Should I Step In or Let My Child Work It Out?
Your child comes home upset about a friend. What do you do?
Your first instinct may be to jump in, contact the other parent or tell your child what to do.
But before you step in, pause.
Not every problem needs a parent's solution.
Children need opportunities to learn how to:
speak up for themselves
negotiate disagreements
understand another person's point of view
make choices
recover when friendships don't go their way.
Try the “LISTEN – ASK – GUIDE” approach.
LISTEN: Let your child tell you what happened without immediately judging or fixing it. Watch your body langauage.
ASK: “What do you think you could do about it?”
GUIDE: If they are unsure, offer one or two suggestions, then let them decide what feels right.
Of course, there are times when parents must step in, particularly when there is bullying, repeated exclusion, intimidation or a child's safety or wellbeing is at risk.
But for the everyday ups and downs of childhood, sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is stay close without taking over.
Your child doesn't need you to solve every problem.
They need to know you are there while they learn to solve some problems themselves.
That is how confidence grows.
Parenting isn't always about stepping in. Sometimes it's about listening and supporting their plan of action. You then double check how they went in solving the problem. Afirm their efforts and then judge if you need to intervene.
“A child that solves their own problems wih friends will grow in personal confidence and will have a more confident air about them with new challenges.”