Memories are lasting.

I often say to parents, imagine what you would like your children to say about you at their twenty-first birthday or even your funeral!

They will reflect on the longer picture of their life's journey with their family and have memories especially about how they were valued and heard. Think about your own images of how you were reared. I would imagine you will have a general image of how you were loved and generally how parents nurtured you. The little details often get lost in the wash. It is the general feeling of how parents loved and cared for you that counts. Sometimes we become so focused on the small daily problems without considering that a child just sees you as the overarching person looking after their well being. It is quite common in counseling students that they quickly refer to the general image they have of their parents." Yes mum understands me". " I can talk to dad as he listens." These images are being formed throughout their rearing. They just sense how they are being cared for through parent's overall manner with them.

Aspects like patience, understanding, peacefulness, sympathy are words I often hear from children who talk about their families. When a child feels vulnerable around their parents, perhaps over having been in trouble, their first anxiety is how they lose value in the eyes of the parents.

A great activity with children is to ask the child to draw their family as animals and talk about their character through the image of the animals. For example. some may draw an owl as they see their parents as wise. Some may draw a zebra as mum is always running and on the go. This could be a fun activity for all the family. Always keep in mind the big picture. This is all about the overall feeling a child has about how they are valued and nurtured.

The importance of the family village

We all should live in a village. By this I mean an environment that causes us to interact with and exposes us to all stages of life and many shapes and sizes of families.

Children need various models around them to teach them about different aspects of life. If you have the good fortune to have grandparents around, they become senior teachers for the children. Their stories are real examples of life, lived differently.

If in a family the child is exposed to the birth of a child, the death of a grandparent etc. the child starts to understand that life has a cycle and they see their part in it more clearly.

Listening to others that have different life experiences, gives them more insight into different opinions. It helps them to form judgements. In today's world we tend to shut out some of life's harsher aspects. We think that parenting is all about emotional protection from the more difficult aspects of life.

When counselling children it is evident that some children have a deeper awareness of life and others, a naivety which sometimes makes them vulnerable and lowers their resilience. To make children secure and socially capable, they need to gradually learn from various sources.

We have provided security for our children, but to make them aware of the broader aspects of life, consider the value of the village. Even the old lady next door may have a story to tell about her migration to Australia and how her journey was different.

It takes a Villiage