Ask the Second Question
“How was school today?”
“Fine.”
Sound familiar?
Sometimes the best conversations with our children don’t happen because we ask the perfect question. They happen because we ask one more question.
Instead of leaving it at "fine," try:
“What was the best part of your day?”
“Was anything tricky today?”
“Who made you laugh?”
“Did you learn something that surprised you?”
Or simply:
“Tell me a little more.”
The important thing is not to interrogate. Listen.
Put down the phone. Look at your child. Eye contact is so important. It is all about avoiding probing questions. Give them time to think about what they want to say.
You may discover something they would never have told you if you had stopped at the first answer.
And sometimes the second question isn’t even about school.
It might be:
“You seem a little quiet today. Want to tell me about it?”
Why does this matter?
Children don’t always know how to begin a conversation about what is troubling them, exciting them or confusing them.
Your interest gives them an invitation to talk.
You don’t have to have all the answers. You simply need to be interested enough to ask:
“And then what happened?”
That small question can become a big part of your relationship with your child.
Sometimes, the most powerful parenting tool is simply listening for a little longer. It is about being patient and waiting for them to talk about their day if they need to. Not everyone wants to talk about their day; some just need a respite time. Don’t we all?!
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what
another has to say.”