not be the same for the next generation. Still, we probably remember and have some grief about lost opportunities

This article is just reminding us that the time we have with our children is precious, short and remarkable. Their growth and frequent changes physically, socially, intellectually and emotionally surprise us all. Without sounding too grim, we can easily miss precious moments often those spontaneous moments that give parents so much joy. That special moment when they start to talk or develop cute expressions or play sport for the first time in a team. How about when they show you their first tooth coming loose and the excitement when they have a birthday. Our whole journey with them consists of moments in time and despite how busy we are we should try and have a strong presence in their life so that as a parent you gain the pleasure and satisfaction of parenting which you deserve.

As a school Principal, talking to a parents, it was not uncommon to hear parents expressing regret around missed opportunities with their children. Whilst I hear you say, I can't be there for everything, I would say that the child values the effort made. If they see how you value being strongly present in their life, they are very content. A child recognises and values your spirit of determination and desire to share their journey. That is what remains with them over time.

After all this is part of your journey as well as the child. Your life changed the minute your child was born and your presence in their life is so intrinsically bound together.  You will never be the same after the birth of your child. I am not talking here about your commitment and responsibility to your child, most parents understand and take that seriously. I am referring to your natural desire to continue sharing their life in many different ways. They will naturally fuel your emotional stability, demonstrate such powerful things such as unconditional love and give you many opportunities to simply stop and smell the roses. We learn in so many varied ways from our children's journey. This is how we grow emotionally as well.

Talk to anyone who has teenagers and they will easily tell you how their child's early childhood went too quickly. They question if they missed important milestones and they sense some grief with the loss of those early delightful years when they were so dependent on you.

No regrets if you as the parent, plan to have a strong presence in their life, capturing in your mind and heart those special snapshot moments. Whilst our jobs and external roles are important, they will pass and be forgotten in the schema of time. Not so when it comes to those deep, happy and unique memories of sharing your child's special moments in their journey. No regrets PLEASE.

“To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.”

— Anonymous

Do you regret time missed with your children?