There is so much fatigue in worrying
In today's world, we tend to worry and feel the stress of everything occurring around us. Children quickly pick up our emotional dispositions and this can induce their own form of worrying about us as a stable source of reliability. Read here for some thoughts that invite us to hold a positive, hopeful disposition that acts as a stable framework for our children. Gail Smith, The Primary Years.
How much time do we take up worrying? In the climate we are now living in, it is not difficult to slip into excessive worry. When we allow it the liberty to take over our headspace, we are often quite sad, tired and can easily fall prey to fear. Worry can destabilise our life and certainly detract from building healthy relationships.
Our children quickly pick up our emotional dispositions and this can induce their own form of worrying about us as a stable source of reliability.
As parents, the best we can be to our children is to be a stable, constant, happy influence, that proactively and responsibly embraces life, no matter what the climate we live in. Children feel secure when their parents feel secure. It’s as simple and as complicated as that!
Consider the following thoughts that invite us to hold a positive, hopeful disposition that acts as a stable framework for our children.
Keeping humour alive in the family is key to making everyone feel at ease. A little laughter a day sets off the right mood for feeling well mentally.
Be authentic with your children. If you need to talk about the latest issues regarding the pandemic talk truthfully and ensure that a sense of hope is included in the discussion.
Talk to your child in a warm way. Keep anxious voices away from little ears. It is amazing how the tone of your voice sends messages to your child.
Get plenty of rest and don’t feel guilty about that! The more you are rested, the better your mental and physical wellbeing. By looking after yourself you are in the best place to offer a stable, happy parent image to your child.
Exercise and play sport with your child. Such physical experiences together set off positive messages to the brain that all is well with the world and with us.
Be aware of social media, television, news etc that cycles around your family house. With so much negative talk about the virus, a child can easily get clouded by shock news that easily sucks away happiness from their day.
Be open and invite conversation. Listen to what your child asks about the issues that unsettle them. If they feel there is an invitation to talk, they will be more open especially about awkward topics. In today’s climate, they need the reassurance that they can have a voice.
Be intuitive. If you see an opportunity to engage with your child, take advantage of it. This could happen through merely picking up a ball and kicking it to them, sitting with them as they work on their Lego, a fun group hug together. Worry is reduced through spontaneous, happy experiences done on the run.
Read books together that make you both feel good. Sometimes just enjoying reading and not focussing on developing learning is so invigorating.
Don’t be frightened to slow down. Does your day have to be so crowded? Hopefully, we learn a lot from our relaxed beach holidays. Less can give us much more as a family.
‘Worry less, Smile More, Don’t Regret
Just Learn and Grow’
-Unknown
Looking after yourself a key ingredient into coping
There is an old saying which says, “If mama isn’t right, the whole house isn’t right.” Here we mean that keeping yourself well and feeling mentally on top of things is critical for the mental health of the whole family. You, the parent is a major driver in the mental health of the family.
No pressure I hear you say loud and clear!
Here are some thoughts on keeping mentally healthy during these difficult times where we feel so unsettled and disillusioned by the news we hear on a daily basis about the pandemic.
Watch out for the triggers in your life that will unsettle you easily. We all have buttons once pressed that make us feel unhappy, angry disappointed, etc. If you can recognise those triggers then perhaps you can avoid them. This may mean some restructuring in your day, perhaps avoiding the news, conversations etc. When you think about it, there are occasions and situations that will bring you into an unsettled state. Seek out ways to avoid them. It could be as simple as not watching the news, reading the paper, not discussing the daily numbers with the virus, etc.
Take care not to blame yourself when things go wrong. This can happen easily when you are feeling down. For example, if your child doesn’t complete work online do not immediately see yourself as the bad parent. The more we see ourselves as the one to take the blame, the less capable we are to manage the situation effectively. Very quickly we begin to spiral down and only see the negative in situations. You are not the source of all problems and circumstances often outside your control dictate outcomes!
Try to focus on the positive. Today is sunny, this means Spring is coming and we can do more activities outside. Sometimes just reflecting on the simple positives just cheer you up. This does require developing a mindset that looks to the positive. When you start thinking that way you begin to have more gratitude for the good things around you and this shrinks negative feelings.
Be conscious of developing unhealthy coping skills. This can mean going to places and comfort zones that give us short term relief. Of course, alcohol would be in this category.
Think about what really works for you that makes you happy. Everyone is different in this area. Some people love yoga, others like to jog, cook, read, sew etc. The more you gravitate and feed your personal passions the better you feel.
Ensure you find yourself in situations where you get rewarded. It is important to hear affirmation from those around you. Of course, your children are a wonderful source of showing you how much they love you. Never underestimate the power of hearing positive talk about yourself. After all you are worth it!
Treat yourself to little indulgences. Some people love a bath, some enjoy a quiet time in the garden etc. Your personal space is very necessary to rejuvenate the spirit. If flowers make you feel happy, buy some each week.
Finally, talk to friends. There is nothing more enjoyable than simply having conversations with those that you value most in life.
Remind yourself that powers outside your control have led to our pandemic situation. We are just trying to create an environment that brings some light and joy into a difficult situation. However, in order to be a giver of joy, we must look after ourselves first in whatever way works for you.
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”