Never Underestimate How Important You Are To Your Child At Any Age
It’s easy to forget the value that our children place on us.
'If you are emotionally and physically present for your child, you are a parent with impact'
-Gail J Smith
How easy it is to forget the value that our children place on us. At times we feel their trust and love have diminished but it actually hibernates for a while as they grow through different stages. Our children are on a mission from childbirth to be independent and that journey can often challenge their relationship with us. However, their great desire is ultimately to take us with them into adulthood. The thoughts below are an excellent reminder of how valuable we are to our children.
Parents are the original Google. They answer endless questions about the world, from why the sky is blue to why you can't have ice cream for breakfast (even though they secretly wish they could too).
No matter how many times you "decorate" the walls with crayons or bring home a pet frog, parents love you anyway. They're the ultimate cheerleaders, always in your corner.
Parents show you how to be an adult. From tying your shoes to filing taxes, they model the art of surviving and thriving in the grown-up world. Plus, they’re living proof that yes, you can survive without a nap.
Parents are like a safety net in a circus act. When life gets wobbly, they're there to catch you, dust you off, and send you back into the ring, with a little more wisdom each time.
Whether it's a skinned knee or a broken heart, parents are the go-to fixers. They're like emotional band-aids, always ready to make the hurt feel a little less painful with a hug or a cookie.
Parents teach you the difference between right and wrong, like why it's not okay to swipe your sibling's dessert (even if they weren't eating it fast enough).
From cooking a meal to changing a tyre, parents equip you with the skills you need to navigate life. They're the original DIY experts, minus the YouTube tutorials.
Parents can be surprisingly fun. They tell the best (or worst) jokes, make silly faces, and sometimes dance in the kitchen like no one is watching, even when everyone is.
Every now and again, when you feel the fatigue of parenting or think that you are making no difference, keep in mind that parenting is a long-haul process. It is not so much geared to short-term success, but it is more about the ongoing support and unconditional love you show them.
If you are emotionally and physically present for your child, you are a parent with impact.
Gail J Smith
When home life changes
Family situations change through separation and divorce and children will feel this. The key point is to provide ongoing love, understanding, reassurance and stability in difficult times. Try to remember that whilst you are going through a personal crisis, there is no avoiding that your child will be experiencing emotionally charged times. Accept that you will need support and so to your child. Rely on family support and networks that will minimise some of the impacts.
We all know that personal assurance for children is so important in their life to give them a feeling of being safe and secure. However, life can sometimes interfere with the perfect journey of children from birth to adulthood. Life can change in an instant or it can be slow and a gradual relinquishing of feeling secure. Shock can enter the scene and some children have many facets of grief to work through over time. No reasonable adult wants this for their child but life can change and this will involve the children.
It is a natural consequence that their sense of security and well being will be affected. They will go through many emotions including:
Were they at fault?
What about feelings of being left alone?
Are they still really loved?
Feeling insecure and less capable individuals.
Their list goes on but overall, the child feels fragile and a great sense of loss.
The parent will be experiencing a mixture of feelings themselves and may rely on their children for emotional support. Feeling vulnerable as a parent means that emotional expectations will be high for the child.
Consider:
Always reassure the child that they are loved by both parents. It is most important to comment on both parents.
Reassure your child that the breakup was not of their doing. They are free of any responsibility. Keep reassuring your child about this fact as they can quickly slip into a belief that they caused it.
Keep home life stable as is possible. Make sure that the child knows exactly where when and with whom they are on each day. They will become quite anxious if there is instability and frequent change in this area. Even being on time for pickups is so important to offer reassurance to the child.
Remember that one on one time and quality listening time with your child is important while crisis is underway.
Let them talk and give them time to express themselves about what is on their mind. Often a child will go quiet when crisis hits. Best to keep the conversation flowing.
Behaviour can change as the child deals with their anxiety. Be tolerant and patient when you receive mixed messages from poor behaviour. School performance can suddenly drop off and interest in outside activities can diminish.
As adult emotions under crisis can be expressive, try not to criticise or talk badly about the individuals involved. A child listens and will be quite confused and talk less when there is unhealthy dialogue around people they love.
The key point is to provide ongoing love, understanding, reassurance and stability in difficult times. Try to remember that whilst you are going through a personal crisis, there is no avoiding that your child will be experiencing emotionally charged times. Accept that you will need support and so to your child. Rely on family support and networks that will minimise some of the impacts. All support is welcome.
‘In family crisis, parents have the opportunity to show children not to fear life uncertainties but to meet them head on Together, strengthened by unity.’
-Elle C Mayberry